Amidst the madness of Lindsay Lohan Goes to Jail Day, a poor, poor rapper-turned-TV star got arrested, and no one cared. But as the dust settles around the bullshit, other celebrity news is slowly becoming relevant and/or hilarious, and Ice-T's saga is one of those stories.
Yeah, Ice-T got arrested yesterday for driving without a seatbelt. He was taken into custody, but he was released shortly afterwards, and he did what Lindsay cannot do: he tweeted about it:
Some punk bitch rookie cop named Fisher #10026 Made the arrest of his bullshit career today. Arresting the Notorious Ice T for no seatbelt..
Out in 20 min. Come on son!
He said "I know who you are and I don't give a fuck!" That was right after I called him a punk bitch..
Ok, I admittedly don't know a ton about hip hop, but I'm pretty sure there's only one Notorious rapper, Ice-T, so you can go ahead and stop that noise right this second. Also, how hilarious is it that the guy that did "Cop Killer" plays a cop ontelevision, and that he got arrested for such a lame reason? It's like funny, twice removed. />Amidst the madness of Lindsay Lohan Goes to Jail Day, a poor, poor rapper-turned-TV star got arrested, and no one cared. But as the dust settles around the bullshit, other celebrity news is slowly becoming relevant and/or hilarious, and Ice-T's saga is one of those stories.
Yeah, Ice-T got arrested yesterday for driving without a seatbelt. He was taken into custody, but he was released shortly afterwards, and he did what Lindsay cannot do: he tweeted about it:
Some punk bitch rookie cop nam...
Though she hasn't received long overdue jail time like Lindsay Lohan, Jennifer is allowed to be bummed as well, and that's because she's been dealing with a stalker for the past few days.
Aniston has just obtained a restraining order against Jason Peyton, a 24-year-old from Pennsylvania who drove to California (in his car, which is covered in carved declarations of love for Jennifer) to find her. Police found him last Thursday wandering around a place he believed Aniston would visit, and he was carrying a "sharp object, a bag, a roll of duct tape and written messages about [Aniston]."
TMZ has obtained some of the documents on this guy:
"Peyton is an obsessed, mentally ill and delusional stalker -- with a history of violence and criminal stalking -- who drove cross-country in his delusional 'mission' to locate and marry [Aniston], with whom he believes he is in a relationship."
The restraining order says that Peyton isn't allowed within 100 yards of Aniston, her home, anywhere she works, or any of her employees. Not that that matters right at this very moment, because he's currently on an involuntary psychiatric hold.
It's a real good thing that Jennifer's in London right now, getting ready to promote her new perfume, because this dude sounds absolutely terrifying. Maybe go ahead and stay overseas for a while, Jen. You can find a brand new man and avoid this psychotic one. />Though she hasn't received long overdue jail time like Lindsay Lohan, Jennifer is allowed to be bummed as well, and that's because she's been dealing with a stalker for the past few days.
Aniston has just obtained a restraining order against Jason Peyton, a 24-year-old from Pennsylvania who drove to California (in his car, which is covered in carved declarations of love for Jennifer) to find her. Police found him last Thursday wandering around a place he believed Aniston would visit, and he was c...
So now that Lindsay's actually in jail (even though, according to TMZ, she'll only serve 23 days out of the 90 she was sentenced), maybe you're wondering what her new home will be like. If so, you're in luck! Peoplegave a pretty solid breakdown of her new residence, and here are some of the highlights.
Cigarettes are "strictly forbidden," and I bet that's going to go over fantastically. Another forbidden item: the internet! Lindsay will not be able to use Twitter, and I'm sure that's going to hurt worse than the cigarettes. Doctors are allowed to treat her for nicotine withdrawal, but as far as I know, there aren't any meds for the painful, mind-shattering process of going cold turkey off Twitter. Hang in there, Lindsay!
When she arrived at the jail, all of her personal items were confiscated. And yeah, that sounds normal, she can't have her phone in her cell, that's cool. But do you know what else counts as a personal item? Hair extensions. I honestly cannot think of one thing that sounds more fun than getting your hair extensions taken out in jail.
And guess who's in the cell right next to Lindsay? Alexis Neiers, that crazy girl who broke into everybody's houses, including Lindsay's! If there is not a memoir or a sitcom or at least a Saturday Night Live skit commemorating this, then I'm probably going to have to write my Congressman.
P.S. If you missed the live feed of Lindsay's arrival at court, please do yourself a favor and check out this video so you can see my very favorite part: the throwing of the confetti. />So now that Lindsay's actually in jail (even though, according to TMZ, she'll only serve 23 days out of the 90 she was sentenced), maybe you're wondering what her new home will be like. If so, you're in luck! People gave a pretty solid breakdown of her new residence, and here are some of the highlights.
