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Noah Cyrus Is One Sexy Underage Child

December 15, 2009
Evil Beet
Akon, Miley Cyrus, Noah Cyrus
51 Comments

Yeah, I just make the headlines like that to get all the pedophile traffic in. Oh, pedo traffic, rain down on me. Let’s work together to turn all your disgusting, freakish Google searches into money for me.

Seriously, though, I’m not especially up in arms about this video of 9-year-old Noah Cyrus singing “Smack That” backstage at one of big sis Miley’s concerts while dancing with a level of sexuality echoed by every fucking pre-teen dance troupe in the country. Like, really, I used to live next door to this four-year-old boy who knew all the lyrics to “Californication” and ran around singing and dancing dirty to it all day long and no one was all like “GASP! THAT CHILD IS A WHORE!” We were just like, “Dude, that’s a cute kid. Who is probably gay.”

Kids today know the lyrics to “Smack That,” because, ya know, it was on the radio forevah. And nine-year-old girls have been doing dance moves like that since their 22-year-old dance teachers have been training them to. And by that I mean since the ’80s. It’s not like she’s peeing on R. Kelly. Ease up, peeps.

51 CommentsLeave a comment

  • The only thing this looks like to me is a teenager who taught her little sister something that would make her friends laugh and parents mad.

  • I don’t think that there is anything wrong with slutty dancing. It’s kind of adorable at that age, and later, once the dancer realizes that it actually means something, they tend to do it less — but it’s GREAT exercise. Seriously. Give a lap-dance or two and your thighs will burn for half a week afterward — if you’re not accustomed to that sort of dance, that is.

    Anyway, as Evil Beet said, this is just adorable. Also, that four-year-old boy sounds adorable. And probably gay.

    • I don’t think that there is anything wrong with slutty dancing. It’s kind of adorable at that age, and later, once the dancer realizes that it actually means something, they tend to do it less..

      Tell that to JonBenet Ramsey’s father. Or the number of children each year who are molested because they’re encouraged to ‘be adorable’, as you put it.

      You’re a disgusting person. You obviously don’t have children, or you’d really think differently.

      • that’s like women who are raped while dressing sexy are raped because they’re dressed sexy. thousands of girls jonbenet’s age are molested and they don’t prance around in pageant garb. does it help? hell no, but i wouldn’t say it’s the reason she was murdered. perverts are perverts..they like kids. whether they dress sexy or not.

    • Is that 4-year old boy watching Californication? If he is, social services should pay a visit to his house.

    • oh you are sooo right. young children SHOULD be giving lapdances and grinding like tila tequila on a webcam, it’s such great exersize. you know what else is great exersize? ballet class. or running around outside. or pretty much doing anything that normal little girls do. i can’t believe your argument here. MORON

  • I saw an interview with this little girl, and if she doesn’t get pregnant by the age of 16, she’ll wind up working as a day-shift stripper at the local truck stop in Tennessee. She’s a little attention whore, and doesn’t care how or why the cameras are on her, so long as they’re on her and she’s the center of attention.

  • The funny thing to me is that they’re all holding hands like they’re getting ready to circle up and pray before the show or something. Right after a little “Smack That.”

    • that’s exactly what’s going on..
      love it.

      to everyone else:

      the poor thing is only 9. STOP USING “WHORE” TO DESCRIBE HER. so what if she needs to always be the center of attention? all 9 year-olds do. we can only imagine what it must be like to grow up under miley’s ego shadow..give her a break.

  • “It’s not like she’s peeing on R. Kelly”….I literally just laughed so hard I sent my breakfast flying. Damn Sasha, you are one funny woman!!

  • She’s growing up in the shadow of Hannah Montana. She’s the baby of the family which usually is a fairly prime spot but Trace is the oldest and only boy (I think) and Miley is being Miley (haha) and she’s got nothing. SO she’s a huge attention whore and is trying to do what her sister does to get attention. I feel bad for her actually. Although she’ll probably have a record deal before she hits 11.

  • noah’s already an actress, she was the voice in ponyo.

    and this isn’t a big deal (you’re right on the money, beet!). the little girl i babysit for sings the “my neck, my back” song all the time, complete with dance moves, and she’s 8.

    little kids don’t know what they’re doing is risque, only that it gets a reaction from the adults.

  • I know a 5 yr old who runs around singing “Love Game”. You know the part about taking a ride on your “disco stick”. Then again, she could sing some Peaches.

  • damn. i find this fairly disturbing and incredibly inappropriate. i don’t know any 9 year olds who act like that.

    oh man, but i loooooooved ponyo.

  • Beet, you would not defend her dance if you had bothered to watch Noah’s youtube channel and look at the clothes she is wearing and the shitload of makeup she parades around in.
    It is not her fault though…her parents are to blame.

  • Holy fuck… I cannot believe their parents let them do this kind of shit… If social services were as good as they claim to be, those parents would be in jail.

  • What kind of parents does she have? Seriously? First shes wearing a hooker costume on Halloween now shes dancig like one too. I blame their parents 100%..disgusting.

  • my mom used 2 like billy ray but NOT ANY MORE i mean look at the poor girls i also blame the mom and dad