I think it’s bedtime. It’s hard to focus on the screen. That color did something strange to my eyes.
Hey, do you guys remember when I had, like, my little nervous breakdown at the beginning of this year? I mean, even before Charlie died and all that and I was just out of my head fucking crazy and going through some really rough shit and it sucked hardcore? Yeah. This is the color my hair was back then. I distinctly remember wandering into the hair salon through my haze of crazy and being like, “I want it white. I want it to have no color left.” And the poor stylist was like, “Oh, sweetie, let’s talk about some nice highlights instead,” and I was like, “Listen to me. I want my hair devoid of color. Strip it of everything,” and she begrudgingly did it, shaking her head the whole time. It turned out looking a lot like this. I don’t know why I felt this need to have my hair scream “trashy stripper” at that point in my life, but I did. It just felt necessary. Fuck, if that shit had happened a year earlier, I would’ve probably just shaved my whole damn head, but, at the time, people would have been like “Ugh, total Britney wannabe.” Anyway, in my mind, this shade of hair color will always be called Emotional Breakdown Blonde. Someone alert Clairol.
It’s weird to think that shit went down less than nine months ago. It’s mind-blowing how much my life has changed since then. How that person and that life is a distant, fading memory already. Like it all happened to someone else.
And even just today. I was so sad this afternoon — it felt scary and limitless. And then I talked to some people I didn’t expect to talk to and said some things I didn’t expect to say and did some things I didn’t expect to do and, over the course of a few hours, the way I felt changed so drastically. I’m fine now. I’m calm and I’m content and I’m grateful. I have to remember that if I just wait patiently and pay attention, God hands me everything I need. I don’t know why that always slips my mind right when I need to remember it most. Hopefully I can help some of you begin your day today with that in mind.
Here’s Heidi at The Pink Party in LA, an event to help raise money for women’s cancer research.
Also there: Lori Laughlin, a pregnant Jennifer Garner, a (hopefully!) pregnant Poppy Montgomery, Vanessa Minnillo, Brooke Burke, Natascha Henstridge and more!
I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I think back and can’t believe that I’m even the same person as I was in old photos or journal entries. It’s like what the fuck happened to that chick? Who the hell am I?
Beautiful thoughts, Bee. Completely went there myself and going back and forth from it.
Has she turned into a transvestite now?
my god i just saw the very top of her head, and before i read what it was about, thought it was john mccain
john mccain’s wife sorry i hit the wrong button have been up way to long.
If you not going to blog thats fine, could you post some of the replys to the CNN contest, I want to know what people came up with.
beet. it makes me nervous when you speak so openly. it’s like watching your parents cry or something. please don’t share such intimate details of your life as it makes me wish i still had my favorite blanket. which was soft, blue and had two bunnies and a squirrel on it.
Who’s Charlie. I don’t wanna sound insensitive Beet, but I haven’t been following your Blog that long. Sounds like you hit rock bottom back then. But like you said, look at you now.. you put smiles on tons of people’s faces everyday. I know that at least I can say that you do that to me.. Good job hun
i think heidi believes she is the ‘sexiest woman alive’. she thinks she is the next marilyn or angelina. in reality she is the next dina lohan. only uglier. and more plastic.
First of all: I know how you feel, beet! Though, it’s not with hair color for me, but smells… Nevermind…
Second: I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH SHE LOOKS LIKE CHRIS CROCKER!!!
hey my hair is platinum…but looks much better than this because heidi desperately wants to be barbie. i just want to be debbie harry.
Beet, hang in there sunshine. Your life could be worse, you could be me.
Is it just me or does Heidi have a horse face? I mean she is the epitome of butt-ass ugly.
Her teeth make me want to vomit.
Beet, spill your guts anytime. Odd that horsey Heidi triggered it for you, but whatev. We all have our triggers, don’t we? Enjoy our beautiful day here in Seattle…
ha ha Emotional Breakdown Blonde.
Thats why I dye my blond hair brown every few months :)
you made my day beet. I am so proud of you. And you’re right, whenever you’re down in the dumps it takes one little snining monent to pull you out of it, but its hard to see when you are that low…
her hair is the same color as her face…she looks like she is bald! ew.
Horse face and over bleached hair. I guess that makes her a palomino, only uglier and a horse probably smells better and has way more personality and doesn’t have a douch bag riding it and…
I love how you explain in detail about your morbid depression, nervous breakdowns, your life being “scary and limitless” and your “out of your head” suicidal craziness and then (3 or 4 posts earlier) invite everyone to come hang out with you tonight at an open bar.
… sign me up for that shit!
Woo Hoo…. BYOG! (Bring Your Own Gun)
Are her ROOTS more bleached than the rest of her hair? Does she like sweat bleach or something? I saw this girl in philly the other day with white white hair and she looked adorable. This is not the case.
Heh, I though it was John McCain as well. Not a good look, Heidi.
I’m glad other people thought it was John McCain too, hahaha.
Why would anyone emulate Cindy McCain’s “look?” WHY? Oh, she is probably practicing her political look for when Spencer runs for office, in their deluded realm of existence.
I don’t know what you have gone through but it sounds like you’re almost through totally to the good side and I feel very happy for you even though I don’t know you. Your style of writing is hilarious and raises me up on bad days. I love the fact that you’re living in the Pacific Northwest. I hope your life gets more and more beautiful by the day. (But that you never stop seeing the irony the way you do!)
Beet, no matter how bad you think your life is remember there are millions of people that have it a lot worse.
Now suck it up you rich white girl. You have the world by the tail compared to a lot of other people. Get laid. Eat some pizza. Don’t smoke.
Totally feel you on the color Beet. After the birth of my son I was desperate to feel “sexy” again & had the bad judgement (post partum?) to go with the platinum ‘do. After my hair broke off at odd places, I have since gone with a more natural hue. Glad I am not the only one! Things do get better :)
Have you ever read something and been like “Oh shit that person is describing me…I thought I heard a noise outside my window last night” Well I just had one of those…You just penned my I have had the feeling that I need to dye my hair blonde…I’ve never had this feeling It just happened…and yes I’m in the middle of an emotional breakdown…Sigh…
re; plath
i love your poetry. i think you’d look good blonde.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my eyes and all is born again.
Sylvia Plath
Who is this HAG anyways !