First of all, that is not girlfriend's real voice. Don't you remember back in the nineties when her song 'How Do I Deal' was big and crazy and all over the place? No? Here, here's a Freshman year flashback for you:
Big differences? Breathy voice, smaller tits, awful center part in her hair, and the obligatory face close-ups. I also love the I Know What You Did Last Summer clips airing on the sheet hanging in the background of the video. I mean, yeah, I realize that this song was precisely recorded for the film soundtrack, but LOL. Come on. "JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT. HOT. SCARY FISHERMAN GUY. WHERE DID FREDDIE PRINZE JR'S. CAREER GO? WOOOOOOO, CREEPY."
It's a classic in the making, guys. Let's cut her (and it) some slack. And before you watch the two previous videos and go all nuts, saying, "Ugh, this girl can't sing", she's really not all that bad when you compare her to some of the 'singers' out there today. Here's a clip of her doing Janis Joplin's karaoke standard, 'Me and Bobby McGee':
Right? Not so awful. So now that we've established that it *probably* wasn't Jennifer Love Hewitt singing the actual song accompanying her striptease man-flash video for The Client List, I want to go back to the point that I originally intended to make in showing you this clip.
See, back when The Client List was this nothing little movie; a tiny blip on the Lifetime channel's entertainment radar, a bunch of women were all outraged that a movie was being made about a new ex-wife and mother having to whore herself out in order to pay the bills. It was degrading and gritty and a lot of people thought it was the anti-woman, succumbing to a world of men ... stuff. But it did relatively well. And JLH and the film execs rode that trail 'til enough buzz was generated by the made-for-TV movie that it was picked up as a series (to also be aired on Lifetime. I said it did 'well', not 'sensational'). Now that the series is going to be an actual thing, it seems like TCL is pandering only to those male audiences, showing Jennifer shaking her tits and showing her ass and checking out the pseudo-packages of her male clientele. And isn't that kind of the complete opposite of what the film's original intent was? Or did I get that wrong? Unless it's supposed to be a video empowering women to perform sex acts in order to support her kids so that they have enough, I don't know, Fruit Roll-ups for school? Is that what this all finally boiled down to? Because if it is. Man. What a disappointment. I'm all for tits and ass and Jennifer Love Hewitt, but not in such a cheap fashion. Way to go, Lifetime. Way to ruin a completely good premise by selling out.
What is the world coming to, guys, honestly. I just don't know anymore. />
First of all, that is not girlfriend's real voice. Don't you remember back in the nineties when her song 'How Do I Deal' was big and crazy and all over the place? No? Here, here's a Freshman year flashback for you:
Big differences? Breathy voice, smaller tits, awful center part in her hair, and the obligatory face close-ups. I also love the I Know What You Did Last Summer clips airing on the sheet hanging in the background of the video. I mean, yeah, I realize that this song was prec...
It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s David Hasselhoff photo: Anonymous
"David Hasselhoff: Sweatin’ to the Oldies"
F...
Guess the guys at Honda just couldn't wait for the Super Bowl to release Matthew Broderick's 'Ferris Bueller'-themed commercial, because here it is. And it's cute, I get it. It's a spoof of Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. If you've ever seen the movie, you'll know that a lot of it's almost verbatim. Cute what they did there.
However, this commercial did nothing more than further convince me that Matthew Broderick is a gay man trying to live a straight man's life while avoiding sex with Sarah Jessica Parker. The video screams it. What would Matthew Broderick be doing if he weren't married to Sarah Jessica Parker? Well, probably a lot more than what he's done in the past decade or so. He'd probably be doing more movies, more television appearances, more Broadway shows. But because his inert gayness sort of ekes its way into every crevice of each project he touches with his magic, Sarah Jessica Parker probably keeps him and whatever talent he's got way down under lock and key, because why. Because Sarah Jessica Parker wouldn't be able to deal with the public's interest that their marriage failed because both of them hated her vagina.
But she's got to look at it this way: Fran Drescher went through it. And it kind of brought her career back, I guess. Her career at least survived it. I mean, she gets interviews where she talks about aliens for f-ck's sake. If that doesn't say "Woo-hoo VIVA LA REVIVAL!" then I don't know what does.
All I know is that maybe if SJP occasionally let Matthew off the hook on the wall in the bathroom, he might be able to do some interesting stuff. But forever living in the shadow of Parker's
phantom mole career is only going to oppress him further.
I feel for you, Matt, and I hope one day you can experience the kind of true freedom that your alter-ego Ferris Bueller always did. You owe him at least that, after all he's really done for you. />
Guess the guys at Honda just couldn't wait for the Super Bowl to release Matthew Broderick's 'Ferris Bueller'-themed commercial, because here it is. And it's cute, I get it. It's a spoof of Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. If you've ever seen the movie, you'll know that a lot of it's almost verbatim. Cute what they did there.
However, this commercial did nothing more than further convince me that Matthew Broderick is a gay man trying to live a straight man's life while avoiding ...
