OMG you guys I am sooooo excited. I was talking to my boss last night, and somehow the topic of Cathouse came up (no, I have no idea how that happened. I'm still trying to figure it out). Anyway, he was like, "You know, a new season's starting soon," and I was like "Do not fuck with me about Cathouse," and he was like, "No, I'm not kidding, it starts again on Saturday." So I just now crossed my fingers, said a little prayer, and went to the website. And, sure enough, new episodes start on Ma...
Brittany Murphy and Neve Campbell both tied the knot this weekend. No, not to each other, although that would be way hot. [Gabby Babble] Tom Sizemore hits up the meth again. [Warship] The Lindsay Lohan side boob. [Derek Hail] Angelina's discovering that Brad may be more devoted to his smoking habit than he is to their family. [Cele|bitchy] Victoria Beckham begins walking the long road back to recovery from her eating disorder, and the British tabs are there to make a headline out of every single pound gained. Awesome. [popbytes] There's a little bit of sibling rivalry between Ashlee and Jessica Simpson. Ooh, I hope they have a MySpace battle! [A Socialite's Life] TrentWatch continues over on The Gilded Moose. [TGM] We forget that Sinead O'Connor was the original Britney. [IBBB] Star Jones gives a lap dance to hubby Al Reynolds in public. [Yeeeah!] Jessica Simpson's breasts continue their comeback tour. [Holy Candy] Paris Hilton was photographed smoking a joint at Coachella. [Daily Stab] Was Britney raped shortly before her break-down? [A Socialite's Life] Hayden Panettiere filmed a movie in Africa, and now thinks she might "go over there and bring food." That's so sweet, Hayden. While you're at it, could you pick up some CPK and swing it by my place? LABite takes forever. Plus there are way fewer guerilla armies west of the 405. [Derek Hail] Is Amy Winehouse going to be the new Bond girl? They could name the character Alotta Blow. [Bree] Tobey Maguire still loves his little girl. Enjoy this, Tobey, because in about ten years she'll be a rude, thoughtless little pig who films you while you drunkenly consume cheeseburgers. [Cele|bitchy] Who knew Sofia Loren still had a rack like this? [DListed] Hef's third-favorite girlfriend, Kendra Wilkinson, hits up Miami in a bikini. Yay summer! [Hollywood Tuna] Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are still together and probably still fighting over who used whose hair products. [Hollywood Rag] The latest Paris Hilton upskirt pics. [Drunken Stepfather] Brad Pitt needs a stunt butt. [Agent Bedhead] Simulated rape on-stage does not go over well with advertisers, Akon. [The Blemish] Shakira's new video. [popbytes]
Jesus, how many more of these are left? Three hours sleep last night -- the insomnia is back -- but I'm feeling pretty good and rearin' to go.
Ryan starts out by saying that there are "three girls, and only one guy." The camera pans across their faces -- Jordin grins, Melinda fake-grins, LaKisha fake-grins, and Blake looks like you just told him you'd actually love it if he'd put it in your ass, and please don't use a condom, because it won't feel as good and it's not like you can get pregnant that way.
This is American Idol!
Oh man. Everyone's singing twice tonight. All the music comes from Barry Gibb, who I guess started as a member of the BeeGees, which makes sense because his initials are B.G. Huh. I feel like I learned something today. So basically, kids, prepare yourself for an evening of the songs your parents listen to. Or, for some of you, your grandparents, because your parents are, like, my age. Because I'm old. But let's not dwell on that.
Ryan's all like, "We are so going to run over time tonight. And that's awesome because it's my responsibility to keep us running on time, and I'm the one who takes shit in notes because Randy has to name-drop and Paula has to slur and then Simon has to berate everybody and every week, somehow, this is my fault. And yet, strangely, I still don't have a producer credit on this show. Can someone explain that? Seriously. Jesus."
Read More />Jesus, how many more of these are left? Three hours sleep last night -- the insomnia is back -- but I'm feeling pretty good and rearin' to go.
Ryan starts out by saying that there are "three girls, and only one guy." The camera pans across their faces -- Jordin grins, Melinda fake-grins, LaKisha fake-grins, and Blake looks like you just told him you'd actually love it if he'd put it in your ass, and please don't use a condom, because it won't feel as good and it's not like you can get pregnant...
I just want to take some time to dissect this piece of genius bit by bit.
To:
The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.
Yes, that's exactly what Paris Hilton is: the universe's carrier pigeon of hope. Are you sure you don't mean herpes?
Hilton is notable for her leading roles on the FOX reality series The Simple Life and in the remake of the Vincent Price horror classic "House of Wax". In addition to her work as an actress, she has achieved some recognition as a model, celebrity spokesperson, singer, and writer.
As a writer? Are you referring to the images of her diaries that hit the Internet? Because I know you're not talking about that piece of tripe she threw her name on without ever having even read it, probably.
As most of America now knows, Ms. Hilton was just charged in a Los Angeles court with DUI and sentenced to 45 days in Century Regional Detention Facility in California beginning on or before June 5, 2007.
