Oh happy, happy day!
My money was on April 5 or earlier, but whatever, I'll settle for April 18.
I'll send you over to my friend MK at Popbytes, the only Toriphile to whom even I will defer, for the details and the video for the first single, "Big Wheels."
I mean, it's not like I have a copy that I've been rocking out to all night -- that would be stealing -- but suffice it to say that it's been a very wonderful evening in La Casa Beet. ...
Angelina Jolie willingly lost her virginity at fourteen, then promptly got a knife and cut the guy she'd slept with. I believe -- correct me if I'm wrong -- that there's a certain species of grasshopper which does the same thing. [The Blemish] Jessica Simpson is dressing as my seventh-grade English teacher to go to Winston's. That's okay, because Mrs. Crabtree was awesome. She once told a boy in the class to "stop masticating." We still make fun of him for that. [Celebslam] Christina Ricci takes on the role of Trixie in Speed Racer. "She already looks like an anime creation, so the casting here is appropriate." Ha. [Pajiba] Meet the next Cindy Crawford. [Grumpiest] Oprah hosts a panel discussion about the Don Imus controversy -- remember the good old days when that was the big news story? [Concrete Loop] Lindsay Lohan feels her friends aren't safe without her. Because, you know, then who's paying for the blow? [Celebrity Smack] If Paula Abdul isn't famous enough to pre-board a Southwest Airlines flight, who is? Oh, right. Sanjaya. [Warship] The tabs continue to punish Angelina for those People exclusives. [popbytes] Yes, of course we want to see pictures of Fantasia Barrino's ass. [POTP] Harrison Ford's finally going to make an honest woman of Calista Flockhart. Now, I know what you're thinking: who are Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart? [Haute Gossip] Matthew McConaughey's new girlfriend is 22 years old. Recruiting them fresh out of college, are we, Matty? [Gabsmash] Jennifer Garner celebrates her 35th birthday by dressing respectfully, and not getting drunk or stoned or flashing anybody. [ICYDK] African school children protect Madonna from journalists. [DListed] Keeley Hazell gets naked for FHM, you. [Anything Hollywood] Brad Pitt thinks Angelina Jolie is "supergirl." [Holy Candy] Heather Mills eats it onstage. [Celebrity Puke] Posh & Becks hit Paris. The city, I mean. They go there. Because if they had physically hit Paris Hilton, well, we'd all be having a much better day, now wouldn't we? [Daily Stab] Beyonce might ditch BMG for her boyfriend's label. [Juicy-News] Check out the trailer for Neil Gaiman's Stardust. [popbytes] Oh, good, a Jessica Simpson nip slip. I am going to take the high road and be the only blogger on the planet who doesn't make some joke insinuating that her father will sexually pleasure himself while looking at these pictures. Because I feel like that kind of goes without saying. [SOW]
The cute-patootie (sp?) on our background is Allyson, the 2-year-old daughter of Beet reader Leslie. Everyone say hello to Allyson. If you'd like to submit a photo or image for use on our background, check out the rules here. />...
Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you've all been waiting for: it's country night here on American Idol. Ryan's dressed for the occasion by wearing -- what else? -- purple. The mentor for this week is Kellie Pickler. Oh, no, that's only in my fantasies. (Or an SNL sketch? Lorne Michaels, call me.) It's actually Martina McBride, who is one of those rare country artists I really like. We cut to Martina McBride in a studio, leading our remaining seven idols in what I would guess is the worst rendition of "Independence Day" you'll come across outside of your local sorority's body-shot/sing-along night.
Phil Stacey's up first. Singing "Where the Blacktop Ends" by Keith Urban. We cut to this weird shot of Phil and Martina in the studio, and I think they're talking as the director motions for them to hit their mark by the piano, so they both seem really distracted, and Martina's asking Phil about Kansas as she walks backwards, so it seems like he's cornering her. I have no idea why they used that shot. Phil is -- thank God -- not wearing his Oliver! cap tonight, and looks respectably country-cool in black pants and a black shirt with only a hint of shiny stripes. He does seem comfortable on stage tonight, and he's walking through the audience giving people high-fives and hugs, pausing to make love to the camera every now and then, and it's kind of working as an act. Vocally he's nothing special tonight, but he's holding it down. Someone didn't think the camera work through quite right, so we have a solid ten seconds of the back of his bald little head before they figure it out. Phil has a really small head, like a character from Goonies or something. I just noticed that. Ha! Randy's all like, "From an accomplished producer," as he gestures to himself, "you're going to have a career in country music." Randy is nothing if not modest. Paula is in that weird place where I'm not sure if she's high or stupid, but she liked it, I think. Simon liked it quite a bit. Ryan, making fun of Phil, goes "Woooo!" and makes a face that I think is supposed to be hard-core, but you know what he looks like? That's painting, The Scream? Of that ghost-like dude? If you still have this episode TiVo'd, go to minute 8, wait 'til Ryan goes "Woooo!" and pause it. Then look at that painting. I think Ryan was the model. And then Ryan, again making fun of Phil, goes "Love you love you!" and suddenly I realize that he was the inspiration for Crank Yankers' Special Ed. Ryan, darling, Phil is not the one walking away from this encounter feeling silly.
