Here's Paris and a bunch of 11-year-old girls at a private press event to promote Paris Hilton's new hair extension product with Sally Beauty Supply. The product is called The Bandit, and it appears to be a headband with the hair extension attached. I'm not sure why it's called The Bandit, but, judging by this photo, it may be because it also steals all your abdominal fat.
If that's true, I'll take three.
However, as far as the whole extending of the hair thing goes, I would really like ...
The Simpsons intro sequence. With real people. Happy Saturday.
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I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still totally Team Miley in general, but something about Demi is just so damn adorable. Here's the music video for her debut single, "Get Back," which I am totally embarrassed to admit I listened to as soon as it came out, and I will also be getting her album. On Rhapsody, though, so it'll be free. I won't be paying, like, real money for it. I'm not that strange. />
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still totally Team Miley in general, but something about Demi is just so damn adorable. Here's the music video for her debut single, "Get Back," which I am totally embarrassed to admit I listened to as soon as it came out, and I will also be getting her album. On Rhapsody, though, so it'll be free. I won't be paying, like, real money for it. I'm not that strange. ...
Oh. My. God.
So I'm having dinner with a friend tonight. He reads my blog and so knows about all my celebrity crushes. And he's like, "Okay, let's rank them. Who do we have? Michael Phelps, of course. And Patrick Stewart. And Adrian Grenier. Oh, and Adam Duritz. And who else is in your top five? Christian Bale? Rank them from one to five." And so we go through the process, and Adam Duritz came out on top, and my friend's like "Really? Even with the fat?" And I thought about it, and I was like, "Ya know, maybe not with the fat. Because I tend to have clitoral orgasms, so I need to be able to rub up against the pelvic bone during sex, and with a really fat guy I couldn't do that, so maybe me and Adam wouldn't work after all." So then I thought maybe Adrian would be on top, or Michael Phelps -- if we wrapped the American flag around his face -- and Patrick Stewart always comes in fifth because, although he is hot, he is undoubtedly old.
Here's the point.
None of this matters anymore.
Because Chelsea Handler gets me wetter than any of those dudes combined.
Chelsea, baby, I love you in a way I didn't know I could love. Your genius inspires me in a way I didn't know I could be inspired. I want to be a part of you and scoop out some of you and keep it for myself. Is that gross? Chelsea, love, I don't care. You are my everything, Chelsea Handler, you are my world, you are my future, and your genius is as boundless as my admiration for you. />
Oh. My. God.
So I'm having dinner with a friend tonight. He reads my blog and so knows about all my celebrity crushes. And he's like, "Okay, let's rank them. Who do we have? Michael Phelps, of course. And Patrick Stewart. And Adrian Grenier. Oh, and Adam Duritz. And who else is in your top five? Christian Bale? Rank them from one to five." And so we go through the process, and Adam Duritz came out on top, and my friend's like "Really? Even with the fat?" And I thought about it, and I was li...
Madonna -- age fifty -- kicks off her Sticky & Sweet Tour in the UK.
Dayum.
I know it's been said a million times before, but this woman is ripped. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a body like that? I've been working my ass off in the gym for months and I'm just finally starting to see some definition -- and I'm 26! (Granted, my eating habits have been imperfect at best.) Can you imagine trying to create a body like that at fifty???
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And, ya know, Anna Faris, who's really the brains behind this whole operation.
The House Bunny -- which also stars AmIdol also-ran Katharine McPhee -- was the #1 film in the country on Friday, its opening weekend, bringing in $5.9M and knocking Tropic Thunder out of the top spot. It beat the Stiller comedy by a healthy margin, indicating that it'll hold onto the #1 position through the rest of the weekend.
Further congratulations are due to Rumer for finally figuring out how to pose for photos without looking like a goddamn sea creature. She probably had a team ...
COUGAR POWER!
Fifty-year-old Sharon Stone has been rumored for a little while now to be dating Chase Dreyfous, a 24-year-old who worked with her charity, Planet Hope.
Is this the mystery guy she left Beso with last night?...
Here's Ashlee Simpson in Canada promoting something -- I think it's a line of clothing but I don't know and I don't care enough to research it and mostly my eyes are just glued to the fact that she has a side knot in her shirt. Which, after careful deliberation, I've decided is kind of cool and just might be a trend I could handle coming back. The side knots were kind of cool.
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Chris Kattan is starting to make Mr. Peepers look like a genius.
Chris dated model Sunshine Tutt for three years, was engaged to her for eighteen months of that time, and now, after eight weeks of marriage, has officially filed for a separation.
This happened to an acquaintance of mine a couple years ago. She dated a guy for almost a decade, they got married, went on a honeymoon, then promptly got separated and divorced. Like in the space of three months.
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
W...
Obama will be running with Delaware Senator Joe Biden, in order to add the whole "old white dude" touch to his campaign.
In light of Obama's choice, John McCain has chosen P. Diddy as his running mate.
I'm totally kidding.
But how awesome would that shit be? ...
Ed "Not Gay for Chace Crawford" Westwick has broken the cardinal rule of fame -- never, ever, ever share your poetry with the media. (You hear me, Jewel?)
Ed shared a poem he wrote (from memory!) with reporters at the launch of Coke's new aluminum cans. He says he wrote it “at like six in the morning.†Um, something tells me the kind of coke going into Ed's system doesn't come in an aluminum can. Because, like, who the hell in their right mind just recites their own poetry to reporters on a red carpet? It's not that there's anything wrong with writing poetry...
CUTENESS ABOUNDS!!!!
OMG!!!!!!
MY HEART RUSHES WITH JOY!!!!
RACHEL MCADAMS AND RYAN GOSLING ARE MAKING OUT AGAIN!!!!!!!
OHHHHHHHHHHH HAPPY HAPPY DAY!!!!!
Big sigh. ...