Blake Lively's girl drama cost her a job. [Lainey Gossip]
Katy Perry has blue hair and bad shoe taste. [theBERRY]
Q&A with that hot Alcatraz star. [Starpulse]
How about some Jennifer Lopez bathing suit photos? [The Superficial]
The Celine Dion crowd-flash. [Socialite Life]
Will Obama be performing with Al Green? [TMZ]
What it costs to make Charlize Theron look good. [The Frisky]
Jess Simpson complains about "pregnancy face." [Cele|bitchy]
Are you ready for MDNA? [Popbytes]...
I know, I was just as surprised as you probably were. And you know what? As weird as it is to say, this news makes me happy. I mean, girlfriend eats. I'm not saying that she does anything crazy like keeps it down or anything, but going for the high-calorie stuff like hotdogs and bread and mustard. Wow. Color me impressed. These photos were taken at this past weekend's Dallas Mavericks basketball game, where other people of note (like Khloe Kardashian) were in attendance. LeAnn, if you were unawa...
Seriously. What the hell is the matter with these people? Do they not do their research? I mean, why not be obsessed with Anna Nicole Smith? Or maybe, I don't know, Elizabeth Bathory? Honestly, REALLY go off the deep end with our unhealthy role models. Wouldn't that be the best route at this point? Kind of cut out the middle-man altogether?
But yes, it's true, folks: Rihanna is the latest celebrity obsessed with Marilyn Monroe and her tortured life and addictions and fame and self-esteem i...
EW, Christina Aguilera. Seriously, EW. [The Superficial]
Marion Cotillard and Joaquin Phoenix? OH YES. [Lainey Gossip]
Did Wiz Khalifa make Amber Rose get a face tattoo? [Bossip]
JEDI: Do or do not. [theBERRY]
Stacy Keibler: busted or not? [Cele|bitchy]
Jennifer Aniston's showing leg. [Starpulse]
Tila Tequila got some new implants. [The Superficial]
Brad Pitt's under pressure. [Amy Grindhouse]
A test-tube chandelier? [The Frisky]
Jon Gosselin is back on the market, ladies! [IC...
Bad. Bad, bad, bad. What's bad? This dress is bad. Horrible-bad. The only thing that might be worse (wait ... let me consider that ... no, not worse) is the fact that I had to open up a new Google browser and type in 'Who the hell is Busy Phillips', because other than finding out from our photo agency that she's "friend of Michelle Williams," I couldn't place this chick to save my life. According to Wiki:
Elizabeth Jean Philipps (born June 25, 1979), known professionally as Busy Philipps, is ...
You guys know - you guys know - how much Lea Michelle generally unnerves me and doesn't do a whole lot that I think is talk-worthy or even think-worthy, but when push comes to shove and it's time to give credit where credit is due, I have to begrudgingly admit that Lea Michele was, by far, the best dressed at the 2012 Screen Actors Guild Awards. Best. The dress is a perfect cut for her, the shoes are totally enviable (if they just ... fit her a little bit better), and the hair is the ultimate compliment to ...
Fran Drescher. Explains so much, right? Honestly, hasn't she always kind of struck you as some weird other-world science project, what with that nasal voice and weird, rambling walk of hers? Doesn't it just make *sense* that, long ago, aliens visited Franny the Nanny, took her up to the wide expanse of outer space in their big old starship and probed her with a variety of ... I don't know, probe-like things? And that those things probably made her the way she is today? Because it's probably, m...
Video is pretty NSFW for language - so don't say I didn't warn you!
Here's the transcript from the video, in case some of you couldn't (or wouldn't) watch the clip, based on what it actually is:
[Dolphin screams "Bitch!"]
Advice for Kris Humphries and her, uh, Kim Kardashian: the first advice is, you dumb ass n-gga, you shouldn't have tried to wife the bitch, man. She's not that type of a ho. She gets around, man, you see when Reggie [Bush] took the bitch to Africa, she was looking at the Africans 'cause they had bigger dicks than him. He didn't know how to act afterwards, they sent his ass to Miami. Ray-J the only n-gga that bounced back from the bitch, man. She's cold-blooded. I'm pretty sure she have a book in a month, talking about all the n-ggas she got and how she played 'em. My advice is, look. You can't make a ho a housewife. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she was born to do. HO. Yeah. HO. Punk bitch.
[Dolphin screams "Bitch!" again]
That should pretty much sum up what Snoop Dogg here thinks of Kim Kardashian. Or rather, what the entire world probably thinks of her. The funny thing, however, is that, given the chance, Snoop would still probably hit it. With another brother's dick, all triple-wrapped and stuff, but he'd still be all about it, more than likely. If you take all of the nasty away from Kim Kardashian and her conniving ways and her beat-up kitty cat, she's still a pretty alluring chick, but then again, if you take all that stuff away, then she wouldn't be Kim Kardashian - she'd be, like, Princess f-cking Jasmine or something, you know? />
Video is pretty NSFW for language - so don't say I didn't warn you!
Here's the transcript from the video, in case some of you couldn't (or wouldn't) watch the clip, based on what it actually is:
[Dolphin screams "Bitch!"]
Advice for Kris Humphries and her, uh, Kim Kardashian: the first advice is, you dumb ass n-gga, you shouldn't have tried to wife the bitch, man. She's not that type of a ho. She gets around, man, you see when Reggie [Bush] took the bitch to Africa, she was looking at the ...