Molls has done a fantastic job of keeping everyone updated on the death of Adam Goldstein, aka DJ AM. I want to weigh in briefly. I know a lot of people are struggling to come to terms with his death right now. I’m one of them. I knew Adam. We weren’t by any means close, but our social circles overlapped when I lived in LA, and I had the pleasure of seeing him every now and again.
I know that in the coverage of his passing, the media is going to focus on the meth pipe in his apartment, and on the prescription drugs, and, of course, on the fact that he died of an overdose. We’ll have to cover the story as it breaks, because that’s what we do around here as a business.
But I want to take at least one post to focus on the man Adam was before this horrible, tragic relapse. He had been committed to sobriety for many years, and he took his recovery seriously. He was active in the recovery community, and he helped many drug addicts and alcoholics as they battled the relentless demons of addiction. This is a man who was out there saving lives every day. He took his own addiction seriously, and he took his own recovery seriously, and perhaps that’s why this is so frustrating for me today. It seems unfair that some people get to abuse drugs for years and years and years, never once trying to clean up their act, and they seem to live forever in spite of it. From what I’ve heard, Adam’s relapse was recent. He slipped and then he didn’t get much of a chance to get back up on his feet. His addiction just kind of swooped in out of nowhere and got him.
I hate the idea of him dying as an addict after all the years he fought and worked so hard to stay clean. I hate the idea that that is how the media might remember him. I hate him dying like this after surviving against such great odds, time and time again. It’s incredibly frustrating, and I’m sad and I’m angry. But I’m using the tiny little podium that I have to remind you guys that, although he ultimately lost the battle with addiction, he really did come at it with both guns blazing. Many others are clean and sober and alive today because of the impact Adam had on their lives. The man brought far more good and beauty into the world than his tragic death would indicate.
RIP, Adam. You are missed.
So true. It seems like he helped so many others that were striving for or living in or hoping for recovery. I hope that is what his legacy will be.
Yes Wendie…..there is no better way for a recovering addict to help the fellow weak as they strive, and live in hope for recovery than to die of an overdose.
I am certain so many street urchins can now feel good about all the promise his pathetic death has brought to their lives.
Yes I wish my father would have helped me with my gambling problem by opening a casino, or perhaps helped me with my cocaine addiction by becoming a smuggler, or helped me with my pedophilia by opening a boys only daycare.
If only he had been as enlightened as the DJ!
I am so sorry, it must have come as a shock to you because you knew him. Addiction is so scary, one slip and you are back right where you started, at your worse. I have a family member like that – NO YOU CAN’T DO IT JUST ONE MORE TIME! Again I feel the pain and frustration of knowing there are heroin addicts out there shooting up every day for decades, but this was crack – I think his death was fast, heart attack fast. I think the relapse can be traced directly to that plane crash and the subsequent post traumatic stress, it must have been very difficult for him to deal with but that’s when an recovered addict has to reach out for support. I agree he will be missed.
I now wonder if his relationship with Nicole wasn’t more about helping her recover from her own addictions and that’s why it didn’t last and they didn’t marry.
I don’t know any details, but once I heard that drugs were/might have been involved I immediately thought that his recovery from the plane crash might have hurt his sobriety. Having severe burns and other injuries from the crash I am sure he was on some type of meds. Prescription pills can be really dangerous for everyone, especially those who are fighting a very hard battle with addiction. I didn’t know him at all but I only ever heard good things about him. RIP Adam I hope you are in a better place now.
A beautiful tribute. His demons are quiet now. RIP.
Hey Beet. So sorry for your loss. You have a closer connection than the rest of us out here. Again, sorry for your loss.
When I broke my foot a few years ago I was given some serious painkillers due to the fact that I had nerve damage. At first I took them to get through the pain of simply walking and then they really took control of my life. I enjoyed being numb and after being misdiagnosed for months just to not feel pain was something that sort of sucked me in.
