David Letterman has always struck me as so logical and rational, but he's gone hog-wild and married his girlfriend of twenty-three years. The transcript from tonight's Late Show With David Letterman:
On Thursday, at 3 PM, March 19, 2009 at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko.
Regina and I began dating in February of 1986, and I said, ‘Well, things are going pretty good, let’s just see what happens in about ten years….’
…I had avoid...
Hard to believe it's that time of the month again, but like breaking open a new pack of Yaz, it's time for March's installment of Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox broke up.
I don't really have the energy to come with a new and creative way to spoon this information out to you all, so can we just get this over with? God, this feels like the goodbye sex you never want to have. Like, where you're totally over the dude but you feel obligated to give him the Sayonarascrew.
She moved out.Â...
Pay attention beyotches! Mischa Barton is opening up-and no, not her legs this time. She is back in the media, sharing her wisdom-yet again. Will there ever be a day when we won't have to be victim to her wisdom? The answer is "No!"
Mischa is just so insightful-she really needs a pulpit and I'm willing to help make that happen. I will personally lead the motion for the creation of a new religion-Mischatology, anyone?
Lesson one in the Book of Mischatology: Don't get married.
...
Get it? Do you get it? I'm saying everything twice because Julia's movie, Duplicity, tanked on its opening weekend. Sigh...I make me laugh.
Here's the deal: Duplicity is probably a pretty good movie; it pulled in $14.4M. But it's where society is at right now. We want senseless crap that requires as little processing as possible. I think Dr. Phil calls the food version of this phenomenon Low Response Cost...vittles that you can mindlessly ingest. Therefore, Duplicity was tru...
Ashton Kutcher tweeted his wife's ass on Twitter. That makes him a twat, right? It would make him an ex-husband if he were married to me, but I've never been tolerant of men who refer to their spouses as "wifey" anyway. Ah, that pesky Nikon celebrity endorser...
Demi Moore seriously has the best ass for a forty-six-year-old. Is this a result of Kabbalah? Because, I just tied about eighteen red strings around my wrist and I've already lost two pounds. And I'm feeling way more hol...
People reports that Today show host Matt Lauer had a little run-in this weekend with a deer. Apparently Matt was riding his Schwinn, I don't really know that he was riding a Schwinn but it sounds like "schwing" and I always feel that when Matt is around, and hit a deer.
Where in the world was Matt Lauer on Monday? Not on the Today show, due to a weekend incident as he was riding his bicycle, according to his NBC cohort Meredith Vieira.
Lauer encountered a deer while he was on the road, sa...
Yep, our favorite mono-legged vegan has crawled into bed with Burger King as spokesperson to promote their new vegetarian burger. In exchange for services provided, BK is leaving $6M on the ethical (as long as ethics don't include taking money from burger-flinging fast food chains) meat shunner's nightstand. And by "shunned meat", I mean Paul McCartney's dick.
A spokesperson for Heather only had this to say:Â "Heather has been a vegan ever since she lost her leg and she has been devel...
Good morning and Happy Monday! Did you guys enjoy Evil Beet's new writer Kelly as much as I did? She had me laughing all weekend and I wished Monday would never come. As a matter of fact, I looked in the mirror this morning and sighed, "Ah, you again?" The only thing that can cure me of the Monday blues is to talk about love.
I don't know if we can really categorize this as love, it could just be great head, but Josh Groban is reportedly hooking up with Katy Perry. Now, when I say ...
I was really surprised when Chris Brown and Rihanna got back together after he assaulted her. I was not surprised by their fake break-up this week. Now, Star Magazine is reporting that Chris and Rihanna made a sex tape that Brown is in possession of. Of course. This would explain why Rihanna had to stay with him post-abuse. Not because she has no self-esteem. It was all because she feared the tape, that I will go out on a limb and say doesn't even exist, being released.
Let me be ver...
David Letterman has always struck me as so logical and rational, but he's gone hog-wild and married his girlfriend of twenty-three years. The transcript from tonight's Late Show With David Letterman:
On Thursday, at 3 PM, March 19, 2009 at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko.
Regina and I began dating in February of 1986, and I said, ‘Well, things are going pretty good, let’s just see what happens in about ten years….’
…I had avoid...
Hard to believe it's that time of the month again, but like breaking open a new pack of Yaz, it's time for March's installment of Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox broke up.
I don't really have the energy to come with a new and creative way to spoon this information out to you all, so can we just get this over with? God, this feels like the goodbye sex you never want to have. Like, where you're totally over the dude but you feel obligated to give him the Sayonarascrew.
She moved out.Â...
...
Pay attention beyotches! Mischa Barton is opening up-and no, not her legs this time. She is back in the media, sharing her wisdom-yet again. Will there ever be a day when we won't have to be victim to her wisdom? The answer is "No!"
Mischa is just so insightful-she really needs a pulpit and I'm willing to help make that happen. I will personally lead the motion for the creation of a new religion-Mischatology, anyone?
Lesson one in the Book of Mischatology: Don't get married.
...
Get it? Do you get it? I'm saying everything twice because Julia's movie, Duplicity, tanked on its opening weekend. Sigh...I make me laugh.
Here's the deal: Duplicity is probably a pretty good movie; it pulled in $14.4M. But it's where society is at right now. We want senseless crap that requires as little processing as possible. I think Dr. Phil calls the food version of this phenomenon Low Response Cost...vittles that you can mindlessly ingest. Therefore, Duplicity was tru...
Ashton Kutcher tweeted his wife's ass on Twitter. That makes him a twat, right? It would make him an ex-husband if he were married to me, but I've never been tolerant of men who refer to their spouses as "wifey" anyway. Ah, that pesky Nikon celebrity endorser...
Demi Moore seriously has the best ass for a forty-six-year-old. Is this a result of Kabbalah? Because, I just tied about eighteen red strings around my wrist and I've already lost two pounds. And I'm feeling way more hol...
People reports that Today show host Matt Lauer had a little run-in this weekend with a deer. Apparently Matt was riding his Schwinn, I don't really know that he was riding a Schwinn but it sounds like "schwing" and I always feel that when Matt is around, and hit a deer.
Where in the world was Matt Lauer on Monday? Not on the Today show, due to a weekend incident as he was riding his bicycle, according to his NBC cohort Meredith Vieira.
Lauer encountered a deer while he was on the road, sa...
Yep, our favorite mono-legged vegan has crawled into bed with Burger King as spokesperson to promote their new vegetarian burger. In exchange for services provided, BK is leaving $6M on the ethical (as long as ethics don't include taking money from burger-flinging fast food chains) meat shunner's nightstand. And by "shunned meat", I mean Paul McCartney's dick.
A spokesperson for Heather only had this to say:Â "Heather has been a vegan ever since she lost her leg and she has been devel...
Good morning and Happy Monday! Did you guys enjoy Evil Beet's new writer Kelly as much as I did? She had me laughing all weekend and I wished Monday would never come. As a matter of fact, I looked in the mirror this morning and sighed, "Ah, you again?" The only thing that can cure me of the Monday blues is to talk about love.
I don't know if we can really categorize this as love, it could just be great head, but Josh Groban is reportedly hooking up with Katy Perry. Now, when I say ...
I was really surprised when Chris Brown and Rihanna got back together after he assaulted her. I was not surprised by their fake break-up this week. Now, Star Magazine is reporting that Chris and Rihanna made a sex tape that Brown is in possession of. Of course. This would explain why Rihanna had to stay with him post-abuse. Not because she has no self-esteem. It was all because she feared the tape, that I will go out on a limb and say doesn't even exist, being released.
Let me be ver...
...