Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Yes Of Course Lauren Conrad Loves Jersey Shore

You know, in all this hype about Jersey Shore, I've completely forgotten about The Hills. So has the rest of the country, it turns out, as the Kristin Cavallari-helmed former reality juggernaut continues to slide in the ratings. Jersey Shore beat The Hills in the ratings last week, and no one could be happier about that than Lauren Conrad, who jumped off the sinking ship last season, leaving her nemeses there to drown. I'm telling you -- that's a bright girl there, that Lauren Conrad. Lau...

Courtenay Semel Says Goodbye to Ex-Girlfriend Casey Johnson and Also She Hates Tila Tequila

OH THE DRAMA. Sometimes you just love somebody so much that you literally have to go on E! to bid a tearful videotaped farewell to her and then publicly blame her death on Tila Tequila. Which is exactly what Courtenay Semel did this week. Casey was literally her other half (how would that actually work, in a literal sense?) and she will never -- probably -- be with anyone else ever again. For the rest of her life. Ever. She will love Casey literally forever and ever. Literally. In the literal sense. Forever and ever. Not even figuratively you guys. How can vapidity shine so brightly through grief? Courtenay also mentions that she's sorry she ever brought Tila Tequila into their world, "because she destroyed it." You'll recall, of course, that after a stormy and violent and drug-riddled relationship with Casey Johnson, which, I believe, involved one of them setting the other's hair on fire, Courtenay started dating Tila Tequila. And then they broke up and Tila started dating Casey. And now Courtenay is on E! talking about Casey's drug-related death and Tila's blame in that, because obviously everyone was totally sober back when they were setting each other's hair on fire and beating each other up, and Casey, at age 30, could never be expected to be responsible for her own physical well-being and/or sobriety. So, ya know, this whole thing is totally insane, and it makes me super happy that I am neither rich nor famous. /> OH THE DRAMA. Sometimes you just love somebody so much that you literally have to go on E! to bid a tearful videotaped farewell to her and then publicly blame her death on Tila Tequila. Which is exactly what Courtenay Semel did this week. Casey was literally her other half (how would that actually work, in a literal sense?) and she will never -- probably -- be with anyone else ever again. For the rest of her life. Ever. She will love Casey literally forever and ever. Literally. In the litera...

Everyone’s Donating Their Golden Globe Gowns to Help Haiti

Hey, have you seen our one billion photos of Golden Globe gowns? No? They're here. I think we made it about 3 minutes into the broadcast before someone mentioned Haiti, and it was a pretty steady stream after that, and now everyone's auctioning off their gowns to raise money for the earthquake victims. Everyone from Meryl Streep to Drew Barrymore to Jason Reitman touched on the tragedy during their acceptance speeches. Streep and many of her fellow Hollywooders, in fact, are using the event as a way to raise m...

Paris Hilton Still Exists

You guys, Paris Hilton's Twitter is like the funniest thing in the world right now. It is 95% product placement and 5% fawning over Doug Reinhardt. I don't know which I find more disturbing. But all that girl does on her Twitter is plug nightclubs and restaurants and websites, and she doesn't even have the Lohan-style decency to occasionally go on drunken rants. One of her favorite websites to plug right now is her own, the re-launched ParisHilton.com, which features a strikingly underutilized ...

Hi You Guys I Have Some Golden Globes Red Carpet Photos for You

So I didn't watch the entire Golden Globes award ceremony -- in fact, I only got through about 40 minutes of it before I had to go to more important things like stare at the wall. I thought Ricky Gervais was pretty funny, which clearly sets me apart from everyone else in that room. I have never seen a group of award attendees look less happy to be there. Like it's some gross imposition to have to leave their homes on a rainy Sunday and figuratively jack each other off for three hours while w...

In Other News …

This Ke$ha/Cyndi Lauper mash-up is ROCKING MY WORLD. [popbytes] A totally hot photoshoot ... with a dog? [Gone Hollywood] Farting in Times Square ... so viral right now. [cityrag] NBC's post-Leno primetime schedule: What else survived? [Pajiba] Johnny Depp poses with his Serbian statue. [Celebslam] Katie Perry is not pregnant, because she just tweeted that she's on her period. Heh. I do that too. It's nice to just let everyone know at once. [Celebitchy] Some boring-ass pics of that new Kardashian baby, if you care about that sort of thing. [Pop on the Pop] Hee hee Nick Jonas had a nip slip. SCANDAL!!! [Allie is Wired] />This Ke$ha/Cyndi Lauper mash-up is ROCKING MY WORLD. [popbytes] A totally hot photoshoot ... with a dog? [Gone Hollywood] Farting in Times Square ... so viral right now. [cityrag] NBC's post-Leno primetime schedule: What else survived? [Pajiba] Johnny Depp poses with his Serbian statue. [Celebslam] Katie Perry is not pregnant, because she just tweeted that she's on her period. Heh. I do that too. It's nice to just let everyone know at once. [Celebitchy] Some boring-ass pics of that n...

