Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz kept their baby Bronx alive for an entire year and yesterday they celebrated their glorious achievement by throwing their little boy a Sponge Bob themed birthday party.
You’d think that they’d do something Jungle Book related because the two are so obsessed with the Kipling book-turned Disney Classic that they got their son’s middle name from the main character (Mowgli– ew.), but they went with the Square Pants thing per the babies (kind of) request. “[Bronx] likes Bob and he likes guitar – which he calls ‘itar,’ so we’re going to have a SpongeBob party for him,” Pete told People. I would think that’d mean a Bob Marley themed birthday party, but I guess “special cake” would be lost on a one year old. Or kill him. I’m not suggesting people give their kids cake laced with marijuana, I’m just sayin’.
Perhaps my favorite part of this story is the nearly illiterate Tweets by the Simpson sisters made to commemorate the special day:
From Ashlee: “BX’s 1st bday tomorrow! My angel is going to be a year!! The greatest year of my life :)”
And Jessica: “Happy Birthday to my precious angel on earth!!! Bronx is 1 today!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! I can’t believe it has been a year already.”
I’m going to be really sad when I have to write up a post next summer about how that poor baby got napped from Joe and Tina Simpson’s backyard by a coyote.
…a bit harsh with the coyote comment. Anyone who has lived in areas where coyotes no longer fear humans should realize that coyotes will attack out of no where, and right in your yard. It’s not like it was the Simpson family’s fault, and you really shouldn’t make fun of a dog that got mauled. Not funny. At all.
Agreed.
And their tweets aren’t really that bad? I’ve seen far less literate. At least it isn’t in txtspk or misspelled. Seems a little over-the-top to call them illiterate.
Likewise, I don’t see anything glaringly wrong with theri tweets (especially since I couldn’t get Moll’s error in using the word “babies” when she actually meant to use “baby’s”! Just saying.
I really don’t find your writing all that funny or hard core or whatever it is your trying to put out there Molls. If you aren’t trying too hard to get a laugh, you try to write something “edgy” but it comes out just mean and spiteful. I appreciate that you try, but I think I might just come back to EB on weekdays from now on.
It aint’ better on weekdays around here, bitch. Better stick to WEEDdays, which is what a Molls post is like.
You know, I’m glad to find out that everybody feel the same way about this post. I thought I was a just PMSing and was just being emotional today. It is a little harsh. Actually, it’s harsh and mean. I like mean, I like edgy. Heck, I even enjoy when you write edgy, but this? This is too much. The baby taken by a coyote line was waaaaay too much even for a meaner like me. Wow.
I hate women that admit to PMSing. It’s such a fucking copout and excuse to be a total whiny bitch for a few days a month. Grow the fuck up.
Um, excuse me but it’s something that happens every month and I can’t change it. Oh, and fuck you. That’s not the point here, there point is that the post was mean, so fuck you because it was Molls that started the bitchiness.
Yeah, well I’m a woman lala and I’ve never used the PMS card, even when I had a particular day I didn’t feel as good as the day before. If you want to be one of those stereotypical bitches that lays on the couch with a washcloth on your forehead whining about how your tummy hurts, that’s fine, but there are many of us that don’t need to belittle ourselves to stoop to such extremes. Go sit in a fucking corner, crybaby.
Yikes.. Sounds like *someone’s* PMSing… :)
I thought it was funny!
i love your writing, but i feel silly commenting about it because… who cares?! if i like it i read it, if i dont i dont. it not that hard.
Yawn! Your reply was much like a Taco Bell visit. A short burst of anticipation followed by intestinal discomfort. You should have just farted instead and saved us all the trouble.
Am I the only one that laughed at the coyote bit? I’m clearly a horrible person and Molls, I think you’re amazing.
NO, I’d truly smile if their baby was kidnapped and eaten by a coyote while they had it swinging out by the pool in L.A.
so this is obviously Molls?
nope. I laughed.
Jessica pretty much IS illiterate… this just wasn’t the most shining example of it.
Did Jessica read your snide and completely rude post? probably not because you are a nobody- I think she would be much more upset over this post than perez’s post. You are just an evil bitch. To think I actually liked your blog a lot more…
I’ve never even seen Ashlee’s spawn. That’s kind of refreshing.