Ha, ha! Just kidding! She isn't sorry at all!
So one time, Madonna sat down with a bouquet of hydrangeas---to apologize to them, to stroke them affectionately, maybe to make them breakfast later.
"You have no idea how many nights I have lost," Madonna mouths to the bouquet (it's, uh, a silent movie), "thinking how I hurt you." She coddles the hydrangeas a while longer, whispering sweet nothings into their delicate purple petals.
Suddenly, a twist! The music turns violent! So, you think Madonna is some kind of monster? Cast her as a villainess, will you? She'll show you "monster"! A monster you want? A MONSTER YE SHALL RECEIVE! (That's how I interpreted the music, anyway.) Madonna addresses the camera: "I still hate hydrangeas!" she pantomimes. "And I will always hate them!"
Madonna, in her best impersonation of "no wire hangers," hurls the hydrangeas to the floor, cruelly tramples them, and storms off---visibly giggling.
She's a cheeky little brat, isn't she? Madge! Are you sure your publicist is doing his job?
No, no, don't get up. Everything's fine, Madge. Vitalii Sediuk, the self-described "Ukrainian TV person" you insulted, says he forgives you.
Boy, today sure has been weird. />
Ha, ha! Just kidding! She isn't sorry at all!
So one time, Madonna sat down with a bouquet of hydrangeas---to apologize to them, to stroke them affectionately, maybe to make them breakfast later.
"You have no idea how many nights I have lost," Madonna mouths to the bouquet (it's, uh, a silent movie), "thinking how I hurt you." She coddles the hydrangeas a while longer, whispering sweet nothings into their delicate purple petals.
Suddenly, a twist! The music turns violent! So, you think Ma...
I don't know what's happening to me! I think I just got… interested? In the Two and a Half Men reboot? Weird.
Anyway. Here's the cast, lip-synching to the theme song "Manly Men":
There is something magnetically awkward about the new cast dynamic. Do you feel it?
I like the little vocal switcheroo, what with giving Angus T. Jones the voice that once belonged to Charlie Sheen. Cognitive dissonance! That's always funny! I think Angus's deep voice might be a veiled joke about puberty, also.
And...
I didn't cover Jersey Shore last week---at all! Not once, I don't think!---and it made me so sad. Didn't you miss the little scamps?
When I last recapped, Mike had apparently flatlined.
Then, a week ago, we discovered that Ronnie didn't murder Mike after all. Instead, Mike gave himself a concussion, ha, ha, when he rammed his own head into a stone wall. For the rest of last week's episode, Mike moped around in sunglasses and a neck brace, milking his minor injuries for more than they w...
Cliff Robertson passed away yesterday, just a day after his 88th birthday. Younger filmgoers will know Robertson best as Uncle Ben Parker in all three Spider-Man movies.
Robertson won an Academy Award in 1968 for his heartbreaking starring turn in Charly. He was especially memorable in 1963's PT 109 for his portrayal of President Kennedy---in fact, Robertson was Kennedy's own first choice for the role. Robertson wasn't above TV, however: he appeared in episodes of Batman and The Twilight Zone,...
She has the perfect look, very European, more angular. She has the right lean look for modeling. …She's a 33-24-34, which is a size 1 or 2.
---Modeling agent Alexis Borges, to Life & Style
Ah, of course. The "right, lean look." (In the meantime, Next's website gives Aliana's measurements as 30-23-33. Hmm! She's "leaner" than her own agent realizes!)
Image gallery via Pop2it and Next Model Management
[gallery columns="6"]...
Us Weekly wants you to know that little Suri Cruise stepped out onto the streets of Greenwich (NYC) wearing a pink bowler hat and bright red lipstick. Ugh, the camera loves this child.
It makes me nervous when kiddies don't wear age-appropriate things, maybe, but Suri looks darling. Plus, she dresses like a little old lady. No harm in that! (Maybe Suri is the next Tavi Gevinson! But only if she wants to be.) And the kid gets away with so much "dress-up"---just like the little girl who convinces mom to let her wear her sequined tutu to...
This video makes me really angry.
