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It's Christina Aguilera! And her creepy, bloat-faced boyfriend, Matthew Rutler, who's looking, dare I say it, a little worn out. Is Christina keeping him up late at night? Well I don't know, but one thing is for certain---it's not pancake makeup that's keeping him up, whatever that means. It's a thinly-veiled reference to the fact that Christina---oh my God---has left the building without her customary seventeen layers of acrylic and shimmer powder and polyurethane on, and we should celebrate that, really, because it's like Christmas in that it happens maybe once a year (twice, if you're one of those freaks who celebrate Christmas in July).
Can we also talk about how epic the singing competition shows are going to be this year? We've got Mariah Carey on 'American Idol', Christina Aguilera on 'The Voice', and Britney Spears on 'X-Factor'. Which show do you think's going to bring in the highest ratings? I mean, I don't even watch these crap shows and I'm curious to know which of the three is going to blow the other two out of the water.
Who's going to reign this year?
{democracy:381}
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It's Christina Aguilera! And her creepy, bloat-faced boyfriend, Matthew Rutler, who's looking, dare I say it, a little worn out. Is Christina keeping him up late at night? Well I don't know, but one thing is for certain---it's not pancake makeup that's keeping him up, whatever that means. It's a thinly-veiled reference to the fact that Christina---oh my God---has left the building without her customary seventeen layers of acrylic and shimmer powder and polyurethane on...
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So I was thinking about this so hard last night, that I actually *dreamed* about this sad old situation. Yeah. I did. I dreamed that I was on my way to Taco Bell (?) and I pulled up to a stoplight, where, in the vehicle next to me, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson sat, arguing vociferously over why she had to go and let this skeevy married-with-children dude kiss her boobs and act like a sixteen-year-old in the back of Dad's borrowed car, Dad who trusted you so much not to put a ding in it that he didn't even think to tell you not to have nasty makeout sessions with rat-faced film directors. My bad, Dad.
In the dream, Robert was crying and pulling all sorts of faces while Kristen sat in the driver's seat, sticking out her jaw and chewing gum and rolling her eyes and I really, really wanted to punch her in her stupid head for being so stupid, because really. What a dick move, you know?
And the longer I sat in the car, watching this unfold, the angrier I got. And the angrier I got sitting in my driver's seat, the more I wanted to punch her in her stupid head for being so stupid. And the more I wanted to punch her in her stupid head for being so stupid? Well. I acted upon it. I pushed my car door open, climbed out (right at the longest red light ever) and started banging on Kristen's window, which was up, even though it was ninety-some degrees out and it looked like her air conditioning vents were busted (her bony ass probably f-cked it up while she was grinding on that married-with-children dude the other day). She looked up at me with mild disinterest and then dropped her gaze to her fingernails, which were chewed and ragged and gross. I could tell that she wasn't about to open any doors for me, so I reached down and pulled on the car door handle, and to my luck, it was open.
From there, I proceeded to drag her out of the car, slap her in the face, tell her what a stupid, stupid bitch she is and that no amount of 'Snow White and the Huntsman 2' offers could ever get me to forget what she did, and then I hopped into her contaminated Mini Cooper and drove off with Robert Pattinson in the passenger seat. And he was happy.
Whatever. I didn't say the dream had any particular point.
Check out the photos of Kristen's post-scandal face. I just don't even get it.
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So I was thinking about this so hard last night, that I actually *dreamed* about this sad old situation. Yeah. I did. I dreamed that I was on my way to Taco Bell (?) and I pulled up to a stoplight, where, in the vehicle next to me, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson sat, arguing vociferously over why she had to go and let this skeevy married-with-children dude kiss her boobs and act like a sixteen-year-old in the back of Dad's borrowed car, Dad who trusted you so mu...
So, after taking a few-hour hiatus from really talking about this story with you guys, I've got all sorts of information (and pictures! Oh have I got the Kristen Stewart cheating pictures). Here's the gist of what's going on:
Kristen was hooking up with this guy, director Rupert Sanders, a married dude who's got two young children, last week. The photos were taken while the two were publicly making out in Kristen's Mini Cooper and in a park overlooking Hollywood. The more graphic parts of the m...
