Epic! Sean Bean Defends a Lady’s Honor, Gets Stabbed in the Arm

Image by Decipher, courtesy of the LotR TCG Database

You guys, I have the raddest story about English actor Sean Bean! I jazzed it up a little, but it’s mostly true.

There once was a man — a tall man with a fair and noble face, proud and stern of glance — and that man was The Lord of the Rings’ Sean Bean.

So there Sean Bean was, standing outside his favorite pub with his pal Gwirithiel Laerwyn, having a smoke and a pint of Eastfarthing’s finest ale. By any account, Gwirithiel is a good-looking gal, as her stint in Playboy France can attest. Yes, Sean Bean’s summery afternoon ought to have stayed pleasant.

But what was this! Just as Sean Bean swilled the last of his beer, some wayfaring, villainous stranger staggered over and addressed young Gwirithiel with some sort of sexual insult. (Here we can only guess what the man really said to her — the Daily Mail doesn’t state any specifics, but promises the words were lewd.)

Furious, the heroic Sean Bean gave chase, pursuing the stranger down the street. “Sedho!” Sean Bean might have shouted after the man. “Pedich an orme!” he maybe demanded. But the stranger escaped on foot and, their encounter seemingly finished, our champion Sean Bean returned to the bar.

But later, when Sean Bean went out to the sidewalk to enjoy another cigarette, the stranger was waiting! He stepped out of the shadows, armed with a shard of broken glass. He plunged the glass into Sean Bean’s arm, then punched the movie star square in the face.

Here’s where the story gets totally legendary: Sean Bean, bloodied, trudged back into the pub. The barworkers were horrified. They asked Sean Bean if he needed to go to the hospital. Sean Bean declined; Sean Bean ordered another drink instead.

Well, OK. It all went down at the Hill Bar and Brasserie in Camden, actually, and maybe Sean Bean doesn’t really speak Elvish. But like I said, mostly true.