Cigarettes are "strictly forbidden," and I bet that's going to go over fantastically. Another forbidden item: the internet! Lindsay will not be able to use Twitter, and I'm sure that's ...
Just last week, Kelly and her fiance, Luke, broke up and talked about it on Facebook. She went out this past weekend to hang out in Las Vegas and cheer herself up, and when she got back home, she found out that her puppy was dead, so she talked about it on Twitter:
My life just could not get any worst right now I come home to find my dog woody is dead
The puppy, an adorable Pomeranian, was bought by Kelly back in June for Luke because he was jealous that their other dog, Sid, liked Kelly better than him.
Oh, Kelly. Somebody run out and buy her some ice cream or a classy prostitute right quick, help a sister out. I've never had a fiance or a puppy, but I'm sure losing either would be awful. I guess losing both within a week of each other might qualify for "devastated" status, so y'all get on making some care packages for her. />Just last week, Kelly and her fiance, Luke, broke up and talked about it on Facebook. She went out this past weekend to hang out in Las Vegas and cheer herself up, and when she got back home, she found out that her puppy was dead, so she talked about it on Twitter:
My life just could not get any worst right now I come home to find my dog woody is dead
The puppy, an adorable Pomeranian, was bought by Kelly back in June for Luke because he was jealous that their other dog, Sid, liked Kelly b...
War Child, an organization that strives to protect children in war zones, has announced their newest fundraising project: a David Bowie tribute album. I cannot say with enough fervor the words "sign me the fuck up."
The album, titled We Were So Turned On, is due to be released on October 11, and all profits go straight to War Child. I'm not enough of a hipster to have heard of most of the artists - Warpaint, Chairlift, I have no clue - on the album, but it looks like they're mostly sticking to Bowie's lesser known stuff ("Quicksand" and "Memory of a Free Festival" are on there!). I've actually only heard of one of the bands doing a cover, and that band is Duran Duran, who are doing "Boys Keep Swinging." Duran Duran, you guys. I don't even understand this project a little bit.
"Memory of a Free Festival" as performed by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros is available for free download, and if that's an example of what this album's going to be like, then no really, sign me up. I'd also like to, you know, help out some kids.
I'll see you guys on October 11th! />War Child, an organization that strives to protect children in war zones, has announced their newest fundraising project: a David Bowie tribute album. I cannot say with enough fervor the words "sign me the fuck up."
The album, titled We Were So Turned On, is due to be released on October 11, and all profits go straight to War Child. I'm not enough of a hipster to have heard of most of the artists - Warpaint, Chairlift, I have no clue - on the album, but it looks like they're mostly st...
The correct answer is me. I am going to buy an issue of Playboy.
Michael Cera, also known as the most adorable boy in the world, answered a few questions in the August issue of the magazine, and they've posted a few excerpts on their website. Here are a few of my favorites:
On hanging out with the cast of Jersey Shore: “Actually, it was one of the most pleasant days I’ve had in a long time. We got drunk and laughed and danced and got in a hot tub and ate pizza. It was sort of like my eighth birthday party.”On the worst pickup line he’s ever had the courage to say: “Hey, lady, those are some sexy-ass extensions. I guess you won’t mind if I extend to you a personal invitation to party with me one-on-one in a scary motel room.”His joking response to Judd Apatow and Jonah Hill joking that he’s “irritating” and “a fucking ass”: “The truth of the matter is I’m too classy to ever come out and speak any truth about those reprobates, and they’re both classless enough to knock on me and my problems. Between you and me—and I’ll thank you not to print this—those two used to come in to work and quite literally spit in the face of crew members. I once saw Jonah pinch the prop master. They’d pour salad dressing in the coffee and sometimes even grab people and kiss them hard on the mouth. To me this sort of behavior in a working environment is deplorable. Then I participate maybe once in a game of throwing shoes at the on-set medic, and all of a sudden I’m painted as the villain of the whole production. That’s the brilliance of Jonah and Judd.”On whether he considers poking the Pillsbury Doughboy as a child his big acting break: “Well, in a way it was. Kids around school started asking if I had been in a commercial. They all seemed baffled by it. I enjoyed the recognition until the older kids started poking me in the stomach. Hard. With their fists.”
Honestly, how could you not love him?And by the way, I probably won't be buying the issue. A couple of years ago, Seth Rogen was on the cover of Playgirl, and I saw it at a gas station when I was picking up some Boone's Farm. I'd never bought a porno mag, so I was like "how much is that Playgirl?" The cashier judged me for a while before he told me it was fifteen dollars. And fuck a whole bunch of that, I'll just watch Superbad and free porn online, this is the 21st century. />The correct answer is me. I am going to buy an issue of Playboy.
