I watched The Daily Show last night because, like many twentysomethings with short attention spans, I need Jon Stewart to report and interpret current events for me. And it was just the most. Ooh, you would've loved Denis Leary and his beautiful hair.
The very best bit came early in the episode when, in the midst of anchorperson Jon Stewart complaining about the state of our bedraggled nation, correspondent John Oliver miraculously appeared---umbrella in hand, in imitation of a certain ma...
Somewhere, somehow, somebody convinced a roomful of executives that a reboot of Dallas would be the ultimate in Exciting Television.
The Powerpoint presentation, probably:
"Good afternoon. We recently asked ourselves, 'Selves, what dead franchise from the 1970s and '80s can we reanimate?' And then we began to wonder which dead careers we could reanimate, too.
"We believe we have finally solved those puzzles, and more. The TNT network has long sought an audience among the profitable, elusive demographic of elderly women ("boomers") and also their granddaughters ("Millenials"), all while saving money. How better, then, than to cast cadaverous has-beens alongside a much younger generation of has-beens?
Somewhere, somehow, somebody convinced a roomful of executives that a reboot of Dallas would be the ultimate in Exciting Television.
The Powerpoint presentation, probably:
"Good afternoon. We recently asked ourselves, 'Selves, what dead franchise from the 1970s and '80s can we reanimate?' And then we began to wonder which dead careers we could reanimate, too.
"We believe we have finally solved those puzzles, and more. The TNT network has long sought an audience among the profitable, ...
Image courtesy NBC Chicago
Entertainment Weekly demands to know, "Why, Rob Lowe? Why?!" and I can only echo this headline's horror.
In mid-June I warned you that hot, hot Rob Lowe had been cast as then-55-year-old wife-killer Drew Peterson, who is comparatively, unsexily swollen. (I also accurately anticipated what Rob Lowe might look like in the role, and it wasn't pretty.)
And here he is now, in 9 hours' makeup, for his part in the upcoming made-for-TV movie Untouchable. Oh, my beloved...
Anthony Weiner's wife, Huma Abedin---who is so much more accomplished, intelligent, beautiful, and pregnant than her gross husband is---celebrated her first wedding anniversary with Mr. Twitdick this weekend. According to Page Six, the couple "looked very much in love as they dined with friends at Miami's celebrity hot spot Prime 112 steakhouse on Saturday night."
And on July 4, the couple reportedly "looked happy together" too! Please remember that Huma's husband, then a New...
Image courtesy Novelas y Mas
In April, ABC finally killed off "One Life to Live" and "All My Children." Both soap operas had aired for 40-plus years.
It's hard for me to pretend to get worked up over every insipid soap's inevitable cancellation. Still, I know that at least two million viewers tune in daily to watch their "stories," and moreover, a lot of non-viewers associate daytime network television with Memories of Summer at Grandma's House. That's sweet, sort of.
So, because I am not ...
Here's Lady Lovely Locks, AKA teenaged Adrian Grenier, in what must be the most magical 1990s senior photo ever composed. He stares doe-eyed into the camera's flash, looking directly into the glowing vortex of his bright future. I especially love the way Grenier's flowing locks---which accentuate his natural widow's peak so beautifully---kind of create an aesthetic dissonance with the bow tie. (The only thing that can explain Grenier's hair: he immediately went on to college to study molecula...
I loathe this charmingly suggestive PSA, hosted by Friends With Benefits' Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. Why, you ask?
First of all, I hate Justin Timberlake's burgeoning movie career. Sure, he's cute. Sure, he has innate comedic timing. You know what he doesn't have? A current Billboard hit. Get back to it, Timberlake! Dance for us! Dance!
But more importantly, I hate it when Justin Timberlake stands too close to Mila Kunis like this. In the PSA video, when he feels up Mila's butt and...
Photo via The Smoking Gun
Last November, in one of the lamest events of 2010, Willie Nelson was detained in Sierra Blanca, Texas (population 533, home of America's Largest Sewage Dump) for having a stinky tour bus. He was subsequently arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, a misdemeanor offense that carries no jail time.
