Today's Evil Beet Gossip

I’m Very Sad About “Race to Witch Mountain”

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Okay, so, the remake of Race to Witch Mountain hits theaters on Friday, and everyone’s talking about whether or not it’ll take down Watchmen from the #1 box office spot, and all I can do is just be so sad that any of this is happening.

You see, Race to Witch Mountain was my absolute favorite movie as a kid. Favorite. I wanted Tia to be my sister and Tony to be my brother and I wanted an ice-cream sundae parlor and I wanted all their adventures and super-powers and it was just GLORIOUS. I watched that movie time and time again. I’m really kind of devastated to see it being remade. They’re just going to change the plot and use a ton of special effects and detract from all the simple joys of the original. I won’t be watching it. That is not to say that I didn’t call my agent to ask if I could audition for the role of Tia, because a grown woman with D-cup breasts can dream, can’t she? (They also didn’t want to hear me read for the role of Susan in The Chronicles of Narnia a few years back.)

Here are shots from the premiere — including the flick’s littlest new stars, AnnaSophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig. I need to talk about AnnaSophia’s name. While we’re at it, I also need to talk about AnnaLynne McCord’s name. Why are we suddenly naming our children as though they’re C++ variables? When did this trend begin? Back in my day, if your kid’s name involved both Anna and Sophia, you told the county recorder to be damn sure to put a space between her names. None of this AnnaSophia crap. In this country, we have spaces between different words for a reason. The English language doesn’t come into your home, Mrs. Robb, and remove the crack pipe from between your lips, so please return the favor by letting us keep spaces between our words.

Phew.

Now that that’s out of my system: also there were Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Carla Gugino, Amanda Bynes, Garcelle Beauvais, Christine Lakin, and Shannen Doherty with a mystery man.

21 CommentsLeave a comment

  • wow
    i thought i was the only one disappointed in this movie
    all it made me want to do is get the old one on dvd… which i did:-D
    and i will watch it a hundred time over ASAP

  • it’s actually the 3rd remake.
    When i was little i wanted a star case for my birthday,bummed it never happened.

  • I’m just not sure why they changed the name to “Race to Witch Mountain” from “Escape to Witch Mountain” if they are using the same general plot. They should have made it as a sequel. The original will always be better!

  • I loved the original movies, too, but I never wanted Tony to be my brother. Hell no. That boy made my heart flutter.

    It was kinda cool to see them (Tony & Tia) in the premiere pix, time has been fairly kind to them (not sure if those pix are here, saw them at another site).

    • “It was kinda cool to see them (Tony & Tia) in the premiere pix, time has been fairly kind to them (not sure if those pix are here, saw them at another site).”

      And a fun fact about Kim Richards (tia) from the original movie…. she is the maternal aunt to Paris Hilton.

  • I don’t even want to discuss how depressed I am about this remake. On to other topics. Little miss AnnaSophia is going to be the next Dakota Fanning – Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Bridge to Tarabithia, The Reaping. She’s a pretty talented kid – and gorgeous too.

  • I will also not be seeing this movie. I remember as a kid being in fucking awe of their bedroom and literally dreaming and wishing that I could have one just like it!

    Why do they keep ruining such wonderful things?

  • I htought the same thing when I saw the review. I am not watching the remake. BTW Amanda Bines annoys me so much. I don’t know why. Have you ever just looked at someone and been annoyed by them Bines, Mandy More and Jessica Alba do that to me.

  • OK we’re all on the same page then… I freakin love the original movie, made my kids watch it… wanted the candy store ALL over again, wished for my magical powers… then saw this trailer and was horrified. It looks so stupid. Some movies should never be modernized!

  • That was one of my favorite movies! I used to love it for how cool it was, and then I hit puberty and had a huge crush on Tony.

  • I apoligize to Beet & pretty much everyone above because I’ve never even heard of this movie. But it is now on my to rent list.

    And about the names I’m sooo with you. My aunt named my cousin LoriAnna & that drives me (but no one else in the fam) crazy!

    • I know. I’ve never heard of this movie before this one came out. And I’m definitly going to go see it becuase I <3 Dwayne Johnson.

  • Are all you people complete and total idiots??? ‘Race To Witch Mountain’ isn’t a remake. They didn’t call it ‘Escape To Witch Mountain’ because it’s NOT. It’s a completely and totally different story about completely different kids. I was also WAY into the original films as a kid, and now my son loves them just as much as I did. Maybe you should all find out the facts about the movie before trashing it. The story is NOT the same and they didn’t even ATTEMPT to remake the original. They give plenty of nods to the originals throughout the film and Kim Richards and Ike Eisenmann even make cameos in it. The creator of this new movie was a fan of the originals himself, and wanted to try to do his best to pay homage to them, which he did very well. I had my doubts as to whether The Rock could do well in it also, and he pulled it off very well. Once again, this is NOT a remake. I encourage ANY fans of the original films to check this one out. If they were going to do another Witch Mountain movie, this is about the best they could have done.

  • Somebody should line up pics of AnnaSophia and Dakota Fanning, I think they are equally pretty. And I guess we could throw in Abigail Breslin also to compare.