It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize.
Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s Donald Sutherland photo: Christopher Johnson
"I swear to you my name is Albus Dumbledore. ...
Octomom's receiving death threats. [The Superficial]
Looking for Lionel Richie, are you? [The Frisky]
Levi Johnston's super-sperm is at it again. [TMZ]
Tom Cruise pretends like he's Bon Jovi. [Socialite Life]
Nicole Kidman's granny hands. [Lainey Gossip]
... Uh, what happened to Lily Collins? [Yeeeah]
Hilary Duff gave birth to feet. [Amy Grindhouse]
Supermodels without the makeup and the Photoshop. [theBERRY]
Jennifer Lawrence says critics are slamming her for looking 'normal'. [Cele|bitchy]
Even Taylor Swift's peers...
No, really: what the hell happened to Lara Flynn Boyle's face? She used to be kind of cute, but now she just looks like some cheap Asian blowup doll you used to be able to buy at Spencer's before they stopped selling that kind of stuff. Somebody clearly missed that boat.
But anyway, as you can see, this is Lara Flynn Boyle (kind of), who was photographed leaving a liquor store outside of L.A. yesterday. I guess the liquor could explain away the puffy jowls that she's rocking like muttonchops, but the lips lip? Why ...
Here's a little something-something to cap your night off: Charlize Theron's "exclusive" "leaked sex tape" just for you!
Courtesy of Funny or Die, Charlize stars in her own spoof of a sex tape. And it's probably one of the best celebrity sex tapes I've ever seen, especially when compared to Kim Kardashian's or Paris Hilton's. If you can't watch the video, I'll give you the blow-by-blow - no pun intended.
The video opens with Charlize telling her boyfriend that she hopes no one sees the tape, and that Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton should "move over," because she's into some real kinky shit. A CD is put on, featuring the chanting sounds of Gregorian monks (at least that's what I think they are), and two men on a bed in full bondage attire are shown. Charlize speaks in a guttural grunts, and ... and then it's over. It's funny, yeah, but it's also kind of disturbing, and I don't mean it in a good way.
Just ... I don't know. Just watch the video and you'll see what I mean. I'm going to have a hard time sleeping tonight, I think. />Charlize Theron's Kinky Sex Tape from Charlize Theron
Here's a little something-something to cap your night off: Charlize Theron's "exclusive" "leaked sex tape" just for you!
Courtesy of Funny or Die, Charlize stars in her own spoof of a sex tape. And it's probably one of the best celebrity sex tapes I've ever seen, especially when compared to Kim Kardashian's or Paris Hilton's. If you can't watch the video, I'll give you the blow-by-blow - no pun intended.
The video opens with Charlize telling her boyfriend that she hopes no one sees the tape, and that Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton should "move over," because she's into some real kinky shit. A CD is put on, featuring the chant...
IMAGES REMOVED UPON REQUEST
Well these are some delightful little photos, aren't they? They're apparently outtakes from a recent Esquire photo shoot, and I think they kind of speak for themselves. Girlfriend is bomb, right? And what was this business I read this past weekend, people think that Jennifer Lawrence is "fat"? What kind of "fat" are we talking, here? If you mean "fat" in the sense of "ohmyf-ckingshit she's damn gorgeous," then yes, girl is fat as hell. But I think there was a word invented back in the day that Kimora Lee Simmons created an entire line from, and that word is "phat." And no, I can't believe that I even used that word in its right context either, but that's the only thing I can think of to apply to Jennifer Lawrence, because I *know* that no one can actually mean that she's overweight.
Moving on.
Here's a trailer from Jennifer's latest movie, 'House at the End of the Street', and it looks ... well, it's no 'Hunger Games', let's just say that, OK? If I say so myself, actually, the movie looks like complete crap, but I have a feeling that legions of dedicated Katniss Everdeen fans are going to flock to it come this September, because she is who she is:
Check out the rest of the photos in the gallery. They're not nearly as disappointing as the trailer for that piss-poor excuse for a movie.
IMAGES REMOVED UPON REQUEST />IMAGES REMOVED UPON REQUEST
Well these are some delightful little photos, aren't they? They're apparently outtakes from a recent Esquire photo shoot, and I think they kind of speak for themselves. Girlfriend is bomb, right? And what was this business I read this past weekend, people think that Jennifer Lawrence is "fat"? What kind of "fat" are we talking, here? If you mean "fat" in the sense of "ohmyf-ckingshit she's damn gorgeous," then yes, girl is fat as hell. But I think there was a word i...
No, that wasn't a misspelling, thanks.
