I Sincerely Hope That This Story Has Not a Grain of Truth To It

You know, being a celebrity gossip blogger, you have to have a certain vitriol running through your veins. You can’t harbor any discrimination when it comes to making fun of the good, the bad, and the ugly of celebrity. There’s no one off limits.

A lot of times, I’ll come across a great story that I know I just have to write up, and I rub my hands together and cackle with glee over the misfortune (or how I could spin a non-misfortune) of another, much “luckier” person.

However, this is not one of those times. I read this story in the The Sun — which frequently presents stories about Bat-Boy, or something, if that tells you anything — and I found myself bothered in a multitude of ways. The story claimed that a source witnessed Britney Spears abusing her two young sons in a rather awful way:

TROUBLED pop star BRITNEY SPEARS faces a probe into allegations that she abused her two young sons. Social workers will quiz her over claims she beat one with a belt and gave both food they were allergic to – making them violently ill.

Investigators were approached by the singer’s former bodyguard FERNANDO FLORES – who claims he was forced to quit his job due to Britney’s erratic behaviour.

It is understood that the 28-year-old star strongly denies the claims and insists she has never mistreated four-year-old SEAN PRESTON and JAYDEN JAMES, three. But Flores, 29, has told the Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services he feels Britney is too unstable to be left in charge of her sons …

A source said: “Britney doesn’t mean to be a bad mum. But Flores feels she has so many issues she can’t be trusted around her boys. He claims the first really shocking incident was when she came marching into the pool house at her mansion and demanded his belt. He handed it over but then followed her into the main house and claims he witnessed the alleged incident.”

Flores also accused Britney of feeding the boys food they were allergic to, including shellfish. The alleged incidents took place in late March or early April.

This month The Sun revealed how Flores claimed Britney constantly walked round naked and sexually harassed him.

Child protection agency workers tried to quiz her last week but she had left LA for a few days. Britney temporarily lost custody of the boys two years ago after suffering a massive breakdown.

You know, if it’s true, then fuck. She should have her parental rights stripped and custody removed, and be made to undergo some hardcore counseling — again. But moreover, if it’s not true (which is what I’m leaning toward), how dare these people insinuate that the formerly-troubled pop star mistreats her children in such a publicly embarrassing way? How low could you possibly go? Accusations of child abuse? What’s next, necrophilia? Rabid bestiality? I know I’ve ragged on Brit in the past, whether it be about how much she likes to eat, or her sour puss, or her ugly-assed cheap-looking clothing line. It’s harmless and there’s no genuine malice behind it. (Well, toward Britney, anyway. January Jones? Yeah. There is.)

But more-than-likely false child abuse allegations through a fourth-rate newspaper? Against a woman who’s been solidly trying to resurrect herself in the public eye over the past few years? That’s just a line that you don’t cross. Christ.