Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Paris Hilton Is Busier Than Barack Obama

57338900parishilton58200943926pm Did you know that Paris Hilton was a producer on a movie?  Yeah, she didn't either and now she's being sued for eight million dollars for failing to do promotion of the film Pledge This.  And if you've ever found yourself defending Paris or thinking that the stupidity persona is just an act, read on: The 28-year-old heiress … was asked by lawyers during a pre-trial hearing in Miami Thursday if she keeps a diary for business meetings. “I just press my name and Google it and see,” she ...

Ashton Kutcher Is Way Serious About Twitter

56908943ashtonkutcher58200941832pm Ashton Kutcher is a pretty passionate Twitterer.  He was the first to reach one million followers beating out CNN.  He actually issued a little challenge, promising to knock on the door of Ted Turner's home if he was able to outrace CNN to the one million mark.  No one said he was the brightest bulb on the tree. Anyway, blogger Jonah Perreti made a joke that he was offended that he tweeted a message to Kutcher and didn't get a reply.  Read here for the full explanation and the recording ...

Quotables

16472890meganfox58200931310pm “I don’t want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against, but I don’t want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I’ve every learned to prove, like, ‘Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.’  I don’t want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I’m not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault.  I’m just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores.  It’s ju...

Lindsay Lohan Comes Out Of Her Shell

I promise you, that's my only egg joke on this entire post.  Apparently, Lindsay went a little nuts last night pitching a fit and eggs over the fence of her house.  You can't actually see that it's Lohan hurling the little chicken abortions but aren't we all in agreement that it's totally her?  Doesn't she know we're in a recession?  Throwing perfectly good food at the heads of paparazzi just seems so irresponsible.  Couldn't she throw some leggings instead? Also, what kind of car is tha...

Since It’s Not Obviously Apparent, Dina Lohan Wants To Tell Everyone That She’s A Good Mother

57193625dinalohan582009122553pm Dina Lohan wants us to be nice to her for Mother's Day.  I make no Promises.  Promises...get it?  The place where all Dina's kids will eventually go to sober up. America's favorite Mom talked to People about the harsh and unearned criticism she is confronted with.  "We just wish people would leave us alone-at least for Mother's Day!"  Yes, Dina.  I'm so sure you wish to be left alone.  And what better way to be left alone than to attend every high profile Hollywood event that you can g...

Hayden Panettiere Wants You To Abstain From Sex. I Think.

57371331haydenpanettiere582009115749am-1 Earlier this week Marin talked over on Zelda Lily about Bristol Palin's new abstinence initiative.  She has joined with the Candie's Foundation along with, and prepare for hysterical laughter here, Hayden Panettiere to talk about the only 100% effective form of birth control:  abstinence. I started reading up on this Candie's Foundation and I must tell you, I'm more confused than ever.  I think they promote abstinence but then Hayden was quoted as saying, "There's a lot of different vi...

Despite The Fact That No One Cares, Lance Armstrong Shares Reason For Split With Sheryl Crow

16047098lancearmstrong582009102749am Oh, Lance Armstrong.  If he wasn't busy with his knocked-up girlfriend, I'd so be trying to fix him up with Jennifer Aniston.  Why?  Because his biography, the imaginatively titled "Lance", is coming out this summer and he talks about his break up with Sheryl Crow.  I know, I know-haven't we all just been haunted, wondering "why?" ever since their split three years ago?  Anyway, I was thinking Lance and Jen would be the perfect couple.  They could get together and lament about Brad and Sheryl and we could all try to determine which of the four of them is the most tan. As I'm pretty sure I ...

Amy Ryan Misses Her Mark

16785281amyryan572009102905pm The Office's Amy Ryan attended a DKMS fundraising gala last night and really missed the mark on the red carpet. Also there-Sarah Wynter and Rachel Zoe.  I'd like to ask WireImage know something.  Sarah Wynter and Rachel Zoe are so obviously not the same person.  There is easily a fifty-pound weight discrepancy betwen the two of the them so why does WI insist on tagging both of their photos as "Sarah Wynter"? Rihanna arrived in high fashion, Kylie Minogue was glowing, and Chelsea Clinto...

