Unfortunately for Scott Weiland, he forgot to be a 5'0," 80-pound blond mother-to-be while driving under the influence. For his second DUI in recent years, Scott was handed down a sentence of eight days in jail. Nicole Richie, you'll recall, served 82 minutes for a similar offense. So we'll wait and see how much time Scott actually spends in the slammer, but I'm betting it's gonna be more than 82 minutes. Life just ain't fair, kids. ...

If you think all call girls are just going to lie down and take it, think again. Ashley Dupre, the hooker behind the Eliot Spitzer scandal, is now suing Joe Francis to the tune of $10M for the illegal use of her name and image. In the lawsuit, filed on Monday in federal court in Miami, Ashley Alexandra Dupre contends that she was 17 and not old enough to sign a legally binding contract when she appeared partially nude in video footage filmed in 2003 by members of Francis' Mantra Films p...

So I sat down to write a post about Cheri Oteri's father, who was tragically murdered in his Nashville home this weekend, but I really hate covering shit like that. Like, it's so incredibly sad, it's not her fault, and, while it's an intriguing story, I feel dirty trying to use it to get page views. So if you care, the full story is here. Instead, I'm going to focus on something more appropriate: the sluttification of one Miley Cyrus. The photographer behind the shots, Annie Liebowitz, has decided to weigh in herself. Says Annie: “I'm sorry that my portr...

So Perez Hilton is totally regretting making an Internet phenom out of Chris Crocker (aka Heidi Montag Part Deux), and refuses to cover him further, and I'm sure has managed to be a total asshole to him on more than one occasion. Here's what Chris has to say about it. It's funny; all the gay male bloggers pretty much refuse to cover Chris, but they'll cover other non-entities like Phoebe Price. Jealous much, boys? The boy has better legs than I do! And I'm willing to admit it! WE LO...

Britney Spears will reprise her guest role on How I Met Your Mother. Production on the new episode begins today. The show's producer, Craig Thomas, released this statement: “We’re all so thrilled to have Britney joining us once again. And just to head it off at the pass this time around: Yes, Mom, Britney’s very nice and no, I can’t get her autograph for you.” Seriously, dude? You should be able to get her autograph for your mom. Here's a tip: have her sign it on a loaded crack pipe. That makes the whole process go more smoothly....

Here's a better shot of Miley Cyrus inside Vanity Fair. I love the quote here: "I know they have good hearts and they're struggling," she says about Lindsay and Britney. Oh, Miley. Don't be so condescending. This is going to be you in a couple of years. We've also got a video of the shoot, which I think is supposed to demonstrate that her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, was on the set with her, but really it's just a lot of Miley posing with her father for photos that make me uncomfortable. Li...

As if you didn't get enough of it from Britney, here's a strung-out Amy Winehouse going through a drive-thru in London, begging the paps to let her buy them a cheeseburger. At first I was like, "Oh my God, she's driving!" And then I remembered that cars are backwards in England, and she's actually the passenger. I'm so unworldly. The little girl in the back seat is supposedly her god-daughter, who is adorable and should be kept away from Amy at all costs at this point. /> As if you didn't get enough of it from Britney, here's a strung-out Amy Winehouse going through a drive-thru in London, begging the paps to let her buy them a cheeseburger. At first I was like, "Oh my God, she's driving!" And then I remembered that cars are backwards in England, and she's actually the passenger. I'm so unworldly. The little girl in the back seat is supposedly her god-daughter, who is adorable and should be kept away from Amy at all costs at this point. ...

Here's Evan Rachel Wood on the cover of h magazine. Normally I hate everything this girl does, just on principle, but I have to admit this is a pretty hot cover. It would be hotter if she ditched the spiked bracelet, the Manson sweat band and that weird-ass tattoo -- so basically everything the stylists did is awesome, everything she did sucks, and the world is as it should be -- but overall she looks better here than I've seen her in anything else. ...

The former (current?) model was arrested early Thursday morning and held on $15,000 bail. She was released later in the day. Angie is 38 years old! TOO OLD to be pulling this kind of shit. What's next, Angie? A crotch shot? We'll be waiting. CALL A CAB, PEOPLE!...

Okay, so I finally got my Facebook page updated and set up for visitors. Web 2.0, here I come! :) And, I joined the I ::heart:: Evil Beet group! You should, too! If you haven't yet become my MySpace friend, do it now. Sorry, but I get to shamelessly plug myself once in awhile. I work hard enough at this shit. I've earned it. />Okay, so I finally got my Facebook page updated and set up for visitors. Web 2.0, here I come! :) And, I joined the I ::heart:: Evil Beet group! You should, too! If you haven't yet become my MySpace friend, do it now. Sorry, but I get to shamelessly plug myself once in awhile. I work hard enough at this shit. I've earned it. ...

Heh heh heh heeeeeeeeee! I'm four months sober! I'm going to Coachella, baby!!! Because that is where the real recovery is. Jesus. David "I Have No Fucking Business Being at Coachella" Hasselhoff hit up Coachella this weekend, where he managed to find two girls about his daughter's age to run around with. He's also sporting a little bruise under his eye and a gigantic bruise on his arm. Yeah, dude. I can't for the life of me figure out why you have trouble staying clean. [gallery]...

Lindsay Lohan plays coy as she leaves Koi in Vegas with Samantha Ronson. Get it? Coy? And Koi? Goddamn, they don't pay me enough around here. I'm so witty. Lindsay, the leggings are going to give you away every time. ...