I know, it's only been a few weeks since we last mused about the state of Katy Perry's uterus, but this is all the kids are talking about these days. It's all about Katy Perry's womb and Miley Cyrus' boobs and Lindsay Lohan's cooch, and I can't do anything about that, ok?
But let's get down to business here: do you think this lady is pregnant or not? To be fair, I'm sure any woman (or, ok, almost any woman) would have at least a little tummy in that dress that Katy's wearing. And she's ...
As you all know, Kim Kardashian had a big fancy wedding and, as such, also had a big fancy registry. For instance, you could buy the happy couple a set of plates for only $12,000! But you also know that Kim's marriage lasted just 72 days. So what happened to all those fancy gifts?
Surely she returned them, right? Her wedding guests received a package a couple months after the wedding that contained their diamond studded napkin rings with a note that said "LOL sorry about the sham of a wedding XOXOXOXOXO," surely. Or, if not, Kim donated the items to charity. It has to be one of thos...
In Playboy, you guys. 50 Cent is really sad that he didn't get to see Lindsay Lohan's genitals in Playboy. He never really specified that last part, but since Lindsay's Playboy spread is pretty much the only place her vagina hasn't been, I'm going to go ahead and fill that in for him.
Here's 50 wondering about "Lindsay's cooch":
"I haven't seen it. But I always wondered what Lindsay's cooch looked like. Ever thought about it? I'll check it out and see what happens."
And here's 50 theorizing on whether or not Lindsay is a stripper now:
...
You guys know I just don't call someone out for a blind item unless I have a pretty good reason to believe I'm right. And this is one of those times:
She was brought in from outside the United States. She only speaks Spanish (or Portuguese?), and has a child who is approximately Kindergarten age. She is fairly attractive, looks like she is in her late twenties, and has thick, dark brown hair and medium-colored skin. You probably wouldn’t notice her if she was walking down the street. However, it doesn’t really matter what she looks like, as she is simply the Surrogate for a baby ...
Can you guys believe that it's only ten days until Christmas? Because I can't. I've only made cookies once this holiday season. I haven't gotten a topper for my Christmas tree yet, which is especially tragic because this will be my first time having a Christmas tree in like six years. I haven't even gotten anyone's Christmas presents yet, which wouldn't be such a big deal if this wasn't my little guinea pig's first Christmas. I feel like the worst, you guys. But nothing makes me feel a...
Thank goodness, right? Because there was a good chance that she wouldn't. If you'll remember, Lindsay missed her plane back to L.A. after she lost her expensive purse filled with money and important documents in Hawaii. She was supposed to be on Ellen to debut that Playboy cover that we've all already seen, but in an unsurprising display of unprofessionalism, she didn't make it. My money (but not my $10,000 in my $5,000 purse) was on Lindsay missing her court date today as well, but I was wr...
I have so many emotions about this movie, you guys. Just so many. I mean, did you see that trailer? Honestly, did you watch it? Tom Cruise's hair? Alec Baldwin's hair? The entire concept of the movie? I just can't, I can't. This is exactly what I felt when Mamma Mia came out: equal amounts of disgust and intrigue, with sprinklings of disappointment and shame. These feelings are only magnified by the presence of Tom Cruise.
What about you? Are you excited about this? If so, were you also excited about Footloose? Because if both of those things are true, then we need to have a good long talk about good judgement and taste. />
I have so many emotions about this movie, you guys. Just so many. I mean, did you see that trailer? Honestly, did you watch it? Tom Cruise's hair? Alec Baldwin's hair? The entire concept of the movie? I just can't, I can't. This is exactly what I felt when Mamma Mia came out: equal amounts of disgust and intrigue, with sprinklings of disappointment and shame. These feelings are only magnified by the presence of Tom Cruise.
What about you? Are you excited about this? If so, were yo...
Yes, a spin-off with those two little ones, that'll do the trick! Oh, and one with the boy! And now that Khloe's Laker man, Lamar, got traded to the Dallas Mavericks, somebody with a camera should follow them on down to Texas! The Kardashian empire has just begun to take hold!
For real, this is all happening. See, there's a new boss over at E!, home of the Kardashians, and she isn't content with the three measly shows the family has now. No, she's aiming for "two, three, even four new Kardashian spin-offs" that focus on all the crazy a...
I have a lot of fun pretending like Justin Bieber is the world's most beautiful, most wondrous man, but just this once I'm going to drop the act and just say that wow, this kid is the biggest bag of douches* that I've ever seen. The way he carries himself, his behavior, even just his little voice in this promo as he talks about making your daughters scream, it's all just uncomfortable and somewhat nauseating, right?
*Did I ever tell you guys about my first encounter with douches? I was probably 11 or 12, and my cousins and I were giving our grandmother's house a thorough cleaning because she told us that if we didn't she'd hit us with the riding crop (and she totally would - I never got the crop myself, the closest I ever came to it was when I refused to eat dinner at her house and offered to receive a little tap if I could just go outside and play, but my cousins definitely did). I was cleaning the bathroom, and I opened the closet door and all these boxes fell and hit me. They were douches. Douches rained from my grandmother's closet, so I put the back in an orderly fashion, and later I asked my grandma what those things were, and she told me to go outside and hush. I think that's why the term "douchebag" hits especially hard for me. And that's my favorite story about douches. />
I have a lot of fun pretending like Justin Bieber is the world's most beautiful, most wondrous man, but just this once I'm going to drop the act and just say that wow, this kid is the biggest bag of douches* that I've ever seen. The way he carries himself, his behavior, even just his little voice in this promo as he talks about making your daughters scream, it's all just uncomfortable and somewhat nauseating, right?