I found myself addicted to painkillers out of the blue just because I couldn’t stop taking them even when I needed to feel pain, or a little bit at least to know I wasn’t hurting my foot as I recovered.
I can’t imagine being an addict and going through the withdrawl of getting of painkillers. I was only on them for about a month and I got the shakes once my parents had me come home to get off them.
DJ AM was, from everyone who I’ve spoken with who has met him or known him, just a lovely soul. Someone who was lost and then found. It is heartbreaking that he slipped back into an old demon that he had helped so many others fight.
Hopefully anyone out there still struggling with drugs and alcohol addiction realizes that recovery is for a lifetime. It takes working hard every day on your sobriety.
God Bless.
Got back from a dinner out with my fam to see this news. So sad and way too soon. Great tribute piece Beet, I’m sorry for you and everyone who was touched by this great person. RIP Adam.
What a terrible tragedy! And I’m so sorry for your loss of a friend. Addiction is a sneaky sneaky disease. I myself have been battling an addiction to pain killers for almost 13 years now, and I can honestly say that i have relapsed more times then I can count. I hated hearing that relapse was a part of recovery because it just doesn’t seem fair at all. But it’s the truth. No matter how much clean time you have you always have to remember that tomorrow could be the day you relapse again. It’s scary and it’s fucked up, but you have to keep in mind that it’s possible or else the possibility of relapsing will eat you up inside. I totally believe that the plane crash most likely had something to do with his recent using. I honestly couldn’t imaging going through that type of ordeal myself. And I may be wrong, but didn’t he lose a very close friend in that crash as well? (can’t remember if that was him or Travis)
Either way it’s hard for an addict to deal with extreme emotions no matter how solid their sober foundation may be. And all it takes is a small negative event (let alone something huge like a plane crash) to push one over the edge. It’s also incredibly hard to be an addict who is actually experiencing real physical pain and has no choice but to take pain killers. The guilt alone of having to take them (legitimately or not) can cause a lot of internal conflict.
Plus, overdoses and death are extremely common in relapses after long periods of sobriety. The addict’s tolerance goes way down after not using for so long and yet they believe they can still handle the same amount they use to ingest before and end up OD’ing.
I just feel so bad, because I had heard that he was a major participant in helping others struggling with their addictions and he was involved in the program whole heartedly (sp?). He wasn’t like other celebrities (and a lot of addicts) who go to re-hab, attend their court appointed AA/NA meetings once or twice and think they are forever cured. Sticking to the program and to living clean and sober is an incredibly hard feat. I’m sure he would have eventually gotten back on the saddle again and inspired even more people struggling with addiction.
Sorry about the rambling (don’t think I’ve ever commented on something in this manner before) My heart really just breaks for his family and friends and like Beet said, it’s simply not fair that this evil evil disease has won yet again…
Wow. Thank you for sharing your story and insight. Best of luck in your own recovery.
Beautifully said EB. Of all the recent celebrity deaths this has really hit me the most. What a terrible tragedy and loss :(
My thoughts are with his many friends and family xoxo
Fuck me, I just saw this. This is awful. Absolutely awful, a complete and total tragedy, a waste.
It’s incredible anyone can find words for it, let alone underscore any good in this bleak mess. Cheers, Sasha.
He was the most genuine, sincere and honest person I have had the gift of knowing. The fact he may have possibly had a relapse is singularly heartbreaking but should never be brought up in any discourse about what his values were or what he did in the most quiet and altruistic ways. I know that despite whom waxes poetic about him, the real legacy he has left, albeit cut very short, is purely his own and while I may see the aspects rooted in his religion, I am taken aback by what he did for SO many people simply because he wanted to be a good person. And he was. He very, truly was.
Very well said. May he rest in peace.
RIP DJ AM. Life is precious. Cherish it, thank the Lord for it everyday. Condolences to all who need them. God bless.
