It's time for me to come clean: today is my last day here at Evil Beet. I know! Me, too! I didn't really mean to just spring it on you like this, but here we are.
I began at Evil Beet in June. Nine months and and a measly 570 posts later---and I am not kidding, 570 articles really is piddling, especially compared to the work your editors Sarah and Emily accomplish daily---I am suddenly a little wistful about leaving.
I began reading Evil Beet six years ago (OR MORE), and I became so at...
The Monkees' Davy Jones---he was the cute tiny elfin one, especially compared to that smirking ogre Micky Dolenz---has died. Jones was only 66.
According to TMZ's earliest reports, Jones died of a heart attack this morning. Multiple sources are saying Jones had complained of chest pains the night before.
The Monkees were a four-piece band assembled for The Monkees, the 1960s TV show. Jones and Dolenz split responsibilities as lead singer and frontman. Jones sang lead vocals on "Daydream ...
Did you know that polycystic ovary syndrome is thought to affect as many as 10% of all women of reproductive age? It's true! It is the most common endocrine disorder and the #1 reason many women have fertility issues.
If you have ever visited a doctor, his or her first line of defense---and he will prescribe this without actually testing you for cystic ovaries, just because it's such a handy, efficient drug---is birth control pills. But what if you don't have health insurance? Your pills might cost $75 every month! Maybe some months you buy birth control pills instead of toilet paper! Hilarious!
Oh, look, a video.
Among those playing the roles of the Middle-Aged Dudes who know all about women's health are: Twin Peaks' Ray Wise! The dad from That 70s Show and Dead Poets Society! Parks and Recreations' Nick Offerman! (I'm not sure that Mr. Megan Mullally is quite "middle-aged," but then again, I am old.) Plus, Tim Meadows, who is rocking some really radical 1960s NASA eyeglasses. Those glasses say "expert."
And then there is Judd Nelson, who my friend Robyn briefly convinced me was dead. I was so upset, you guys. She was like, "Yeah! Years ago, I think!" and I was like, "Oh, my God, oh, my God, when was Suddenly Susan canceled anyway, oh, my God." And then I was like, "Wait, are you thinking of David Strickland?" And now Robyn was very, "Um, I think I know who Judd Nelson is," all indignant, and then I was mad with grief. I love you, Judd!
The video also features Corey Stoll, a stage actor about whom I am ten kinds of crazy. I almost didn't recognize him without his Law & Order: Los Angeles mustache! YOU CAN PUT YOUR LAWS AND ORDERS ON MY BODY ANYTIME, COREY! Just kidding, you can't, because I'm a feminist. (You are still nice to look at, however.)
This video is possibly NSFW thanks to a catalogue of euphemisms for ladyparts. However, the most disturbing of these "euphemisms"---uttered by none other than Ray Wise---is probably "tummy pockets." />
Did you know that polycystic ovary syndrome is thought to affect as many as 10% of all women of reproductive age? It's true! It is the most common endocrine disorder and the #1 reason many women have fertility issues.
If you have ever visited a doctor, his or her first line of defense---and he will prescribe this without actually testing you for cystic ovaries, just because it's such a handy, efficient drug---is birth control pills. But what if you don't have health insurance? Your pills migh...
Ever see that video of Seth Rogen doing stand-up comedy as a 13-year old? OK, great. Because, oddly, it's exactly the same as Seth Rogen now. Like he isn't that funny! Sorry! Winning, yes. Charming, yes. Funny? Sigh.
That isn't to say the man can't land some zingers.
Here he is hosting the Independent Spirit Awards! I like the Spirit Awards a lot. You can hear people eating, and it's very much more like prom. Seth Rogen curses a lot! He's really uncomfortable!
Here's a joke I liked: "I was committed to watching all your movies---that's one of the things you have to do when you host---and I made it through the first five minutes of every single one of them. And, uh, some of 'em start pretty slow! I will tell you that right now! Pretty f---king slow!"
But Rogen will be better remembered for his takedown of Chris Brown (it's at 5:25). The joke:
"I honestly bet, though, that Brett Ratner really wishes that he was organizing the Grammys, because they seem much more forgiving than the Oscars altogether. Seriously. You say a few hateful things, they don't let you within a hundred yards of the Oscars. You could literally beat the shit out of a nominee, they ask you to perform twice at the Grammys."
And as soon as he lands his punchline, check out Patricia Clarkson! She is freaking out! That woman hates Chris Brown! (Kirsten Dunst is more like "oh, my God," but Kirsten Dunst is always like that in the face of controversy, grabbing her pearls and promising whoever is sitting nearby that she completely disapproves.)
Finally, John C. Reilly's hat! Hi there, John's hat! />
Ever see that video of Seth Rogen doing stand-up comedy as a 13-year old? OK, great. Because, oddly, it's exactly the same as Seth Rogen now. Like he isn't that funny! Sorry! Winning, yes. Charming, yes. Funny? Sigh.