And what the shit is this, anyway? Ashton Kutcher? Singing country music at a country awards show, singing about giving his all to a woman (or a man) in order to make them happy? In what world would people cheer that? Oh. Right. The audience of the ACM Awards, which we here at Evil Beet did not cover, primarily because it's not really our thing, and secondarily because Taylor Swift (who always wins everything) is f-cking atrocious, OK?
Also, Ashton Kutcher will be portraying the legendary Steve Jobs in an upcoming biopic. And I'm floored. I guess they're basing role-giving these days on how similar you can look to a person rather than if you can actually act. Long gone are the days of thinking role selection through to the point where you'd even considering casting an unknown for the sake of art instead of sacrificing it for a well-known face. The name of the film is 'Jobs', and MTV had this to say about the casting decision:
Floppy hair? Check. Internet savvy? Check. Less than a year after his death, the life of technology guru and Apple Inc. co-founder Steve Jobs will be honored in an upcoming independent biopic entitled "Jobs" starring Ashton Kutcher.
The TV and movie actor, who bears a striking resemblance to a young Jobs, is slated to begin filming the movie in May during his hiatus from "Two and a Half Men." The plan is to begin production before a rival film, based on writer Walter Isaacson's lauded Jobs biography, gets off the ground. Jobs died on October 5, 2011.
"Jobs" will be directed by Joshua Michael Stern ("Swing Vote") and will chronicle Jobs' rise from a Northern California hippie upbringing to the co-founding of Apple, according to the Hollywood Reporter.
Tell me this isn't going to be a shitshow.
Anyway, back to his country-singing, ten-gallon-hat-wearing schtick. This was Ashton's big moment of last night, and if you could swallow his getup with a boulder-sized grain of salt, then I guess you could probably deep-throat pretty much anything. Good for you.
Can we watch genuinely charming people perform in a candid setting now? Would that be alright with you guys? Because I've had just about enough of Ashton as I can handle. />
No, that wasn't a misspelling, thanks.
And what the shit is this, anyway? Ashton Kutcher? Singing country music at a country awards show, singing about giving his all to a woman (or a man) in order to make them happy? In what world would people cheer that? Oh. Right. The audience of the ACM Awards, which we here at Evil Beet did not cover, primarily because it's not really our thing, and secondarily because Taylor Swift (who always wins everything) is f-cking atrocious, OK?
Also, Ashton ...
The caption?:
Two little bears just watching the sunrise...
Now, can someone explain the bear thing to me? Is there some kind of trend going on with "bears" in the washed-up former backup dancer-turned actress/singer dating a backup dancer world, or am I being dense and it's maybe more obvious than I think? And why bears? Why not, I don't know, unicorns or starfish or even alligators? Or, I know. Is it maybe an inside joke? Because for the life of me, I never can understand why people put inside jokes on Twit...
The fashion, guys, the fashion. I didn't mean that she was caught in some seedy bar sucking face with an unknown so hard that she needed to get new teeth. That was a few years ago, in case you forgot.
No, this is what LeAnn wore to the Academy of Country Music Awards, and I'm not sure if I should give her a chamois to sponge off or hand her a tennis racket. The fashion is bad, bad, bad, and no amount of Stella McCartney love is going to redeem that dress. None.
In other LeAnn news, sources are saying that L...
OK, so I'm not going to rip apart a non-makeuped pregnant lady for eating in bed, because why bother? I remember being pregnant, you know, and I also ate much more bizarre things in bed than popcorn. I gorged on spaghetti ... sausage and peppers. I have stains on my mattress that may never come out.
So, no. No mockery here. Mockery-free, guys. But I am going to ask (in my customary questionable way), what the F-CK has Vanessa Minnillo done with her eyebrows? I mean, did she up and eat those...
What did you guys do, huh?
This past Saturday I sat down and Skyped with Joey Thompson, or, you know, The Guy Who Keeps Doing the Ryan Gosling Videos. 'What Ryan Gosling videos?' you might ask? Well, this one for example. And then, of course, there's this one.
Like I told you last week, Joey's latest endeavor is to appear on the Ellen DeGeneres show, so I decided that we here at Evil Beet could try to help him along his way, because he's funny, charming, and above all, not above making a f...
Chris Brown is still shilling his sweatshirts for Chris Brown. [The Superficial]
Alicia Keys is being cheated on. [Bossip]
What IS the consistency of vampire ejaculate? [Lainey Gossip]
Chevy Chase is a douchebag, huh? [Cele|bitchy]
Photos from 2012 ACM Awards. [theBERRY]
Courtney Stodden's boobs are even bigger. [The Superficial]
Kate Winslet calls Leonardo DiCaprio fat. [Amy Grindhouse]
Wearing glasses and earrings together. [The Frisky]
Katy Perry's fashion sense is impr...