Hey, genius, she was not just charged with a DUI. She was charged with a probation violation after driving on a suspended license after the DUI.
We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn't go to jail, either.
I think "We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges" is my favorite part of this whole thing. I'm with you, dude. I think it's pretty bad when someone gets trashed and gets behind the wheel, endangering the lives of myself and my loved ones on the road. But I'm even less supportive of consequently charging them with a crime.
As depicted on Friday night's episode "Nancy Grace" on Headline News (May 4, 2007), countless celebrities have been "slapped on the wrist" for similar incidents recently. Nick Nolte, Mel Gibson, Tracy Morgan, Wynonna Judd, to name a few, were arrested and never did a day in jail after their initial arrests for drunk driving /DUI /DWI charges. Rappers Busta Rhymes and Eve still walk free after both being arrested for the same charges as Ms. Hilton just this past week. Brandy's California Highway accident, although no proof of DUI was evidenced in her accident, resulting in the death of a young wife and mother in California, yet Brandy walks free as of today, never doing any time and A WOMAN HAS BEEN KILLED most likely due to her reckless driving!
Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time.
PARIS IS NOT GOING TO JAIL FOR A DUI. PARIS IS GOING TO JAIL FOR PROBATION VIOLATION. I don't think even Paris fully understands this. That is so sad.
This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistake. Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn't hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday.She is distraught and understandably afraid.
WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT to save our Paris from ending up at the Century Regional Detention Facility! Please sign to tell The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of the State of California, to think about the welfare of this young woman who has made a mortal error and deserves a second chance like so many others in our great nation have been served with after a mistake they have made . If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton.
Oh. My. God. Read that again. Paris Hilton's probation violation was just compared, in earnest, to Watergate.
Anyway, Paris supports this petition whole-heartedly, encouraging friends on her MySpace page to "please help and sihn [sic] it."
So sihn it, guys. Paris Hilton is pillar of hope for our generation. If someone that fucking stupid can be that fucking rich, anything is possible in this world.
/>I just want to take some time to dissect this piece of genius bit by bit.
To:
The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.
Yes, that's exactly what Paris Hilton is:...
Just give the kids an early start. Then again, if all alcoholics were sober members of AA, there wouldn't really be much of a gossip industry. HBO head Chris Albrecht, who was arrested in Vegas after the Mayweather/de la Hoya fight for trying out some of their moves on his girlfriend, is being all like, "Oh, woops, I'm an alcoholic" about it. Albrecht has decided to take a leave of absence from HBO, stating:
This weekend was a wake-up call to me of a weakness I thought I had overcome long ...
Lord knows plenty of girls across America wanted a shot at Chris Richardson, but it's possible he's not exactly the best boyfriend in the world. Star Magazine reports that the recently ousted Idol may be cheating on his girlfriend back in Virginia with Lauren Conrad, and that he started dating the Virginia girlfriend while she was still married! According to the mag:
Rumor has it that booted AI contestant Chris Richardson may soon be dating The Hills hottie Lauren Conrad behind the back ...
Is a little toilet-scrubbing really all it took to get Naomi Campbell to give sobriety another shot? In a recent interview with W magazine, Naomi talked about the community service she was forced to do after being charged with felony assault for throwing her cell phone at her maid. She shared the diaries she'd written during that period.
“I find solace in sweeping,†wrote the supermodel, who famously left the last day of her community service wearing a stunning silver evening gown. “I have no other responsibility. I have no phone. I have the time t...
I have no idea what this event was, but it may as well have been the Oscars for how many stars showed up. WireImage calls it "Poiret: King of Fashion" Costume Institute Gala at The Metropolitan Museum of Art. Everyone was there, including Jessica Simpson and the breasts she seems to have just recently discovered. Celebs pictured here include Jennifers Garner, Connolly, Lopez and Hudson, Ellen Pompeo, Donald and Melania Trump, Christina Ricci, Chloe Sevigny, Cameron Diaz, Gisele Bundchen, Anna ...
Everyone's favorite totally recreational drug user hits up the streets of NYC on Monday night wearing a very revealing dress.
...
Hilton's lawyers are filing to appeal the sentencing Paris received on Friday, essentially claiming the the trial judge did not have a right to give Paris the 45 days of jail time.
View the appeal here.
I don't think this means she will necessary be granted an appeal, just that she's trying to get one ...
Meanwhile, Gawker's selling "Don't Free Paris" shirts. This would be an acceptable "I love you, Beet" gift if anyone wants to get me something just because. ...
God, it must have sucked to wake up as Ty Pennington today. Like, it's one thing if you're Paris Hilton and you score a DUI -- everyone has their fun with it, but you're famous for being a party girl anyway, so what the hell, at least it keeps you in the papers. But when you're Ty Fucking Pennington, America's Golden Boy and host of what is arguably the most family-friendly, red-state-courting, Jesus-loving show in evening network television, this fucking sucks. It's like Barney got caught s...