*Did I ever tell you guys about my first encounter with douches? I was probably 11 or 12, and my cousins and I were giving our grandmother's house a t...
"Ultimately we are each responsible for ourselves and for our actions. Looking back, I probably would have listened to and taken more advice from the people whom I admire and would have followed through with it more. My stubbornness at 18 and 19 years old got in the way. During the past five years, I've learned that time flies faster than you think, and because you only live once you have to learn from your mistakes, live your dreams and be accountable."
- Lindsay Lohan tells Playboy all a...
You remember when Adele said that she's been talking to her ex, the guy she wrote all those songs about? And I said was worried about her? It's because I actually do worry about Adele, and I sincerely care about her happiness and her well-being. Is that weird? Well, then Julia Roberts and I are just a couple of wacky weirdos, I reckon.
She [Julia] said: "Anybody that's going to date her is a brave man. You're going to get a whole lot of love, but you'd better treat her right, or we're al...
I know, it's only been a few weeks since we last mused about the state of Katy Perry's uterus, but this is all the kids are talking about these days. It's all about Katy Perry's womb and Miley Cyrus' boobs and Lindsay Lohan's cooch, and I can't do anything about that, ok?
But let's get down to business here: do you think this lady is pregnant or not? To be fair, I'm sure any woman (or, ok, almost any woman) would have at least a little tummy in that dress that Katy's wearing. And she's ...
As you all know, Kim Kardashian had a big fancy wedding and, as such, also had a big fancy registry. For instance, you could buy the happy couple a set of plates for only $12,000! But you also know that Kim's marriage lasted just 72 days. So what happened to all those fancy gifts?
Surely she returned them, right? Her wedding guests received a package a couple months after the wedding that contained their diamond studded napkin rings with a note that said "LOL sorry about the sham of a wedding XOXOXOXOXO," surely. Or, if not, Kim donated the items to charity. It has to be one of thos...
In Playboy, you guys. 50 Cent is really sad that he didn't get to see Lindsay Lohan's genitals in Playboy. He never really specified that last part, but since Lindsay's Playboy spread is pretty much the only place her vagina hasn't been, I'm going to go ahead and fill that in for him.
Here's 50 wondering about "Lindsay's cooch":
"I haven't seen it. But I always wondered what Lindsay's cooch looked like. Ever thought about it? I'll check it out and see what happens."
And here's 50 theorizing on whether or not Lindsay is a stripper now:
...
You guys know I just don't call someone out for a blind item unless I have a pretty good reason to believe I'm right. And this is one of those times:
She was brought in from outside the United States. She only speaks Spanish (or Portuguese?), and has a child who is approximately Kindergarten age. She is fairly attractive, looks like she is in her late twenties, and has thick, dark brown hair and medium-colored skin. You probably wouldn’t notice her if she was walking down the street. However, it doesn’t really matter what she looks like, as she is simply the Surrogate for a baby ...
Can you guys believe that it's only ten days until Christmas? Because I can't. I've only made cookies once this holiday season. I haven't gotten a topper for my Christmas tree yet, which is especially tragic because this will be my first time having a Christmas tree in like six years. I haven't even gotten anyone's Christmas presents yet, which wouldn't be such a big deal if this wasn't my little guinea pig's first Christmas. I feel like the worst, you guys. But nothing makes me feel a...
Thank goodness, right? Because there was a good chance that she wouldn't. If you'll remember, Lindsay missed her plane back to L.A. after she lost her expensive purse filled with money and important documents in Hawaii. She was supposed to be on Ellen to debut that Playboy cover that we've all already seen, but in an unsurprising display of unprofessionalism, she didn't make it. My money (but not my $10,000 in my $5,000 purse) was on Lindsay missing her court date today as well, but I was wr...
Yes, a spin-off with those two little ones, that'll do the trick! Oh, and one with the boy! And now that Khloe's Laker man, Lamar, got traded to the Dallas Mavericks, somebody with a camera should follow them on down to Texas! The Kardashian empire has just begun to take hold!
For real, this is all happening. See, there's a new boss over at E!, home of the Kardashians, and she isn't content with the three measly shows the family has now. No, she's aiming for "two, three, even four new Kardashian spin-offs" that focus on all the crazy a...
"Ultimately we are each responsible for ourselves and for our actions. Looking back, I probably would have listened to and taken more advice from the people whom I admire and would have followed through with it more. My stubbornness at 18 and 19 years old got in the way. During the past five years, I've learned that time flies faster than you think, and because you only live once you have to learn from your mistakes, live your dreams and be accountable."
- Lindsay Lohan tells Playboy all a...
You remember when Adele said that she's been talking to her ex, the guy she wrote all those songs about? And I said was worried about her? It's because I actually do worry about Adele, and I sincerely care about her happiness and her well-being. Is that weird? Well, then Julia Roberts and I are just a couple of wacky weirdos, I reckon.
She [Julia] said: "Anybody that's going to date her is a brave man. You're going to get a whole lot of love, but you'd better treat her right, or we're al...