Way back in September, we told you that there was an unbelievably magical episode of Celebrity Wife Swap in the works in which Gary Busey‘s fiancée and Ted Haggard‘s wife switched places. It was glorious news, because … I mean, come on. Ted Haggard is an evangelical pastor who was caught in a huge scandal involving meth and male prostitutes (he’s since come out as bisexual, just in case you wondering about it), and Gary Busey needs no further introduction. How could this not be the best thing anyone has ever seen?
Answer: it was the best thing that anyone has ever seen. Gary spoke about how he fought at the Alamo and was a witch burned at the stake in a former life, and he also said many more words. I’m sorry, you guys, it’s just that when Gary Busey speaks, there’s no way to describe it. There’s no way to paraphrase it and retain all that glorious meaning, you know? You’re just going to have to catch it for yourselves, or take a gander at that marvelous little clip I left up there.
Just in case that clip got you in the mood for some more delightful wife swaps (on television, you guys. I can’t help you if you’re considering the alternative lifestyle, all I can do is offer you my support), here’s a full list of what we have to look forward to with this season of one of the most wonderful reality shows that has ever come to pass:
• ‘Growing Pains’ star Tracey Gold switches places with Wilson Phillips singer Carnie Wilson
• Flavor Flav switches places with Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider
• Pro wrestler Mick Foley switches places with Antonio Sabato Jr.
• Niecy Nash switches places with ‘Family Ties’ actress Tina Yothers
The one with Tracey Gold and Carnie Wilson has already aired, but I missed it because I CAN’T DO EVERYTHING, OK?! But I heard it was a solid episode that made Carnie Wilson look kind of bad. The rest of the episodes though, we have those to look forward to, so that’s something, right?
Personally, I can’t wait to see the episode with Flava Flav because, um, hello? Flava Flav is almost as dependable as Gary Busey when it comes to delivering flawless, batshit crazy lines and looking insane. A different kind of crazy, sure, but crazy nonetheless.
Are there any couples you can think of that you might have liked to see swap wives? I only ask because I’m willing to write letters to anybody necessary to ensure a quality season two of Celebrity Wife Swap. So far I have Katie Holmes switching places with Michelle Duggar. What else?!
Haha. Another show I might have to catch now, thanks. How about Dog and Beth switching with ANY “Housewife of…”