Bad Girls Club Recap: “Go with the Flo”

Flo can walk again … sort of, and she walks to the other side of the line drawn between her and the rest of the house. Lexie gets progressively horny and makes her man-demands while Natalie calls a friend over to teach the girls how to use their stripper pole. It’s quite entertaining to watch all the girls fail — well, all the girls except for Natalie. She seems to know her way around, and around, and around, that pole.

After their workout, our girls hit the town, and that’s not all they hit. Amber meets a guy who buys her shots in exchange for some very sordid sexual exchanges disguised as dance moves and his wife is not having it. The fight moves from inside da club to da curb. Kendra and Natalie back her up before the cops break it up. The girls call Flo fake for not joining in on a good fight but I think we can all agree that Flo is not afraid of a good fight. My take is that while she was limping away she was rather enjoying Amber watching get BEAT!

Amber comes home eager to tell her boyfriend the news, and she tells him EVERYTHING. Including the fact that she hiked up her super mini dress and acrobatically humped the guy in public. Get them shots gurl! But I must say, God bless their extremely honest relationship…but does he think she’s a child? Because she sure talks like one whenever she’s on the phone with him. Amber is impressed with Natalie’s “back gittin” skills and the rift between Flo and the rest of the house is widened. Rick, Amber’s beef cake BF, arrives shortly after. Natalie relates them to an “Alien and Predator”-like duo, which in Natalie speak–I’m assuming–is an anti-euphemism (pretty sure I just made that word up) for an “odd couple.”

Flo starts receiving flowers in the mail and all the girls think she’s sending them to herself….apparently I wasn’t the only one taking notes while watching “Clueless” in middle school! Flo’s descent into madness becomes increasingly evident as she wavers between vicious rants behind the girls’ backs, analogizing herself to an earthquake and then composing a list of all the girls’ faults as she understands them. For all future purposes I shall refer to this note as the “Doctor’s Note.” Because although Flo is crazy, I truly feel that she honestly believes this note will clarify their problems to themselves. What do you think readers: Is Dr. Flo spot on? Or does she need the check-up? Oh AND when Annie reads her portion of the list she chastises Flo’s grammar. God we love this girl!

Kate’s held over night in the hospital….the girls are obviously all really upset so they hit the club, sans Flo, and Amber takes her man out on the town. Kendra’s douche-dar must be incredibly keen because she quickly meets and brings home Marc, or “Spencer Pratt D-bag” as Flo aptly names him. Kendra makes Lexie suit up and join in on the naked hot tub menage. It’s sad to watch, but Lexie earns straight REAL points for owning up to her own farts. And sweetheart, I know Kendra was in front of a boy so pretended that she never farts or whatever horse sh*t women pretend to act like a “lady,” but REAL women, like myself, give the proper props to owning up to your own stench. Kudos my dear!

The next morning while Kendra realizes how boring and AWFUL the “Spencer” she boned was last night, Kate calls with exciting news! She’s got a “strand” of the swine flu … a “strand?” I think she means strain, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. These girls know far more about hair–their own or their purchased–than they do about viruses. I mean Amber did tell her BF that they had a special toilet just for men to wash their members in called a duvet…you can’t make this sh*t up. Annie stands up to Flo about her Dr.’s note and the girls stand behind her. The heat escalates between Flo and Kendra and a full-fledged bitch fights ensue. Rich gets REAL points from us for 1) busting sweet moves to Flo’s insult rap (insulting rap? Not sure what to call that travesty), and 2) for announcing that he is leaving to have intercourse with his woman. Poolside cabana sex? Yes please! You’re awesome man, sorry yo gurl gets car sick when she’s on top. Bummer.

Flo hits rock bottom and in lieu of an exorcism, packs her bags and leaves. But before she reaches the car, she is assailed by water balloons. Lucky for her, none of the girls can throw for SH*T because I’m pretty sure that not a single drop reaches her person. But ding dong, the witch is dead! There is much rejoicing. This week’s eventful episode definitely impressed, but next week’s teaser has my mouth watering for more! Be sure to tune in and catch your favorite Bad Girls as they get away to Santa Barbara, but not from the cops. And as always, you can get our rundown of the girls on www.evilbeetgossip.com.