Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Either Sarah Jessica Parker Is Promoting Her New Perfume Or They’re Doing a Sequel to Hocus Pocus

Does her nose always look that awful? How could I have missed a thing like that? I think that's her new perfume, Covet, she's holding, but I can't be sure, as my eyes can only move so far away from her nose before being dragged back by its sheer gravitational pull. Maybe I should get my computer monitor checked? I mean, is that what her nose has always looked like? Eww!...

90210v2.0: Meet the Cast!

Ugh. Look: When you have to run promos of your show that literally describe it as "cooler, sexier, and more provocative," you've already lost. "Every character has a secret" and "nothing is what it seems"? These are things you should seamlessly hint at, folks, that should be shown in a teaser, rather than explicitly stated. You people can't even put together a watchable teaser! I gave up after the first minute! This show is gonna suuuuuuuuuck. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't make it through a single season. /> Ugh. Look: When you have to run promos of your show that literally describe it as "cooler, sexier, and more provocative," you've already lost. "Every character has a secret" and "nothing is what it seems"? These are things you should seamlessly hint at, folks, that should be shown in a teaser, rather than explicitly stated. You people can't even put together a watchable teaser! I gave up after the first minute! This show is gonna suuuuuuuuuck. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it does...

Deeeerunk!

A little shot just surfaced of Shia LaBeouf, taken the night of his infamous Walgreens arrest. I like the phone number written on his wrist. Classy! Meanwhile, Danielle Fishel (aka Topanga), fresh off her December DUI arrest, showed up at some radio show in Boston, hungover as fuck, to chat about drinking liquor neat ("cranberry juice is what you have for breakfast") and Lance Bass and some ex-boyfriend who used to kick her ass. Something tells me this girl spends a lot more time drinking th...

Quotables

“I was offered lots of [reality] shows when I was making my career comeback against The Rock, but I kept saying no. But years later, it was my daughter’s career and son’s racing career that we were thinking about. We saw the Ashlee Simpson show and Jessica Simpson’s and Lindsay Lohan on the big screen and we just didn’t haven’t a vehicle to compete. But I considered it, because this time it was about the Hogan family rather than Hulk Hogan; they all want...

Everyone at Gossip Girl is Dating Everyone Else

We already knew that Blake Lively and Penn Badgley were an item, but now comes news that Leighton Meester has a new boyfriend of her own: co-star Sebastian Stan. Both couples were spotted canoodling at the Armani Exchange dinner for Nylon magazine's Young Hollywood issue. Leighton and Sebastian "couldn't keep their hands off of each other ... they didn't care," said a source. "Blake and Penn were much more private." Hasn't anyone ever told these kids that you shouldn't fish off the company pie...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Kate Hudson’s Dating Lance Armstrong

I really don't know why I haven't been writing about the whole thing where Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson broke up and then she started dating Lance Armstrong. I mean, I was aware it was happening, it just wasn't particularly interesting to me for some reason. But it's happening, and I should pass it along to you guys. Kate spent the weekend in Austin with Lance, where they went to shows and ate dinners and did other generally couple-like things. Whatever. You know what? I think ...

I Am Going to Quit Smoking and You Guys Are Going to Be My Support Group

I have to quit smoking. It's seriously way past okay for me to be smoking. I started when I was sixteen, and I promised myself I would quit by 21. I was not going to smoke for more than five years. And now we're going on year ten, and I wake up in the morning hacking my lungs out, and I get winded when I walk up a flight of stairs, and it's really just unacceptable. Plus, the secondhand smoke is not good for Leo to be around. And I bet Greg Plitt wouldn't date a girl who smokes. So I have to quit smoking. I've tried everything, you guys. I've tried patches and gums and Chantix and meditation and prayer. I even once went to a Nicotine Anonymous meeting, but that was just a little too much for me. I was like, "Um, okay, the first step is to admit I'm powerless over nicotine and my life has become unmanageable. So, I get the powerless part, but I don't really think it's making my life unmanageable. I just want to quit." And the other people in the group, who were old, tried to be very helpful. They were like "Don't you hate it when you have to end a phone conversation quickly so you can get outside to have a cigarette?" And I was like, "Um, I haven't talked on a phone with a cord since I was 8, and I smoke in my house." And so they were like "Don't you hate having to be late for meetings at work because you were taking a smoke break?" and I was like "Uh, I work from my living room. Where I smoke." And then they were like "Well don't you feel bad when your husband complains about your smoking?" And I was like "Uh ..." Long story short: I left the meeting and lit up a cigarette. So now I'm 24 hours into my not-smoking (although I'm using the patches), and I figure I'm just going to be accountable to you guys here. You're going to be my support group. I'm going to be responsible for telling you at the end of each day that I didn't have a cigarette that day, and you guys are going to be like "Congrats!" or "We don't care!" or "MILEY CYRUS is hottttttt i want to put my penis in her boooooobs!!!1" or whatever it is you guys say in the comments. But there are a lot of you, and I'm going to make myself accountable to you. And if you feel like quitting smoking along with me, feel free to leave your own updates in the comments. Your ass can be accountable to me. :) It's been 24 hours so far. I haven't had a cigarette today. Hopefully I can say the same thing tomorrow night! />I have to quit smoking. It's seriously way past okay for me to be smoking. I started when I was sixteen, and I promised myself I would quit by 21. I was not going to smoke for more than five years. And now we're going on year ten, and I wake up in the morning hacking my lungs out, and I get winded when I walk up a flight of stairs, and it's really just unacceptable. Plus, the secondhand smoke is not good for Leo to be around. And I bet Greg Plitt wouldn't date a girl who smokes. So I have to quit smoking. I've tried everything, you guys. I've tried patches and g...