Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Borat Gets His Ass Whooped, House to the Rescue!

Sacha Baron Cohen, who stars in the Borat movie, may want to consider breaking character every now and then. Cohen approached a man on the streets of NYC and said to him, in character, “I like your clothings. Are nice! Please may I buying? I want have sex with it.”The man was not amused, and promptly punched Cohen in the face. Who came to his rescue? Pal and fellow Brit Hugh Laurie, who plays the title character on Fox's House. Laurie was on his way to a bar with Cohen. Hm. Borat and Hous...

Reason #456 Why Teenagers Should Play Sports.

When I was a teenager I remember having a really crappy cellphone. I didn't know what my number was so people couldn't call me on the phone. My parents would page me on my little baby blue pager then I would use my little green screen cell. Maybe I had about 20 min which probably set my parents back 50 bucks.Now, every time I see a teenager they are text messaging. I text a lot, I'm guilty as charged but it took me about 6 months to get more than a couple words out of my phone. These kids text co...

One Unfunny Human

This article from our friends at CNN poses a question: Is Dane Cook the Funniest Man in America? The answer is amazing in that it can be answered more quickly than a rattlesnake's strike - Hell No. Thankfully the article itself, 80 words into it, quickly retreats from the giant silly headline and attempts a new query: Is he funny (at all)?And then the coup de gras, the URL includes the following text: danecook.notfunny.My only theory is that one of the bigshots at CNN heard from his 12 year-ol...

Dueling Cover Stories

Ryan and Reese's divorce is hot off the press. According to the New York Times, which analyzed the different takes on the story that inTouch and Life and Style took this week, these two magazines are attempting to corner the market when it comes to the most talked about divorce since Brad and Jen (sorry K-Fed). The interesting thing is that these magazines are owned by the same publishing company, Bauer Publishing. Though, in this article, they attempt to say "we never know what [the other magaz...

Ellen Pompeo Old, Engaged

According to Us Weekly, Ellen Pompeo, thirty-fucking-seven, recently got engaged to her boyfriend of three years, music producer Chris Ivery, 106. The couple met in a grocery store. I'm actually pretty sure they've been together way more than three years, but have been on-and-off for a lot of that time. I can't imagine why. Maybe it's the fact that he's a gross-looking McFelon who she met while she was a waitress. Either way, I suppose we wish them luck. Or at least regular meals. ...

Why Nicole Richie Can’t Gain Weight

Remember last month when Nicole Richie was going in for "diagnostic treatment" to determine why she couldn't put on any weight? Well, Page Six ran the following blind item today:WHICH young Hollywood starlet had secret gastric bypass surgery, but then lost too much weight? During a recent four-day stint at a health clinic, she was actually having an operation to remove the bypass.Hm. I told you I thought the girl was starting to put on weight. This pic is of Nicole at the Disney Vault event, looking more healthy and happy than we've seen her in a very long time. We...

HOORAY! They’re Making Tokyo Suckerpunch into a Movie!!!

I was just doing some background research on Tobey Maguire, and stumbled on a little gem on his IMDB page. He's attached to the film version of Tokyo Suckerpunch, set to be released in 2008. Maguire will be playing the main character, Billy Chaka. If you've never read the Isaac Adamson novel about a young writer who finds himself smack in the middle of a murder mystery in modern-day Japan, I recommend you do so immediately. It is a fabulous, intriguing, hilarious novel -- it's one of my all-time fa...

K-Fed Shopping a Britney Sex Tape?

Hell hath no fury like Kevin Federline scorned. Britain's News of the World reports that Britney's soon-to-be ex-hubby is shopping a four-hour sex tape the two recorded at the beginning of their relationship, and that he's already been offered nearly $33.5M for the footage by an Arizona company. He's hoping for a pay-off from Britney in exchange for keeping the tape to himself. They also drop the bomb we've all been waiting for -- that Brit filed divorce papers after catching Federline with another...

I Link, Therefore I Am

Tobey Maguire and girlfriend, Irrelevant McNotfamous, welcome a baby girl. [Hollyscoop]
Tobey Maguire and girlfriend, Irrelevant McNotfamous, welcome a baby girl. [Hollyscoop]Joley Richardson quits Nip/Tuck. She's hoping to be cast in a show with more plausible plotlines, possibly something involving giant, mutant, hermaphoditic aphids who eat Koreans and occasionally find themselves in awkward love triangles including the wife of their college roommate. [HGW]Beyonce and Eva Longoria will be getting all lesbo on the big screen. Where will you be, Paul Reuebens? [Bossip]Someone asked me t...

I’m Not Saying She’s a Gold Digger…

"I love all men equally, no matter their financial situation. At the end of the day, however, if you want to enter a serious relationship, I think it's very important that your special someone has his finances under control. Otherwise, how can you even contemplate a future with him?" -Ivanka Trump to Stuff MagazineI'm seriously not judging Miss Trump here. More rich ladies need to be wary of those men out there looking for a sugar mama. Go girl, let Miss Spears be a cautionary tale.Thanks to a gre...