Kiefer Sutherland: Charged, Released, Idiot.

57380329kiefersutherland57200994443pm Kiefer Sutherland showed up yesterday at a New York City police station where he was charged with a misdemeanor offense of assault with a deadly noggin.  Or, you know, just assault.  He'll have to show up in court June 22nd to answer the charge. You'll remember that Kiefer (allegedly!) head-butted designer Jack McCollough the other night.  The good news is that the dude doesn't have a broken nose as was originally reported. If Sutherland is found guilty, he could a year in the slammer sin...

R.I.P. Ean Evans

8818855eanevans57200984938pm Lynyrd Skynyrd bassist Donald "Ean" Evans passed away Wednesday at the age of forty-eight after a short battle with an aggressive form of cancer. Lynyrd Skynyrd is a band that has been plagued with years of a tragic history.  In 1977, a plane crash claimed the life of three band members.  One of the survivors, Billy Powell passed away earlier this year at the age of forty-six.  In 2001, Leon Wilkinson, Evans' predecessor died in his sleep at the young age of forty-nine. Evans is survived...

Jon Gosselin’s Friend Has A Sex Tape

When I originally started typing the headline for this story, I typed "Sex Tap" by mistake.  Really, it would have been totally appropriate. Deanna Hummel, the twenty-three year-old school teacher who was photographed driving Jon Gosselin's car, has a sex tape.  This is so not surprising but it is disappointing that Jon Gosselin doesn't make an appearance in it.  I like to think TLC, you know-the Two Lying Cheaters channel, would be interested in getting the rights to that.   I am just so uncool about these things having never had a love-cam in my own bedroom. But this isn't about me.  It's about some scumbag ex-boyfriend of Deanna's that bought her name as the domain to post four extremely NSFW still shots from their homemade video.   He's taking offers.  He'll start out at some ridiculously huge and inflated asking price like a million bucks and eventually unload it for six thousand.  Mr. Flabby Abs alludes to a history of Deanna screwing married dudes.  However, don't we have to take everything this dude says with a grain of salt?
Hello world! This is a site owned by one of Deanna Hummel's ex-boyfriends.

When I read the news about her alleged affair with Jon Gosselin from the show Jon & Kate Plus 8, I have to say I wasn't surprised.

The Deanna I knew wasn't above cheating, even with married men, hence our eventual breakup. During our time together we made a secret amateur sex tape. It wasn't a hidden cam or anything, she was totally aware of the fact that I was taping. This has never been available to the public before. And it still isn't...yet! But I am shopping this tape and am currently in negotiations with sites like porn.com about selling it.
Can we take bids on how long it will take before Deanna Hummel gets fired from her teaching job for being too distracting of an influence? />When I originally started typing the headline for this story, I typed "Sex Tap" by mistake.  Really, it would have been totally appropriate. Deanna Hummel, the twenty-three year-old school teacher who was photographed driving Jon Gosselin's car, has a sex tape.  This is so not surprising but it is disappointing that Jon Gosselin doesn't make an appearance in it.  I like to think TLC, you know-the Two Lying Cheaters channel, would be interested in getting the rights to that.   I am just so u...

Kate Gosselin Today Show Interview

Kate Gosselin appeared on the Today Show this morning to plug her new book, "Eight Little Faces."  Honestly, most of the people who watched the interview tuned in to see if she would speak of her husband, Jon.  He was supposed to be there as were all eight children but that plan was scratched at the last minute.  I wonder why?  Men are such wimps. Anyway, Kate has segued from staunch support of her husband to being "very hesitant to believe any of it."  I think Jon Gosselin did cheat and I...
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