Read More />Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you've all been waiting for: it's country night here on American Idol. Ryan's dressed for the occasion by wearing -- what else? -- purple. The mentor for this week is Kellie Pickler. Oh, no, that's only in my fantasies. (Or an SNL sketch? Lorne Michaels, call me.) It's actually Martina McBride, who is one of those rare country artists I really like. We cut to Martina McBride in a studio, leading our remaining seven idols in what I would guess is the worst rendition...
This just showed up in my inbox. Make of it what you will.
Cocaine Press
April 14th, 2007
To: All
Fr: Cocaine Energy Drink
Su: Save Cocaine Energy Drink; or not
We need your help!
If you want to save Cocaine Energy Drink, please send an email to savecocaine@ced2U.com telling us that you know our drink is not a drug and that you know that it is not intended to get you high (which it is not). It is an energy drink like all of the other energy drinks.
If you want to keep Cocaine Energy Drink on the market we need your support.
Please take note that the phrase "The Legal Alternative" is used to convey the message that our energy drink is an alternative way to be "cool" without having to do illegal drugs or get high. We do not advocate drug use; that would not be responsible.
If you do not want to keep Cocaine Energy Drink on the market send us an email too. We have always been fair; having posted both bad press and good press (among other things) on our website. All emails will be read and considered.
Thank you for your attention.
Regards,
Jamey Kirby
Senior Partner/Founder
Redux beverages, LLC
www.drinkcocaine.com
/>This just showed up in my inbox. Make of it what you will.
Cocaine Press
April 14th, 2007
To: All
Fr: Cocaine Energy Drink
Su: Save Cocaine Energy Drink; or not
We need your help!
If you want to save Cocaine Energy Drink, please send an email to savecocaine@ced2U.com telling us that you know our drink is not a drug and that you know that it is not intended to get you high (which it is not). It is an energy drink like all of the other energy drinks.
If you want to keep Cocaine Ene...
Clearly, she kept eating the master tapes.
At the ASCAP Pop Awards in Hollywood on Wednesday night.
...
Well, I suppose it's better than arson. On April 11, Page Six reported that Harry Morton, Lindsay Lohan's ex, arrived home to find his multi-million-dollar pad drenched in water coming from the apartment above his. That apartment belongs to Lindsay Lohan. Page Six reported that Lindsay had faulty plumbing, and Lohan's rep reported that "this happened while Lindsay was in New York."
But that was before TMZ was on the case. They actually managed to obtain the incident report from the condo comple...
Paris Hilton will have to make time somewhere in her busy schedule of drinking, driving and dating a D-list celebrity to actually appear in a court room. Throughout all her legal woes the past few months -- her DUI and then, later, driving on a suspended license -- Paris has managed not to make a single appearance in court. Her lawyers handle it all for her. But an L.A. judge just ordered that a Media Field Day be held on May 4: he's requiring that Hilton herself show up in his court room. P...
"See, when I do this thing with my hands, it means I'm hardcore. Get it? I'm a total rebel. Fighting the man, man. You can tell by my hands. You should buy my album, particularly if you're a suburban youth who feels most comfortable railing against the prevailing, suffocating social norms by purchasing alt-pop music on iTunes and positioning your hands just so."
At her CD release party Tuesday in NYC. ...
AOL has released copies of some of the Virginia Tech shooter's "disturbing" ventures into the world of creative writing, the plays Mr. Brownstone and Richard McBeef. These are disturbing more in a this-guy-got-into-Virginia-Tech? way than in a this-dude-is-gonna-kill-32-innocent-people-and-then-himself sort of way. They're puerile, really, more than they're frightening. And this kid was an English major. I'd be frustrated, too. ...
Sanjaya who?
Carrie Underwood reminded us what a real American Idol talent is all about, as she kicked ass and took names at the CMT Awards. Underwood won all three of the awards for which she was nominated: "Before He Cheats" took Video of the Year, Female Video of the Year and Video Director of the Year (actually, this one went to that video's director, but still).
Carrie kinda acknowledge Idol in her acceptance speech. "It was at the CMT Awards last year that I gave my very first accept...