Michael Cera, also known as the most adorable boy in the world, answered a few questions in the August issue of the magazine, and they've posted a few excerpts on their website. Here are a few of my favorites:
On hanging out with the cast of Jersey Shore: “Actually, it was one of the most pleasant days I’ve had in a long time. We got drunk and laughed and danced and got in a hot tub and ate pizza. It was sort of like my eigh...
When Lindsay Lohan checked into a sober living house shortly after hiring her new lawyer, Robert Shapiro, it looked like ol' Rob was doing his best to get Lindsay out of jail time in favor of rehab. But it turns out that's not the case. Here's what he told E!:
"I have agreed to represent Ms. Lohan on the condition that she complies with all of the terms of her probation, including a requirement of jail time that was imposed by Judge Marsha Revel. Ms. Lohan is suffering from a disease that I am all too familiar with. Hopefully, I can be of assistance to Ms. Lohan and Judge Revel in implementing a treatment approach recommended by medical professionals for Ms. Lohan's long term recovery and sobriety."
So what happened to the Lohan family whining about unfair trials? Maybe they changed their minds and realized that Lindsay needs to face up to what she's done and just go to jail, and that's why she went and checked into that sober house. Or maybe Robert Shapiro tricked them while they were all drunk/high/naturally stupid. Only time will tell - there are only three days left till Lindsay heads towards the slammer. />When Lindsay Lohan checked into a sober living house shortly after hiring her new lawyer, Robert Shapiro, it looked like ol' Rob was doing his best to get Lindsay out of jail time in favor of rehab. But it turns out that's not the case. Here's what he told E!:
"I have agreed to represent Ms. Lohan on the condition that she complies with all of the terms of her probation, including a requirement of jail time that was imposed by Judge Marsha Revel. Ms. Lohan is suffering from a disease that I a...
Paris Hilton got caught with weed again. She said it wasn't hers again. And she got away with it again.
Just a couple of weeks ago, Paris was caught with marijuana as she was leaving South Africa, but she was let go when officials said they misidentified her and it was really her friend who had the drugs. And I'm sure that's exactly what happened.
This time, Paris was detained at a different airport because weed was found in her purse. She was released soon after though, and she's already Tweeted about it:
So sick of people making up rumors about me. The latest one about me is completely false too. Don't believe what you read. Silly nonsense.
Silly nonsense, indeed. I don't know why anyone would be so quick to assume that Paris Hilton does drugs. That is just a preposterous notion that needs to be stopped as soon as possible. />Paris Hilton got caught with weed again. She said it wasn't hers again. And she got away with it again.
Just a couple of weeks ago, Paris was caught with marijuana as she was leaving South Africa, but she was let go when officials said they misidentified her and it was really her friend who had the drugs. And I'm sure that's exactly what happened.
This time, Paris was detained at a different airport because weed was found in her purse. She was released soon after though, and she's already T...
With all the various court dealings and the photos and tapes being released these days, keeping up with Mel Gibson is a tough gig. Here's a handy little list of the shenanigans that good ol' Mel has gotten into lately:
- Radar posted a photo of Oksana after Mel knocked her teeth out. Her dentist, the one who took the picture, has said that he doesn't believe she was hit in the mouth like she said, but that her injuries were consistent with being punched in the temple - she broke her teeth from instinctively bearing them down. He says that he even saw bruising on her temple, but in the photo she covered it with her hair because she wanted to protect Mel. An expert who examined the photo said that the wound looked self-inflicted, but there's still that whole recording in which he tells Oksana that she "fucking deserved" being punched in the face, so I'm guessing that expert was from Mel's camp.
- Security at Mel Gibson's church has gotten real tight since this whole mess started. Guards have been hired to keep watch over the church on the weekends, and some additional guards have been hired to hang out with Mel 24/7. Because that makes sense - I think if anybody tried to hurt Mel, he could just pant angrily at them and threaten them with oral sex and they'd run away screaming.
- In the custody battle for Mel and Oksana's baby girl, the judge ruled that Mel wasn't dangerous, so their arrangement of full visitation rights and one overnight a week for Mel still stands. The thing that probably tipped the scales in Mel's favor was a declaration made by Mel's ex, Robin. She said that in the 28 years they were married, he never physically abused her or their children. I don't think she said whether or not he ever shouted at her at the top of his lungs about blow jobs.
I just cannot get over how crazy Mel Gibson is. I mean, yeah, there was that whole "sugartits" debacle, but this is just out of hand. And things should only get crazier - Radar still has more audio tapes to release.
/>With all the various court dealings and the photos and tapes being released these days, keeping up with Mel Gibson is a tough gig. Here's a handy little list of the shenanigans that good ol' Mel has gotten into lately:
- Radar posted a photo of Oksana after Mel knocked her teeth out. Her dentist, the one who took the picture, has said that he doesn't believe she was hit in the mouth like she said, but that her injuries were consistent with being punched in the temple - she broke her teeth...
