Lindsay Lohan (Allegedly) Smokes Hippie Cigarettes, Huge Cocks

Just another sickening battle in the war on privacy we call fame. Some enterprising young stalker has apparently captured a Lohan grocery receipt. How do we know it’s a Lohan grocery receipt? Her name’s not on it anywhere. Okay, her name is on the bottom, but it’s not like that proves anything. I could get a Ralphs card as Lindsay Lohan, too. The list includes:

• Chaser (a popular hangover “cure”)
• 2 bottles of Nyquil
• 1 box Claritin tablets
• 1 box of Sudafed
• 1 box of Unisom
• Ginseng
• 2 boxes green tea supplement

and also:

• 4 frozen dinners
• 3 bottles of wine
• 2 bags of Doritos
• Miracle Whip
• grated Parmesan cheese
• Philly Cream Cheese
• 2 jugs of cranberry juice
• Honey Nut Cheerios
• 12 pack of Diet Coke
• 3 packs of American Spirits
• Tums Smoothies
• 1 box of Magnum Trojans

So as best I can tell, your local meth lab threw a lovely Labor Day picnic.

I’m not yet convinced this receipt belongs to La Lohan. This could just as easily be a PR stunt by Trojan, AmSpirit or Chaser. I’m waiting for some proof.