Jessica Biel Climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, May Also Be Single

Okay, stupid Jessica Biel. After all these years, you have finally done something to impress me. Now, don't get me wrong, I still don't like you one bit, but I will give you credit here. Climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro is a pretty decent accomplishment. Jess and some friends, including Emile Hirsch and Elizabeth Gore, summitted the highest peak in Africa (at nearly 20,000 feet) in an effort to raise awareness about the need for clean drinking water in third-world countries. I mean, most celebs atten...

Sarah Palin Makes Her Debut on Fox News. You’ll Have to Tell Me If It’s Any Good.

Because I can't watch it. First off, I apologize for my recent absence around these parts. My laptop is very sick. It's at the Apple store right now undergoing emergency surgery, and hopefully it will come out alive and well. My friend lent me her laptop in the interim, but trying to be creative on a foreign computer is kind of like Mark McGwire playing baseball without steroids; it's just not as impressive and things take much longer. But I thought I'd share with you the video footage Sarah Palin's Fox News debut. Maybe I could have watched the whole thing if she hadn't been sitting next to Bill O'Reilly, who, in the first few minutes, tries to convince me that Sarah Palin is not a threat because she is both a mother and an American. Because, you know, once we chicks pop out kids in this country, we lose all potency to effect change in other arenas. There was nothing misogynistic about that remark, Bill. You're a peach. Furthermore, there is nothing at all threatening about Sarah Palin, unless you care about silly girl things like reproductive rights and foreign policy and evolution and the sheer terror that runs through your body when you realize how much of the country is reading this woman's book without throwing something at the wall. The truth is, I'm not especially angry about Sarah doing Fox News. I would way rather have her there, preaching to her choir, than in public office, capable of impacting those of us who don't watch Fox News. /> Because I can't watch it. First off, I apologize for my recent absence around these parts. My laptop is very sick. It's at the Apple store right now undergoing emergency surgery, and hopefully it will come out alive and well. My friend lent me her laptop in the interim, but trying to be creative on a foreign computer is kind of like Mark McGwire playing baseball without steroids; it's just not as impressive and things take much longer. But I thought I'd share with you the video footage Sar...

There’s Some Dirty Shit Going Down at NBC

So, like, this is pretty fucked up. TMZ is reporting -- and no one's denying -- that, after the Olympics, NBC will return their coveted 11:30pm time slot to Jay Leno, essentially giving Conan O'Brien the boot. Sources say that Conan's been given a choice: he can leave the network or he can take the midnight-1am time slot. Those sources also say that NBC will not stop Conan from jumping to another network, although legally they have that option. Conan is rumored to be pissed, as he foun...

In Other News …

David Hasselhoff is leaving America's Got Talent. Did someone say Paula Abdul? [Celebitchy] James McAvoy and Seth Rogen take on ... a cancer comedy? [Pajiba] Everyone thinks Lohan's gonna be the next celeb to kick the bucket. Sad face. [Celebslam] Jennifer Lopez rocks the cover of Elle. [popbytes] Rachel Zoe: still totes ana. When is this going to be actually addressed on her TV show? [Pop on the Pop] Rihanna shows off her curves in a bathing suit in Mexico. [cityrag] />David Hasselhoff is leaving America's Got Talent. Did someone say Paula Abdul? [Celebitchy] James McAvoy and Seth Rogen take on ... a cancer comedy? [Pajiba] Everyone thinks Lohan's gonna be the next celeb to kick the bucket. Sad face. [Celebslam] Jennifer Lopez rocks the cover of Elle. [popbytes] Rachel Zoe: still totes ana. When is this going to be actually addressed on her TV show? [Pop on the Pop] Rihanna shows off her curves in a bathing suit in Mexico. [cityrag]...

Hailey Glassman Is Now Team Kate

This little wench is turning out to be quite the media pro! When Entertainment Tonight asked Hailey Glassman -- who recently lost her position as the nightly remover of Jon Gosselin's Ed Hardy shirt -- what she thought of Kate Gosselin's new hairdo, she had this to say: “I like it! It’s a little shocking due to how short it was before. I think a new look is a new start and happier times. She’s like fine wine. Better over time. Did I mention how great her body looks? I wonder who he...