Miley Cyrus has got another open letter, but it’s not from Sinead O’Connor this time. No, instead it’s from indie musician Sufjan Stevens, who I used to listen to back in my ~cool indie college phase~ but haven’t really thought of in years. His letter to Miley was on the humourous side, and was meant to poke fun at the structure of some of the songs on Bangerz. This is all fine and well and “ha ha” (though not in any actual way) but… why?
Here’s the letter, which he published on his “ghetto blog” (WHAT?):
Dear Miley. I can’t stop listening to #GetItRight (great song, great message, great body), but maybe you need a quick grammar lesson. One particular line causes concern: “I been laying in this bed all night long.” Miley, technically speaking, you’ve been LYING, not LAYING, an irregular verb form that should only be used when there’s an object, i.e. “I been laying my tired booty on this bed all night long.” Whatever. I’m not the best lyricist, but you know what I mean. #Get It Right The Next Time. But don’t worry, even Faulkner messed it up. We all make mistakes, and surely this isn’t your worst misdemeanor. But also, Miley, did you know the tense here is also totally wrong. Surely you’ve heard of Present Perfect Continuous Tense (I HAVE BEEN LYING in this bed all night long [hopefully getting some beauty sleep?]). It’s a weird, equivocal, almost purgatorial tense, not quite present, not quite past, not quite here, not quite there. Somewhere in between. I feel that way all the time. It kind of sucks. But I have a feeling your “present perfect continuous” involves a lot more excitement than mine. Anyway, doesn’t that also sum up your career right now? Present. Perfect. Continuous. And Tense. Intense? Girl, you work it like Mike Tyson. Miley, I love you because you’re the Queen, grammatically and anatomically speaking. And you’re the hottest cake in the pan. Don’t ever grow old. Live brightly before your fire fades into total darkness. XXOO Sufjan
I mean… LOL? I don’t know, it just seems kind of pointless to me. If he wants to nitpick about grammar in pop music, he’s got quite a few letters to be writing, don’t you think? Not a fan of this.