Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Quotables: Michael Lohan Talks About Lindsay’s Teeth Too!

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

“That’s from smoking a pipe with meth or crack. She’s smoking either crack or meth, one or the other. I’m not going to shade it. If you’re talking about prescription medication it would affect all your teeth, not just your two front teeth. You can’t dance with the devil and expect to go home with Jesus.”

– The ever wise Michael Lohan graces us with some of his infamous words of wisdom.

You know, as usual, Michael Lohan is so right. You really can’t dance with the devil and go home with Jesus, especially not Lindsay. Jesus would just be like “girl, have you seen them chompers? I’m going to sit this one out.” And then the devil would just be over in the corner, leering at Lindsay and licking his lips. And then Lindsay would know that she’s resigned herself to her fate, and it would be a cautionary tale for all.

Thanks, Daddy Lohan! Oh, and thanks for letting us know that your baby girl probably smokes crack! Much obliged!

1 CommentLeave a comment

  • Dude might be overbearing, but there is some truth of what he speaks. My nephew was into the smoking crack thing and he too, went from pearly whites to his front teeth slowly decaying and wearing down. Until his front teeth were almost gone. So Lohan, is probably correct.