This June, it seemed as though Nelson struck a pretty good plea deal: if he coughed up a $500 fine and court expenses, he could go on his merry way, the prosecutor decided. Because what kind of sicko ...
Good morning, Thursdayheads! In the morning, I always like to pour myself a cup of old, reheated coffee, burn a bagel, and pretend to read a newspaper. (Usually I just flip around until I find "The Wizard of Id" or "Pickles," because I am basically 12.)
If I were like a real adult, though, maybe I'd be reading the Wall Street Journal right now, but then again, probably only its movie reviews. And I'd be looking for the pictures---you know, the distinctive little stipple-and-crosshatching dealies. God, I love those. They're so classy.
This is it. This is the Sheenpocalypse. We are now being engulfed in a deluge of Sheen.
- Yesterday, Comedy Central announced its "Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen." It will star Charlie Sheen.
- The Roast is coincidentally scheduled to air the same day that Two and Half Men premieres with its new star, Ashton Kutcher. Huh.
- If anyone disses Brooke Mueller during this little Roast, she swears to God, she will sue his ever-living balls off, Charlie.
- Faygo-a-go-go! Charlie Sheen is slated to co-host, for one night and one night only...
Photograph by Terry Richardson
First of all, thanks to the commenter who recommended the name "Justifer," which is not only a much sleeker celebrity-couple portmanteau than whatever I suggested ("JustAnisTin") but contoured enough that any couple named Justin and Jennifer could use it.
Moving right along: This morning the Daily Mail has a 60-point headline screaming "Jennifer Aniston waves goodbye to Hollywood for a year as she turns love into a full time job." That is just like the Daily Mail, isn't it? Every headline is a bad film trailer, giving away the whole movie. (Also, the Daily...
Photo courtesy of The Sun
In absolutely terrifying news, Paris Hilton's stalker James Rainford was arrested---on the beach, and shirtless---Monday afternoon. Another beachgoer noticed Rainford spying into the window of Hilton's Malibu beach house and immediately phoned the authorities.
Rainford was arrested for violating "a valid restraining order prohibiting him from being within 200 yards of Miss Hilton or her residence," according to the L.A. County Sheriff's Department.
That court order went...
I watched The Daily Show last night because, like many twentysomethings with short attention spans, I need Jon Stewart to report and interpret current events for me. And it was just the most. Ooh, you would've loved Denis Leary and his beautiful hair.
The very best bit came early in the episode when, in the midst of anchorperson Jon Stewart complaining about the state of our bedraggled nation, correspondent John Oliver miraculously appeared---umbrella in hand, in imitation of a certain ma...
Somewhere, somehow, somebody convinced a roomful of executives that a reboot of Dallas would be the ultimate in Exciting Television.
The Powerpoint presentation, probably:
"Good afternoon. We recently asked ourselves, 'Selves, what dead franchise from the 1970s and '80s can we reanimate?' And then we began to wonder which dead careers we could reanimate, too.
"We believe we have finally solved those puzzles, and more. The TNT network has long sought an audience among the profitable, ...
Image courtesy NBC Chicago
Entertainment Weekly demands to know, "Why, Rob Lowe? Why?!" and I can only echo this headline's horror.
In mid-June I warned you that hot, hot Rob Lowe had been cast as then-55-year-old wife-killer Drew Peterson, who is comparatively, unsexily swollen. (I also accurately anticipated what Rob Lowe might look like in the role, and it wasn't pretty.)
And here he is now, in 9 hours' makeup, for his part in the upcoming made-for-TV movie Untouchable. Oh, my beloved...
Anthony Weiner's wife, Huma Abedin---who is so much more accomplished, intelligent, beautiful, and pregnant than her gross husband is---celebrated her first wedding anniversary with Mr. Twitdick this weekend. According to Page Six, the couple "looked very much in love as they dined with friends at Miami's celebrity hot spot Prime 112 steakhouse on Saturday night."
