I Am So Glad That Someone Else’s Life is Wonderful

Giuliana DePandi has officially stolen my dream and ridden off with it into the sunset.

The E! News host is engaged to Bill Rancic, who won the first season of Donald Trump’s Apprentice. The two met in 2004 when she interviewed him after his Apprentice win, but didn’t start dating until an interview earlier this year. Giuliana asked Bill during the interview if he was dating anyone. He said no, and asked her out later once the cameras were off.

I would love to attempt to snarkily paraphrase the details of her engagement to him, but since:

1) I am pathetically single.

2) Bill Rancic is hot and smart and charming and rich and

3) Giuliana DePandi totally beat me to the celeb-gossip-reporter-gets-asked-out-by-hot-smart-charming-rich- interviewee-and-they-live-happily-ever-after punch and

4) This sucks and I am bitter

I am just going to pull DiPandi’s quote from E! Online:

“At first, I thought Bill was surprising me with a helicopter ride over downtown Chicago to see the Christmas lights. Then, suddenly he pulled out the most beautiful ring I have ever seen and asked me to marry him. I was so excited I could barely speak. When we got back to his house, he had roses and rose petals scattered everywhere and a big chocolate cake sitting next to a bottle of our favorite wine. It was the best night of my life.”

Are you done reading that? Because I’m not quite done throwing up. Give me another minute. Here, look at a picture of Leann Rimes with her dogs. That should get you to about where I’m at.

Okay. Done.

My sad, celibate, lonely life aside, thisisreallygreatandiamhappyforher. Okay?