Why Would I Want to Look Like Me?

Ashlee Simpson got a ton of work done. It’s just a fact. And it’s not the type of work where you say “Hey, has this chick changed something?”

No, it’s the type of work you’d get done in Tijuana whorehouse if you’d lost your family fortune in a cockfight and were on the run from La Migra. So, no, it’s not great work. But now she’s spoken, to People, and she’s got a lot to say.

while (Ashlee) doesn’t talk specifically about how she’s changed her appearance, she emphasizes that any little fixes were not acts of self-loathing. “I loved how I looked,” she says. “I’m not an insecure person, nor was I before.”

No, totally not. You just didn’t want to look like you anymore. You wanted to look like someone else. Does that make you insecure? No, not at all. Maybe you want to rob banks. Maybe when you look in the mirror you see a man. The “little change” of not looking like you anymore isn’t about anything going on with you, no problemo.

She also knows not to worry about what other people think of her looks. “Everybody always has an opinion,” she says. “One minute they’ll love you; one minute they’ll hate you.

I don’t love or hate Ashlee. I simply don’t care. I care enough to make fun of her in this article and then it will be ages until I think of her again. And, hey; it’s not what people think of her looks, it’s that people have noted she now looks like an alien. Completely different conversation PEOPLE magazine, you bastion of power-packed journalism.

What about critics who says she’s trying to look like big sister Jessica? “Of course I look like her. She’s my sister,” she says with a laugh. “It’s like, God, please! We think it’s quite funny.”

Other things Jessica Simpson finds funny: Shiny objects, eating paste.