No One Wants the Real World in Brooklyn

The Real World: Brooklyn?

Seriously?

Look. I’ve lived in Brooklyn. And, while I found it to be lovely and the people to be extremely friendly, it’s a lot farther from the glitz and glamour of Manhattan than the infamous F train would lead you to believe (20 minutes to Manhattan? Sure, after you’ve waited 30 minutes for the train. Which is running on the G line tonight. Without any notice. So you’re actually going to go to Queens first, but don’t worry, you can pick up the 7 at Court. The smelly man playing the bongos will direct you when you get there. That’ll take you to Grand Central, where you should be careful, because there’s a bag of human feces in the elevator. What? What’s the problem? It’s totally only 20 minutes to Manhattan.).

Brooklynites tend to have moved there for a reason: to avoid the insanity of Manhattan, and all the annoying, drunken, dolled-up, stupid twenty-something famewhore wannabes that come along with it. And then MTV is all like “Don’t worry, Brooklyn! We’re bringing stupid back!” And they’re pissed.

JUDGING by the crowd at the Brooklyn Academy of Music the other night, locals are none too thrilled that MTV’s “Real World” plans to move in. When Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz – while introducing the film “American Teen” at the opening of Sundance at BAM – welcomed the “reality” show, the response from the audience was an emphatic “Boo.”

Man, I remember this one time, in college, we were driving down to Mexico, because, ya know, we could drink legally there. We must have been pretty stoned. We were trying to think of fun places for The Real World to be held. My boyfriend at the time was like, “Definitely Chiapas. The Real World: Chiapas.” We laughed about that for, like, the next two years. It seems less funny now, but, at the time, it was like the funniest thing that had ever been said in the history of mankind. I need to smoke more weed, I guess. I’m getting dull in my old age.