Hey. So you probably noticed that I stopped posting earlier today. Or maybe you have a fucking life, I don’t know! I don’t really know anything about you and I’ll be the first to admit it! But I do know this: i had to break off today because your homey homegirl Molls has bed bugs. I would feel dirty telling you this, but I’ve never had lice or anything in my life. In fact, it’s somewhat of an epidemic in big cities these days. So, watch yo’ ass, basically. That’s what I’m saying. Watch. Yo’. Ass.
So I started thinking about it and I was like “What celebrity looks like the kind of person who would have bed bugs?”. I almost feel bad saying this because it’s like, betraying my people (us people who have experienced bugs eating our flesh in our sleep), but I think it would be Pete Doherty. Who, BTW, also happens to be relevant again because he maybe sorta supplied heroin to a British heiress who overdosed recently? Like he maybe killed her a little bit? We don’t know yet, it’s all up in the air, but here’s a photo gallery of Pete, who I think can be hot sometimes.
Thank god I don’t live in LA anymore. Oceanside is getting better and better every day.
I feel for you Molls. One of my worst fears is being infested by bugs. Whether it’s those creepy ass bugs that climb in through your ear then lay eggs in your legs and hatch weeks later leaving gaping holes all over you, seriously, I have nightmares about those things!
Or these little devils you have going on that ruin lives by biting you in your sleep, which is supposed to be the most restful peaceful, thing in your day. Then on top of it they make you throw your stuff out because you get paranoid and can never look at your clothes and bed the same way.
Evil stuff. Hope Wags is okay!
Oh my god..
I’m totally mortified by your comment.
This is so bullshit.
My sister died of a morphine overdose and no cops went after her dealer, who was also the guy who found her body and had seen her a couple of days before she died.
Looking at my dating history, I guess I have a thing for guys that look like junkies. So that must be why I find him so attractive.
Oh, feel better soon, dear.
OMG – Pete Doherty is the GROSSEST, MOST DISGUSTING MAN ALIVE!!!! He is FUG, FUG, FUG to the Nth degree. Like, if he was my child- I’d kill myself, ugly!
Really? You rate him lower than, say, Joseph Fritzl? You Americans are c.r.a.z.y.
Those teeth of his always cause shivers. They look like he hasn’t brushed them for a few years.
Ok Molls I don’t care about Skeeze Doherty. Tell me about bedbugs. Educate me please. I know you probably got them from some swanky hotel sheets cause I have read about that part (bedbugs are rampant in Europe and they are coming to the US on the bodies of the touristas blah blah blah) but what I really really want to know is:
How the heck do you get rid of them??
This post is so irrelevant. I’m not usually a commenter, but Molls – you are the worst. Constant errors in spelling, grammar and general content. And now a post all about why you can’t keep up.
Please, Beet, why is Molls still here?
Unfortunately it seems that Beet is OK with it. As long as the readers do Molls’ proofreading for her it seems to balance out in the end, I guess.
Really sara, does it matter if there’s a few grammatical errors here and there? This isn’t the fucking Declaration of Independence, it’s a stupid gossip blog whose pages roll over every day or so and then basically are never looked at again. Molls could type with her goddamn toes as far as I’m concerned. It just doesn’t matter, and by the way, your avatar photo makes you look like an annoying bitch that probably screams at little first graders in kid hell.
Well said, Anon.
Well, I understand where you’re coming from, Anonymous #1, but as long time readers here at Beet, once we notice the caliber of writing going down, we’re less than thrilled. It wasn’t always this lackadaisical.
We miss Wendie :(
Well then go read about her kids sticking French fries up their noses. It’s a fucking riot.
I do EBD. The thing is Molls is capable of doing a better job here. I’ve read her blog and it’s funny, distinctive and well written.
Breakdown of anti-Molls comments on EvilBeet:
25% “Molls is so mean. I hate her.”
25% “I hate Molls. Let’s be mean to her.”
50% “blahblahblah COMMA blahblah GRAMMAR blahblah IMPROPER VERB FORMS!!!”
Either way, my guess?
100% Big virgins
Excellent, peer-reviewed, Internet-level analytics.
If you find that thing attractive, the fact that you are covered in bugs suddenly makes a ton of sense.
And by hot you mean the fever caused by an infection of the French pox.
Bedbugs are hard to get rid of and make it scary to go to sleep at night because they come out looking for warm bodies to feast on.
DDT! It’s safe and it works.
Molls—I have to say I think you had it coming. You look about as skeevy as Pete Doherty.
I bet you had that crablice coming too.
Oh man. I had those things in a house I owned a few years ago. I got them from a second hand mattress a neighbor gave me. We wrapped the mattress in plastic ( otherwise the BBs will jump off as you drag it through the house) and took it to the dump. That seemed to get rid of them and a few months later we sold the house, furnished.
It left me with a real BB phobia. When I check into a hotel I check the mattress with a flashlight, put all luggage and things ( including shoes)on a raised surface away from the bed. You can’t be too careful, those are a bitch to get rid of.
Act quickly, fumigate and be very vigilant to make sure they’re all gone and never come back. Good luck with the fight Molls!
If your definition of “hot” is a jaundiced, unwashed, smelly unkempt man with poor hygiene and whose breath could knock a maggot off a shit wagon, well, then yeah – Pete Doperty is the man for you.
Bedbugs are a nightmare, and so is Pete Doherty. He turns people on to hard drugs where ever he goes – he’s a human bedbug of drugs and death.
Try reading the dailymail.co.uk/- they have long interesting articles that are excerpts of autobiographies. They’ve, of course, has some articles about Pete, who has a surrogate-Mommy who is a superfan who does everything for him.
Pete wasn’t with this woman when she died (she is the niece of Jemima Kahn (nee Goldsmith), who dated Hugh Grant for some years. But another long-term heroin addict who is a friend of Pete’s was (can addicts have friends? It seems like only the drug is their friend.)
But as one article pointed out, Pete has been arrested something like 28 times in the past few years, and has only been jailed very briefly. Once 11 packets of heroin fell out of his coat pocket IN COURT and the judge believed him when he said it was left over from a long time ago.
Pete seems to be a teflon man, but those around him aren’t.
Best post headline of 2010! Awesome.
Also I read your blog post that you linked and I am so freaked out by all the comments from people who have had them. WTF. But I live in upstate New York and from what you’ve said they seem to mostly be in warmer climates. Thank god.
Yes, looked at your blog photos and those are bedbug bites. It’s that 3 pattern. They will leave little scar-like marks that will last a long time, like 3 week-6 weeks ( at least in my case), but will eventually will fade completely away.
I like your blog:).
This comment section is so full of negativity! What about the fact that Molls is an extremely generous writer who regularly volunteers self – effacing information to the whole wide world? We should be thankful that there are some honest voices left in the (mostly) self serving and endlessly primping celebrity gossip world.
Nice job Alice.
You can bring bed bugs home with you after you stay in a hotel. they get into your suitcase when you set it down. There is a handy bed bug registry website where you can check for hotels and other places with reported infestations. Always avoid hotels near the airports. They get contaminated when people come in from other countries.
I’m sorry for you dear, because I hear they can be hard to get rid of.
ok, first get off of molls about the grammar. this isnt english class. if you want fine lit, go read war and peace. molls has some of the most hilarious and witty posts on this site. (not to mention she’s cute as hell)
that being said, molls, if you find this disgusting pete creature sexy, i suggest getting your weed from another source. the shit youve been smoking is obviously laced.