That isn't to say the man can't land some zingers.
Here he is hosting the Independent Spirit Awards! I like the Spirit Awards a lot. You can hear people eating, and it's very much more like prom. Seth Rogen curses a lot! He's really uncomfortable!
Here's a joke I liked: "...
What is Movie: the Movie? It's only the greatest movie, you guys!
"The problem is, you usually only get one or two genres per film," Jimmy Kimmel helpfully explains.
"So four months ago, I set out to make the biggest, most star-studded film in the history of American cinema---something that packed everything moviegoers love into one spectacular motion picture event.
"And tonight my dream has been realized!" he concludes. "Here it is, our gift to you, the world premiere trailer for the greatest film ever made: Movie: the Movie."
In order of appearance: Ryan Phillippe. Jessica Alba. Taylor Lautner. Antonio Banderas. Edward Norton. Josh Brolin. Colin Farrell. An angelic-faced child I only vaguely might recognize, but possibly do not? Guillermo Rodriguez. Charlize Theron. Tom Hanks. Bryan Cranston. Jeff Goldblum. Gary Oldman. Cameron Diaz. Samuel L. Jackson. JJ Abrams. Martin Scorsese. Emily Blunt and John Krasinski. Jessica Biel. Jason Bateman. Kevin James. Tyler Perry. John Goodman. Kate Beckinsale. Danny DeVito. Don Cheadle. Meryl Streep… in a mustache. Helen Mirren. Christoph Waltz. Matt Damon. George Clooney. Gabby Sidibe. And Aerosmith's Steven Tyler, screaming in the apocalypse.
And it's… unexpectedly offensive, actually! Fortunately, you get a huge heaping of celebrities---more stars than you got during the Oscars, for sure---and you'll spend only 1/18th of your time watching it!
Plus, the special effects are pretty good. />
What is Movie: the Movie? It's only the greatest movie, you guys!
"The problem is, you usually only get one or two genres per film," Jimmy Kimmel helpfully explains.
"So four months ago, I set out to make the biggest, most star-studded film in the history of American cinema---something that packed everything moviegoers love into one spectacular motion picture event.
"And tonight my dream has been realized!" he concludes. "Here it is, our gift to you, the world premiere trailer for the greate...
I don't know whether you know this, but the Academy Awards were last night. A bunch of people won Oscar statuettes. Um. I'd sure love to tell you all about the ceremony, but I can't right now. I'm too distracted.
I'm too distracted by Angelina Jolie's leg.
Somehow I missed Angelina on the pre-ceremony red carpet---I was watching a movie, OK?---but fortunately for me, Angie was sure to strike an identical pose just as soon as she arrived onstage to present awards for both "Best Original...
Well, that's it. Forget the Oscars---which are tonight!---just forget 'em, because we can all go home. Adam Sandler is already slated to clean up at this year's Razzies. And as we all know, the Razzie is the only trophy that matters.
Sandler swept with a record-shattering 11 nominations. Deadline has the full press announcement:
Sandler has more than doubled Eddie Murphy's old record for the most nominations accrued by an individual in a single year. As an actor, writer and/or producer on...
Whoa! Sweet kicks, Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston!
Cranston wore these radical Chuck Taylors to the Independent Spirit Awards, and everyone seems even more impressed by them than even Bryan Cranston does. Like, even Bill Macy seems jealous.
You, too, can dress just like Bryan Cranston! His Breaking Bad custom-printed hi-top Chucks, designed by Jon Defreest, are a steal at US$85 (although Cranston was given his for free). (In the meantime, I wear a size 4 or 4.5, thank you.)
You can ...
Thrift, thrift, film producers! The funeral baked meats did coldly furnish forth the ideas for your next bio-pic! (Or so the Daily Mail alleges.)
Furthermore, Rihanna is already the frontrunner in the race to play the not-long-dead Whitney Houston. The Daily Mail:
Whitney's record label boss and close friend Clive Davis is at the helm of the project and he reportedly wants to get a script finalized as soon as possible so filming can begin.
Rihanna, 24, is in the running for the lead r...
Who gets thanked by Academy Award-winners on Oscars Night? Spouses? Parents? Agents? God? It's God, isn't it. Slate examined ten years of Oscar acceptance speeches for answers.
Slate also built an amusing, interactive infographic, and you can click around on it to see who thanked whom. Here is the amazing stuff I learned:
- Only one Oscar winner has begun her acceptance speech by naming her agent first, and that was Tilda Swinton.
- Denzel Washington thanked God first. (Slate comments: "Though it won’t surprise anyone who thin...
HOLY MARY MOTHER OF PEARL. What in tarnation does Jessica Simpson have in there?
I know, I know. Maybe it's just the dress. (Oh, my word, that dress.)