Let's just hope he doesn't go out and CHEAT ON HER like some people might.
From Radar Online:
The Toxic singer and her fiance of over 7 months, Jason Trawick, are having major problems in their relationship due to the pressure of her new judging gig, multiple sources tell RadarOnline.com exclusively.
“Their relationship has been majorly rocky ever since she started filming The X Factor,” a source reveals to Radar. “They are constantly fighting about everything, and it isn’t good.”
Ano...
Real Carly Rae Jepsen nudes this time. [The Superficial]
Jon Hamm's bar moves. [Lainey Gossip]
The details of Kristen Stewart's cheating. [Lainey Gossip]
10 Celebrity Heroes. [Starpulse]
Natalie Portman's adorable family. [Socialite Life]
Roseanne thinks a vagina is a pink bird or something. [Seriously OMG]
January Jones and Jessica Chastain face off over BOOBS. [The Frisky]
Russell Brand is banging Jordana Brewster's younger sister. [Celebslam]
BLIND ITEMS REVEALED: What couple seduced a cucumber at a...
I don't even know why I'm bothering to cover this when there are RELATIONSHIPS BEING TORN APART BY SELFISH, BITCHY, FOUL CHEATING, but I am, and here's the latest:
---Katherine Jackson's legal and physical guardianship of Paris, Blanket, and Prince Jackson is temporarily suspended.
---TJ Jackson, a cousin or something of the kids, has been named temporary guardian of all three children.
---A laywer is advising TJ Jackson to move for permanent guardianship, thus removing Grandma Katherine Jac...
Now, it seems like we have a history of slamming Demi Lovato's hair (and for good reason---oftentimes it looks completely f-cking awful), and it's usually because her extensions are way busted, or because she dyes her hair questionable colors that just aren't all that flattering, and this new style is no exception.
I'm just going to cut to the chase---love it or leave it? Because I, for one, think it's really, really bad.
{democracy:374}...
"I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry."
Oh my God I just can't even. I'd hoped that there was a possibly that this would turn out to be a stupid, stupid lie, because there's a Twihard inside me that's just dying to know that Bella and Edward Kristen and Rober...
Yes, because while Tom's current public reputation is in the shitter, why not try to drag Katie down with him? Makes perfect sense, especially when you're Tom Cruise.
Here's what was happening in the Cruise marriage four months before the breakup, that made everyone continuously think that these two were in it for the sheer publicity:
Cruise and Holmes stood in a darkened area near the bathrooms [of a theater]. “Everyone’s just staring at them. And he and Katie were extremely touch...
From Life & Style:
Life & Style can exclusively reveal that Demi Moore, 49, has been secretly dating New Zealand–born actor Martin Henderson, who is 12 years her junior.
Life & Style has obtained exclusive photos of the couple on a romantic Connecticut getaway. On July 19, Demi and Martin went to lunch at Nine Main Bakery and Deli in New Preston, Conn. “She was in line and a Colbie Caillat song came on — she started singing along and dancing in a playful, flirty way,” shares a fe...
Remember Emily told you guys about a "physical" incident that occurred within the perimeter of the Jackson Estate? It was between that fiery fireball, Paris Jackson, and her auntie, Janet. IT'S ON. From TMZ:
Sources who were there say two SUVs with Randy, Jermaine and Janet inside, followed a car driving Michael Jackson's 3 kids inside the gates. We're told Randy, Jermaine and Janet did not have authority to enter.
Once on the grounds, we're told MJ's 3 siblings tried to strong-arm Paris,...
From KVDR in Denver, Colorado:
"Dark Knight Rises” star Christian Bale visited victims of the Aurora theater shootings at the Medical Center of Aurora South on Tuesday.
Shooting victim Carey Rottman posted to his Facebook page a picture of Bale visiting him in his hospital room.
“Wow!!! Thank you so much for the visit Christian!! What a great guy! Still in shock!,” Rottman wrote.
A source at the hospital said Bale arrived via ambulance around 2 p.m.
OK, so I pretty much take ...