Listen, drunk girls of New York City: I know you're super excited. You're so excited about everything. But the next time you are at legendary Rock and Roll Karaoke Night at Arlene's Grocery, and Emmalovin' Jim Carrey, freaking Jim Carrey, gets up to do a rousing rendition of Radiohead's "Creep," please, please refrain from screaming the lyrics---which, congratulations, you almost know!---over the top of the guy with the microphone.
I understand the instinct to scream all the lyrics. I do. But when I went to see Weird Al live in concert three months ago, I sat between two friends who knew all the lyrics and therefore sang all the lyrics. I knew all the lyrics, too! And it was hard for me to not sing along! But instead of hearing Weird Al, all I could hear was D on one side and M on the other side, and it was exactly like sitting in their living room and listening to them sing along with YouTube, as they do. Also, I briefly dated a guy whose excited "Hey! I know all the melodies!" scream-humming (yes, scream-humming, because there weren't any lyrics) features prominently into every video I ever taped of the band the Advantage. THANKS A LOT, GUY-I-BRIEFLY-DATED.
OK, I watched the video a second time, and sure, maybe Girl-Singing-Along isn't that loud. But in watching this shaky iPhone footage on YouTube, I am reliving the horror of A) being too short to see anything, and B) having to stand next to someone who also knows all the words.
Otherwise, this video rules. What do you think? Is Jim Carrey's rendition of "Creep" better than Conan's? />
This video makes me really angry.
Listen, drunk girls of New York City: I know you're super excited. You're so excited about everything. But the next time you are at legendary Rock and Roll Karaoke Night at Arlene's Grocery, and Emmalovin' Jim Carrey, freaking Jim Carrey, gets up to do a rousing rendition of Radiohead's "Creep," please, please refrain from screaming the lyrics---which, congratulations, you almost know!---over the top of the guy with the microphone.
I understand the instinct t...
…Maybe. Probably.
According to Media Takeout, Amber Rose married her longtime beau, Wiz Khalifa, in Vegas on Thursday. An eyewitness got a covert snapshot of the couple's first dance as newlyweds.
In June, the gossip circuit began speculating that Amber Rose might be pregnant. Could it be? Was this, in fact, a shotgun wedding?
Either way, shine on, you crazy diamonds! Happy tidings!...
What a snappy little ensemble! Vanessa Hudgens attended the 2011 Concept Korea presentation at New York Fashion Week yesterday. Hudgens dressed to the nine(tee)s without overdoing anything.
First of all, this dress. It's totally channeling Express in 1996, which is to say, I love it. Is crushed velvet really making a comeback? I love it all, from the asymmetric neckline to the ruching on the side. (Ordinarily, I would not love this dress because there's no waist on it, which threatens to make any short girl look ...
Ever discover that two of your acquaintances are dating? Have you had this happen? And you're like, "Oh, wow. That's so random. I didn't realize they even knew each other."
And for a moment you catch yourself wrinkling your nose at this new information, because he's a busboy and she's in HR, and he has tattoos and she wears suits. But then your brain's motor starts whirring, and you think, "Well, they do both listen to a lot of NPR. And I've heard them each talk, separately, about how much...
Last week, just for funsies, I caught myself up on every episode of "7 Minutes in Heaven"---it didn't take too long, actually, since the weekly video series is pretty new. (Recommended: guests Elijah Wood, Kristen Wiig, and Jason Sudeikis.)
Maybe it's easy to compare the "7 Minutes" web series to "Between Two Ferns"; instead of being caught between two ferns, each guest is trapped in close quarters with the host, SNL writer Mike O'Brien.
The similarities basically end there, though. In most...
What, you were planning to ignore the return of Two and a Half Men? NICE TRY, AMERICA. You don't want to watch Two and a Half Men? Then turn off your TV, throw out your radio, and move to a log cabin in the freaking woods! Because there is NO ESCAPE from Ashton Kutcher.
Here he is on Late Show with David Letterman, accompanied by costars Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones, AKA the highest-paid 17-year old ever.
And now, Letterman's "Top 10 Reasons to Watch the New Season of Two and a Half Men":
...