No, I shouldn't pick on Jess. The fact is, she is a very, very good-lookin' pregnant person. Objectively, I am nowhere as cute even on my best days. Jess looks fine. Great, even. But she's so… so big! And orange! She's at that stage in her pregnancy where there is no longer a "baby on board": Jessica Simpson is essentially a baby with ad...
When you publicize your marriage as much as our marriage was publicized, when you renew wedding vows, when you do all those things … you're giving people a picture of an ideal relationship that people aspire to.
...When it goes south, you can't all of a sudden take the philosophy of a monk and decide to go for a vow of silence. It doesn't really work like that. I respect my wife's decision not to talk about that, but I felt that people at least deserved some kind of explanation why the pict...
It's time for me to come clean: today is my last day here at Evil Beet. I know! Me, too! I didn't really mean to just spring it on you like this, but here we are.
I began at Evil Beet in June. Nine months and and a measly 570 posts later---and I am not kidding, 570 articles really is piddling, especially compared to the work your editors Sarah and Emily accomplish daily---I am suddenly a little wistful about leaving.
I began reading Evil Beet six years ago (OR MORE), and I became so at...
The Monkees' Davy Jones---he was the cute tiny elfin one, especially compared to that smirking ogre Micky Dolenz---has died. Jones was only 66.
According to TMZ's earliest reports, Jones died of a heart attack this morning. Multiple sources are saying Jones had complained of chest pains the night before.
The Monkees were a four-piece band assembled for The Monkees, the 1960s TV show. Jones and Dolenz split responsibilities as lead singer and frontman. Jones sang lead vocals on "Daydream ...
I don't know whether you know this, but the Academy Awards were last night. A bunch of people won Oscar statuettes. Um. I'd sure love to tell you all about the ceremony, but I can't right now. I'm too distracted.
I'm too distracted by Angelina Jolie's leg.
Somehow I missed Angelina on the pre-ceremony red carpet---I was watching a movie, OK?---but fortunately for me, Angie was sure to strike an identical pose just as soon as she arrived onstage to present awards for both "Best Original...
Well, that's it. Forget the Oscars---which are tonight!---just forget 'em, because we can all go home. Adam Sandler is already slated to clean up at this year's Razzies. And as we all know, the Razzie is the only trophy that matters.
Sandler swept with a record-shattering 11 nominations. Deadline has the full press announcement:
Sandler has more than doubled Eddie Murphy's old record for the most nominations accrued by an individual in a single year. As an actor, writer and/or producer on...
Whoa! Sweet kicks, Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston!
Cranston wore these radical Chuck Taylors to the Independent Spirit Awards, and everyone seems even more impressed by them than even Bryan Cranston does. Like, even Bill Macy seems jealous.
You, too, can dress just like Bryan Cranston! His Breaking Bad custom-printed hi-top Chucks, designed by Jon Defreest, are a steal at US$85 (although Cranston was given his for free). (In the meantime, I wear a size 4 or 4.5, thank you.)
You can ...
Thrift, thrift, film producers! The funeral baked meats did coldly furnish forth the ideas for your next bio-pic! (Or so the Daily Mail alleges.)
Furthermore, Rihanna is already the frontrunner in the race to play the not-long-dead Whitney Houston. The Daily Mail:
Whitney's record label boss and close friend Clive Davis is at the helm of the project and he reportedly wants to get a script finalized as soon as possible so filming can begin.
Rihanna, 24, is in the running for the lead r...
Who gets thanked by Academy Award-winners on Oscars Night? Spouses? Parents? Agents? God? It's God, isn't it. Slate examined ten years of Oscar acceptance speeches for answers.
Slate also built an amusing, interactive infographic, and you can click around on it to see who thanked whom. Here is the amazing stuff I learned:
- Only one Oscar winner has begun her acceptance speech by naming her agent first, and that was Tilda Swinton.
- Denzel Washington thanked God first. (Slate comments: "Though it won’t surprise anyone who thin...
HOLY MARY MOTHER OF PEARL. What in tarnation does Jessica Simpson have in there?
I know, I know. Maybe it's just the dress. (Oh, my word, that dress.)
No, I shouldn't pick on Jess. The fact is, she is a very, very good-lookin' pregnant person. Objectively, I am nowhere as cute even on my best days. Jess looks fine. Great, even. But she's so… so big! And orange! She's at that stage in her pregnancy where there is no longer a "baby on board": Jessica Simpson is essentially a baby with ad...
When you publicize your marriage as much as our marriage was publicized, when you renew wedding vows, when you do all those things … you're giving people a picture of an ideal relationship that people aspire to.
...When it goes south, you can't all of a sudden take the philosophy of a monk and decide to go for a vow of silence. It doesn't really work like that. I respect my wife's decision not to talk about that, but I felt that people at least deserved some kind of explanation why the pict...