Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Mark Kerrigan More or Less Gets Away With Murder

Remember Mark Kerrigan? The psycho-brother of Nancy Kerrigan who choked their father to death over phone-use privileges? He was taken to court over the death of dad, Daniel Kerrigan, and -- as far as I'm concerned -- got away with a slap on the wrist today: a manslaughter indictment.  I guess, however, it's better than nothing. Kerrigan was initially to be charged with assault and battery, so I suppose we'll just have to take what we can get in this case. According to the district attor...

Woot, Woot! Oprah to Stay on Television!

Come awnnn ... Did you really think you could get rid of the World's Greatest Humanitarian-Ever-in-Life that easily? Oprah Winfrey's taking her talk show skills to nighttime programming! The transition was announced earlier today when reps for the big O confirmed that she'll be be hosting a show on her new network (the Oprah Winfrey Network, that is) called "Oprah's New Chapter." The show has the same kind of concept as all other talk shows, really: Oprah claims that the show will ce...

In Other News …

Lindsay Lohan gets grosser and grosser as the days go by. Especially those grubby little paws that she calls 'hands.' [Celebslam] Pamela Anderson's wasted. Again. [popbytes] Brad Douriff freaks me the eff out. [Pajiba] Aww, Miley's talking marriage. This'll end well. [Celebitchy] AshleyMadison.com -- a site for self-proclaimed "cheaters." [Zelda Lily] Bristol Palin puts out a really stupid Public Service Announcement. [Litely Salted] Justin Bieber hates his teeth. I do, too. [Allie is Wired] Heidi Klum loves sex, in case you couldn't tell by her always-provocative photo shoots. [Amy Grindhouse] Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr split up. As if you cared. [Betty Confidential] />Lindsay Lohan gets grosser and grosser as the days go by. Especially those grubby little paws that she calls 'hands.' [Celebslam] Pamela Anderson's wasted. Again. [popbytes] Brad Douriff freaks me the eff out. [Pajiba] Aww, Miley's talking marriage. This'll end well. [Celebitchy] AshleyMadison.com -- a site for self-proclaimed "cheaters." [Zelda Lily] Bristol Palin puts out a really stupid Public Service Announcement. [Litely Salted] Justin Bieber hates his teeth. I do...

Fergie’s Gonna Knock a Bitch Out

... Either that or cry on them.  I'd take the lesser of two evils, but I'm not quite sure which one that'd be. Fergalicious speaks to Elle in the new May issue regarding the public's reaction to her mug and claims that it's totally hurtful when people call her "fugly": “It has hurt me in the past when people say things like how ‘fugly’ I am or how horrible I look. I’ve had to learn not to give it such a high priority in life.   Look, when you’re trying to juggle all of this in your life, som...

Will You Be Tuning In to Twist of Kate?

Looks like Dancing With the Stars alum, Kate Godzillasselin has hooked yet another show where her "fans" can watch her downward mental spiral. Kate's landed a spin-off of the TLC hit show Jon and Kate Plus 8 and filming commences around the time that Kate gets kicked off DWTS or something. Ha. The show centers around Kate and her eight children surviving the aftermath of Jon Gosselin, divorce, floods of paparazzi and her embarrassing stint of being a "star" on a lukewarm dancing show. ...

What the Hell is With Tiger’s New Nike Commercial?

The execs at Nike thought that it'd be a good commercial concept to channel Tiger's dead father. Tiger's dad, who passed away in 2006, was resurrected via Hollywood magic in order to give the fallen golf-star a stern talking-to regarding his multiple indiscretions. What do you guys think, pretty artistic or just ... kinda creepy? /> The execs at Nike thought that it'd be a good commercial concept to channel Tiger's dead father. Tiger's dad, who passed away in 2006, was resurrected via Hollywood magic in order to give the fallen golf-star a stern talking-to regarding his multiple indiscretions. What do you guys think, pretty artistic or just ... kinda creepy? ...

Jon Gosselin Filing For Primary Custody of the Kids That He Hasn’t Seen in Four Years

Okay, okay ... four years is an obvious exaggeration, but you get it. Word on the street is that Jon Gosselin's blown all of his TLC-borne money on cigarettes, Hostess Twinkies and skiing trips with nineteen year-old snow bunnies, so now he's looking to gain primary custody of his children so that Kate, the estranged wife, has to pay him child support. Damn, what an upstanding young man. Gosselin, who's been away from his kids for weeks at a time without seeing them, claims that Kate is an...

Does She Always Have to Be Stuffing Her Face?

I feel like every time I see new candid photos of the pop star, she's slamming back soda, chips or ice cream.  Not that I care what she decides to pollute her diet with, but damn ... I'm wicked jealous that it's apparently not damaging her newly-svelte figure.   New drinking game:  I think every time we see a new photo released where Britney's eating some kind of junky crap, we should drink a case of Heineken.  To the head.  Really.  We'll just be drunk, for like, ever. After giving ...

Jennifer Lopez Poses For Grandma’s Favorite Bathroom Magazine

Yep, the very same Redbook. At least, that was my Nana's favorite magazine before she died at the ripe old age of 89. J. Lo has clearly fallen quite far from her days of gracing Elle and Glamour and Rolling Stone, but I think she still looks fabulous and she's still one of the most beautiful women on the planet in my eyes. Redbook's sales might actually take a big hike up this edition, 'cause girlfriend's looking just smoking hot. In an interview with the geriatric orthopedist-office m...

The Sarah Jessica Parker Who’s Not Dead Totes Her Kids Around NYC

Although reports on April 1st emerged regarding Sarah Jessica Parker and the Grim Reaper, she was photographed earlier today looking alive and well not awful taking her eldest son, James Wilkie, to school. One of her baby twin daughters was pictured strapped to the Sex and the City star's chest. James Wilkie looks like a really young, modern-day Ferris Bueller ... but I guess that's what you get when he's your dad. (Yes, Matthew Broderick, despite the fact that you claimed to move onto "...

Quotables

“I can be mean. I can cave in to gossip. I can ice people out and I can definitely harbour revenge. In fact, I’m having a situation right now with a friend where I’m feeling pretty angry. But revenge is corrosive and it doesn’t make me feel good. I’ll wake up in the morning and think, ‘Ugh, I feel terrible’, and suddenly realize, ‘Ah, that’s why. I’m holding on to so much hate.” --Gwyneth Paltrow gives us an inside look at the ice-chip-nipple queen herself in an intervi...

Have You Perfected Your Greasy Fist-Pump Yet?

Better get on that shit, like, stat. Jersey Shore's intent on having more tools than your neighborhood hardware store ... and their ploy is a clever one. The MTV producers responsible for trainwreck-dessert-show Jersey Shore are looking for the latest and greatest guidos and guidettes to take the shore by storm.  Insiders say that they're looking to find the perfect roommates for the already-existing bunch of tools known as the cast of the Jersey Shore for this year's filming season. ...