Today's Evil Beet Gossip

A Tiger Woods Nike Ad Parody That Won’t Waste Your Time (At Least Completely, Anyway)

Ever since that horribly creepy Tiger Woods Nike ad came out last week, the 'nets have been flooded with spoofs, knock-offs and parodies. Needless to say, nothing will every quite top the unintentional hilarity of the original version (maybe "hilarity" is the wrong word, as it mostly elicits nervous laughter, but you know...) but this FunnyOrDie vid actually made me chuckle. I won't give away the punchline, but trust me when I say that what "Tiger" says he's learned from this whole scandal is funny ...

Somebunny Has a Grumpy Mom

Sometimes people are too hard on Katie Holmes. The woman and her family are constantly photographed, so obviously she's not going to be Little Miss Smiley Face all the time. Then again, sometimes Katie deserves to be called a grump or a zombie or a brainwashed beard or whatever it is that applies in the moment. Look at these photos! Suri Cruise, for maybe the second time in her short life, is actually behaving like a child. Bunny ears and slippers in the middle of the day, tongue hanging out, livin...

You Can Take The Guidos Out of Jersey, But– Oh Wait. No You Can’t.

I've got bad news for all you Jersey Shore enthusiasts out there, and no, it's not that we still haven't found any more Snooki nudes. You guys, at the rate things are going, there might not be a second season of that sweet, fist-pumping goodness. MTV has been planning to shoot the second season of Jersey Shore in another location (because it turns out that the Jersey Shore is significantly less interesting than the orange-colored booze-guzzling mosters that take over its rental homes durin...

Oprah & Xtina: Together at Last

I feel like I've been waiting my entire life for this: Oprah is doing an entire hour with Christina Aguilera! The show is set to air live on May 7th and the audience will be full of Christina fans. Originally Oprah had a contest up on her site where you could submit a couple paragraphs explaining your love for all things Dirrty, but so many essays were received that they've stopped accepting them. Apparently I'm not the only one who's been looking forward to seeing X and O together at last. ...

Harlow Madden and Olive Cohen: BFF?

Nicole Richie and her daughter Harlow left a dance class yesterday in Studio City and hot on their heels were Isla Fisher and her daughter Olive. So Harlow Madden and Olive Cohen are in the same ballet class?! How cute is that? You have to wonder if the two stretch out on the barre and just shoot the shit about what it's like to be a famous baby. Harlow's like, "Last week my nanny had the balls to bring me milk. Regular milk! Milk from a cow! I was like, 'Excuse me Rosalita, but I believe you...

Ironically, Amy Winehouse’s Body Can’t Handle Foreign Objects

When you've spent the last several years of your life shooting, smoking and snorting anything you come into contact with, you probably would think that a measly set of breast implants is nothing compared to what you've already put your body through. Amy Winehouse, the ultimate cautionary tale of a human being, has proof that this is not the case. Thursday night Amy found herself in the hospital after experiencing severe pains in her breasts. For those of you who are blind, Amy bought herself...

Quotables

"Once you are an addict you will never not be an addict. You'll be an addict until the day you die. I think about it every single day. People who say they don't think about drugs any more are dirty liars who are probably still using." - Kelly Osbourne telling it like it is re: addiction in Stylist. I cannot wait for this girl's book to come out. Kelly's always been super dishy....

Quentin Tarantino Wants to Save Lindsay Lohan’s Career

Quentin Tarantino loves his little pet projects, doesn't he? He made John Travolta relevant again when he put him in Pulp Fiction and now he's reportedly trying to do the same thing with Lindsay Lohan. A source close to Quentin said that he has his eye on the unemployable actress for some time now and is convinced that he has the perfect role for her in an upcoming project. The source told Absolute Now, "Lindsay is just the kind of character Quentin loves. No-one expects her to do anythi...

Let’s Check in with the Last Corey Standing

Corey Feldman may be down one BFF, but that doesn't mean he's going to stay at home and cry about it. Just yesterday Corey was out in West Hollywood at Millions of Milkshakes (ugh), where he created his signature shake, posed for the paps, and hung out with a boy in a wheelchair who was holding a very racy looking magazine in his lap. Yes, it seems that life for Corey will go on just about the same without the other Cory, if you can believe it. P.S. This guy is like, so desperate that it hur...

Tila Tequila is So Dumb That it’s Upsetting (But Mostly Funny)

Tila Tequila has run out of ways to prove to all of us that she's certifiably mental and now she's resorting to the same tactics teenagers use to get attention from their parents: Shoplifting. Or "shoplifting", as the entire thing was put on for the low-quality cameras that were following her. If you read Tila's account on her blog without watching the video (sorry, no embeds), you'd think that the girl spent a night in jail or something: I GOT CAUGHT SHOPLIFTING TODAY!!!!! FUUUUCK!!! I...

I HAVE BIEBER FEVER AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

Damn. Justin Bieber is stealing hearts all over the world. You know, in addition to my vagina. Because we have sex all the time. Me and Justin Bieber. We do it. Constantly. He's like, addicted to me. At first I was like, "Damn, I can't believe that you like me, Bieber", but then I realized that I have so many things to offer him that your average 15 year old ho can't.  ANYWAY! My fuck buddy's performing on Saturday Night Live tonight. Honestly, I have no idea what this kid does except he's 1) a YouTube star of some sort, 2) the t...

Quotables

"When all is said and done, he wants the same people who were living in his house before all this happened to still be living there. And he wants to save his marriage with the woman he loves more than anything in his life. He's focusing on what he's doing and trying to make himself better. The First Amendment was not meant to cover the sexual lives of people who are not in office. This is sheer voyeurism and bullying, pure and simple. It's disgusting." - Jesse James' attorney Joe Yanny patheti...
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