From MediaTakeout:
MediaTakeOut.com was first tipped off by DOZENS of readers who claimed that Bey's new 2 month old baby looked STRANGE in recent pics . . . and they suspected that Bey might be carrying around a DOLL - instead of a 2 month old baby.
Well MedaTakeOut.com did an investigation - and our findings were STARTLING!!! We looked at photos of Blue taken about a WEEK AND A HALF in New York - and compared them with images taken two days ago. In the photos, Baby Blue grew in height about 1...
It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize.
Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s Donald Sutherland photo: Christopher Johnson
"I swear to you my name is Albus Dumbledore. ...
Octomom's receiving death threats. [The Superficial]
Looking for Lionel Richie, are you? [The Frisky]
Levi Johnston's super-sperm is at it again. [TMZ]
Tom Cruise pretends like he's Bon Jovi. [Socialite Life]
Nicole Kidman's granny hands. [Lainey Gossip]
... Uh, what happened to Lily Collins? [Yeeeah]
Hilary Duff gave birth to feet. [Amy Grindhouse]
Supermodels without the makeup and the Photoshop. [theBERRY]
Jennifer Lawrence says critics are slamming her for looking 'normal'. [Cele|bitchy]
Even Taylor Swift's peers...
No, really: what the hell happened to Lara Flynn Boyle's face? She used to be kind of cute, but now she just looks like some cheap Asian blowup doll you used to be able to buy at Spencer's before they stopped selling that kind of stuff. Somebody clearly missed that boat.
But anyway, as you can see, this is Lara Flynn Boyle (kind of), who was photographed leaving a liquor store outside of L.A. yesterday. I guess the liquor could explain away the puffy jowls that she's rocking like muttonchops, but the lips lip? Why ...
The caption?:
Two little bears just watching the sunrise...
Now, can someone explain the bear thing to me? Is there some kind of trend going on with "bears" in the washed-up former backup dancer-turned actress/singer dating a backup dancer world, or am I being dense and it's maybe more obvious than I think? And why bears? Why not, I don't know, unicorns or starfish or even alligators? Or, I know. Is it maybe an inside joke? Because for the life of me, I never can understand why people put inside jokes on Twit...
The fashion, guys, the fashion. I didn't mean that she was caught in some seedy bar sucking face with an unknown so hard that she needed to get new teeth. That was a few years ago, in case you forgot.
No, this is what LeAnn wore to the Academy of Country Music Awards, and I'm not sure if I should give her a chamois to sponge off or hand her a tennis racket. The fashion is bad, bad, bad, and no amount of Stella McCartney love is going to redeem that dress. None.
In other LeAnn news, sources are saying that L...
OK, so I'm not going to rip apart a non-makeuped pregnant lady for eating in bed, because why bother? I remember being pregnant, you know, and I also ate much more bizarre things in bed than popcorn. I gorged on spaghetti ... sausage and peppers. I have stains on my mattress that may never come out.
So, no. No mockery here. Mockery-free, guys. But I am going to ask (in my customary questionable way), what the F-CK has Vanessa Minnillo done with her eyebrows? I mean, did she up and eat those...
What did you guys do, huh?
This past Saturday I sat down and Skyped with Joey Thompson, or, you know, The Guy Who Keeps Doing the Ryan Gosling Videos. 'What Ryan Gosling videos?' you might ask? Well, this one for example. And then, of course, there's this one.
Like I told you last week, Joey's latest endeavor is to appear on the Ellen DeGeneres show, so I decided that we here at Evil Beet could try to help him along his way, because he's funny, charming, and above all, not above making a f...
Chris Brown is still shilling his sweatshirts for Chris Brown. [The Superficial]
Alicia Keys is being cheated on. [Bossip]
What IS the consistency of vampire ejaculate? [Lainey Gossip]
Chevy Chase is a douchebag, huh? [Cele|bitchy]
Photos from 2012 ACM Awards. [theBERRY]
Courtney Stodden's boobs are even bigger. [The Superficial]
Kate Winslet calls Leonardo DiCaprio fat. [Amy Grindhouse]
Wearing glasses and earrings together. [The Frisky]
Katy Perry's fashion sense is impr...
From MediaTakeout:
MediaTakeOut.com was first tipped off by DOZENS of readers who claimed that Bey's new 2 month old baby looked STRANGE in recent pics . . . and they suspected that Bey might be carrying around a DOLL - instead of a 2 month old baby.
Well MedaTakeOut.com did an investigation - and our findings were STARTLING!!! We looked at photos of Blue taken about a WEEK AND A HALF in New York - and compared them with images taken two days ago. In the photos, Baby Blue grew in height about 1...