And on July 4, the couple reportedly "looked happy together" too! Please remember that Huma's husband, then a New...
Image courtesy Novelas y Mas
In April, ABC finally killed off "One Life to Live" and "All My Children." Both soap operas had aired for 40-plus years.
It's hard for me to pretend to get worked up over every insipid soap's inevitable cancellation. Still, I know that at least two million viewers tune in daily to watch their "stories," and moreover, a lot of non-viewers associate daytime network television with Memories of Summer at Grandma's House. That's sweet, sort of.
So, because I am not ...
Here's Lady Lovely Locks, AKA teenaged Adrian Grenier, in what must be the most magical 1990s senior photo ever composed. He stares doe-eyed into the camera's flash, looking directly into the glowing vortex of his bright future. I especially love the way Grenier's flowing locks---which accentuate his natural widow's peak so beautifully---kind of create an aesthetic dissonance with the bow tie. (The only thing that can explain Grenier's hair: he immediately went on to college to study molecula...
I loathe this charmingly suggestive PSA, hosted by Friends With Benefits' Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. Why, you ask?
First of all, I hate Justin Timberlake's burgeoning movie career. Sure, he's cute. Sure, he has innate comedic timing. You know what he doesn't have? A current Billboard hit. Get back to it, Timberlake! Dance for us! Dance!
But more importantly, I hate it when Justin Timberlake stands too close to Mila Kunis like this. In the PSA video, when he feels up Mila's butt and...
Photo via The Smoking Gun
Last November, in one of the lamest events of 2010, Willie Nelson was detained in Sierra Blanca, Texas (population 533, home of America's Largest Sewage Dump) for having a stinky tour bus. He was subsequently arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, a misdemeanor offense that carries no jail time.
This June, it seemed as though Nelson struck a pretty good plea deal: if he coughed up a $500 fine and court expenses, he could go on his merry way, the prosecutor decided. Because what kind of sicko ...
Good morning, Thursdayheads! In the morning, I always like to pour myself a cup of old, reheated coffee, burn a bagel, and pretend to read a newspaper. (Usually I just flip around until I find "The Wizard of Id" or "Pickles," because I am basically 12.)
If I were like a real adult, though, maybe I'd be reading the Wall Street Journal right now, but then again, probably only its movie reviews. And I'd be looking for the pictures---you know, the distinctive little stipple-and-crosshatching dealies. God, I l...
This is it. This is the Sheenpocalypse. We are now being engulfed in a deluge of Sheen.
- Yesterday, Comedy Central announced its "Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen." It will star Charlie Sheen.
- The Roast is coincidentally scheduled to air the same day that Two and Half Men premieres with its new star, Ashton Kutcher. Huh.
- If anyone disses Brooke Mueller during this little Roast, she swears to God, she will sue his ever-living balls off, Charlie.
- Faygo-a-go-go! Charlie Sheen is slated to co-host, for one night and one night only...
Photograph by Terry Richardson
First of all, thanks to the commenter who recommended the name "Justifer," which is not only a much sleeker celebrity-couple portmanteau than whatever I suggested ("JustAnisTin") but contoured enough that any couple named Justin and Jennifer could use it.
Moving right along: This morning the Daily Mail has a 60-point headline screaming "Jennifer Aniston waves goodbye to Hollywood for a year as she turns love into a full time job." That is just like the Daily Mail, isn't it? Every headline is a bad film trailer, giving away the whole movie. (Also, the Daily...
Photo courtesy of The Sun
In absolutely terrifying news, Paris Hilton's stalker James Rainford was arrested---on the beach, and shirtless---Monday afternoon. Another beachgoer noticed Rainford spying into the window of Hilton's Malibu beach house and immediately phoned the authorities.
Rainford was arrested for violating "a valid restraining order prohibiting him from being within 200 yards of Miss Hilton or her residence," according to the L.A. County Sheriff's Department.
That court order went...