I was welcomed into his home on many occasions as a fellow member of the recovery community.We had mutual friends in common and I saw Adam to be a man who not only could talk the talk but walked the way he talked-very admirable and also rare in certain LA circles. He was always there to lend a helping hand or just to listen and understood the importance of one addict helping another-so sad that he went out the way he did-an addict alone is in bad company-one is too many and a thousand never enough………..
thank you for this little blurb and shedding some light on this man (and also to No Point Now)… light that some of us knew and many didnt. I’ve been listening to Adam for quite sometime now. Because of this, I feel like I did know him which is why my heart is saddened. I hope Adam is now at peace… RIP
Didn’t one of the bloggers recently call this the Summer of Death?
RIP DJ AM.
Thanks for writing this, Beet.
Your tribute was beautiful. I think Lynn and Alex (from LA Rag Mag) really hit the head on the nail when they said:
“He battled addiction during his life, survived suicide attempts, and one fiery private plane crash, and it ends like this.
Almost like life was pleading with him to live. So sad.”
I wish he would have won the battle. He will be missed.
RIP DJ AM.
My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who knew him.
Do you mean all the drug dealers?
Or perhaps all the technicians and nurses at the hospital burn unit?
So very sad. From everything I have read over the years, he seemed a complex, caring yet troubled soul. It must have been torturous to have survived an ordeal like a plane crash where others lost their lives. Many experience a great sense of guilt, and it is far easier for the demons to come back when your personal pain is so great.
I hope that this was a tragic accident-not an intentional way to end his pain.
Addiction is very much like that, it never leaves. You might get ahead of it but it is always just behind you. I know many addicts and I celebrate DJ AM’s gallant struggle, for that’s what it is, an everyday struggle. It’s a shame that he went out like this, but using is a crap shoot every time. However, with friends like you and Molls giving such stirring testimonials, I believe he will be remembered for much more than the way he died. RIP, fellow traveler.
Are you kidding me with that post?
Were you tripping on acid when you wrote that verbal vomitus?
thanks for posting that beet. what you said was very true and heartfelt. though all lives are precious, it’s always difficult to hear that the ones you feel ‘should’ be on earth no longer are. i hope this is at least a wake up call to those who have been lucky enough to survive years of drug abuse.
He spun records for a living. Who gives a fuck, seriously.
he was still a human being. why are you such a douche?
“Donkey.” What an apt moniker. It suits you. And as to your opinion; Who gives a fuck, seriously.
Wow. I just blogged about DJ AM. I knew that he gave back tremendously and helped many people. This disease is insidious!
Cunning, baffling and powerful is a total understatement!
Yes, I’m sure his overdosing was tremendously encouraging to his fellow addicts.
Hey all of you homeless fucks……..here I am making upwards of 25g’s a gig and I can’t find a reason for living, yet you all go on bumming change on street corners and picking up and smoking cig. butts off the street because you are going to have a better chance of succeeding than I did.
I am heartbroken over AM’s death. From everything I ever heard or read about him, he was a really wonderful guy. I hate that in the end, his demons were too strong. May his soul find the peace he so deserved.
I am sorry for the loss of DJ AM. I heard that he most recently wrapped a show about addiction for MTV. He staged interventions for other struggling with addiction. I hope MTV decides to air the show in tribute to him so we get to see some of the lives he changed. He may have lost the battle but he gave many others a second chance and that will never be forgotten.
I whole-heartedly agree! I got strength and hope from DJ AM’s experience, and it helped me with my personal recovery. I hope he is at peace now.
WOW.. he was a great man?… he was a DJ.. what the hell did he ever do? he was a Junkie DJ.. who gives a fuck that he is dead.. this is not Obama or Einstien or helen Keller… he was a drunk, druggy record player.. get a life folks. the result of this death on the planet is nothing.. too bad for him.. for his family, but the rest of the planet “who cares” he was a nobody in life and a nobody in death.. live with it…