Kristen Stewart Wants Sparkly New Boobies

So it’s from the Enquirer, so we’re going to take it all with a grain of salt, but there’s a part of me that really, really wants to believe it out of sheer absurdity. Ahem. From the Enquirer:

In a desperate big to hold on to the love of her life, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart is going for bust – with a boob job! Rob and Kristen is at a critical crossroads following the end of their Twilight series, and Kristen is frightened that unless she does something radical, Robert will kick her to the curb, say source.

“Kristen is terrified that Rob is going to leave her for someone else,” revealed an insider. “She has always been insecure about her boobs, and she is totally convinced Rob would find it a massive turn-on if she had even a subtle size increase.”

“Whenever they’re out together, she’s always on high alert to see which girls seem to capture his attention, and they’re always girls with big boobs. She’s scared he may leave her for one of them. It’s an unhealthy obsession she can’t get out of her head.”

Kristen – who in the past complained she looks “like a boy” – isn’t the typical cosmetic breast surgery candidate, said a close source. “This is a girl whose makeup artist has to beg her to wear red lipstick and who prefers sneakers. But she’s desperate to hang on to Rob, and thinks a breast augmentation will do the trick.”

Can you guys imagine Kristen Stewart with a huge, heaving rack of tits? I sure can’t. She’s just too tomboyish for boobs a la Kate Upton. If you can’t remember what Kristen’s sweet little titlets look like, jump in for a NSFW screenshot from ‘On the Road’. I dare you.