Tommy Lee Weighs in on His VMA Smackdown

What on earth did we do before blogs?

How did celebrities ever speak their minds?

Tommy Lee wants to tell his story of the fight he had with Kid Rock at the VMAs, so he’s taken to his blog to get the word out. What you need to focus on here are the letters that come in between the super-ellipses. I know all the dots on the page are hard to ignore and very, very important — not to mention grammatically essential — but please try to direct your focus to the actual words.

Yeah!! …..here I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the Mtv awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends……Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore….and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!…..and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me…..and he’s sitting with Miss HOT AS FUCK!!!!…..Megan FOX!!! So I go over and sit with P!! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance….”i apologize sweetie”…..i had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect, ……back to the stupid-ness!!….so….. I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble…i stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say “Hey dude…What up”?? He punches me in the face…..well if ya wanna call it that!?….more like a bitch slap!…….Wuss!! Anyway….i go to knock this jealous no career havin country bumpkin the fuck OUT….and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly ass mug ….security guards…NOT MINE at the Palms grab me and haul my ass outta the award show threatening me that if I move they’ll break my arm……yeah whatever!!….my security guard Bruce grabs them and say’s I got him….let go!!! So im fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner George Maloof……the rest is paper work and bullshit!… Anyway…… I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and Mtv for the disrespectful bullshit caused by a piece of shit called Kid Pebble!!

Much Love always!!…..Tommy!!

Okay, am I the only one who feels dumb about actually laughing out loud at Kid Pebble? I’m not sure why I think it’s so funny. It’s not funny in a brilliantly witty way, but it’s funny in an oh-my-God-a-grown-man-and-the-father-of-children-just-said-this kind of way. Also, I love the name-dropping, Tommy. I wish I were cool enough to know George Maloof. Then I could say his name for reason at all, too.

Also, can I get a brief essay from you on why exactly you put an apostrophe in “say’s”? What, exactly, is the apostrophe replacing there? I’m genuinely curious to hear your thoughts on that.