Rihanna Wants a Baby Now, Naturally, is Also Marrying Chris Brown Soon

Just when you thought that business couldn’t get any more ridiculous between Chris Brown and Rihanna, it does. Because Rihanna supposedly wants this baby with Chris, because duh, a baby makes domestic violence in relationships totally go away. From Entertainmentwise:

“She [Rihanna] asked her record company when the best time would be for her to take off, as she wants a baby,” an insider revealed to Closer. “They just stared at her. Everyone was pretty open-mouthed. But she hasn’t got any time free in her diary until 2014.”

With the singer’s record of releasing a new album every year not to mention her touring, it could be a while before she has time to even think about settling down.

Meanwhile whilst babies could be a long way off, there are further rumours Rihanna could be walking down the aisle at the end of the year. The star has allegedly told friends to keep New Year’s Eve free, with pals convinced the couple are planning a surprise wedding.

Not everyone’s happy with the reunion though as the source goes onto say that Rihanna’s mum Monica Braithwaite is allegedly doing everything she can to stop the pair getting anymore serious: “She called Rihanna to yell at her, asking what she’s doing with her life,” a source explained.

“They’ve been blowing up over the Chris issue for weeks now. Her mom has told her not to waste any time on Chris and said, ‘Is this the type of man you want as your baby’s dad? He’s acting just like your dad used to.'”

Not that her mum’s opinion seems to matter to RiRi: “This has made Rihanna even more determined to marry him,” the source insists.

A rep for Rihanna has been contacted for comment.

So I know that I said earlier how Gwyneth Paltrow is married to Chris Brown, but I was dead wrong, guys, and I’m sorry for any kind of confusion that caused. But Gwyneth Paltrow being married to Chris Brown is way, way less bizarre a notion than Chris Brown impregnating Rihanna, and then knocking her up with a tiny, angry Chris Brown fetus. I don’t know. I don’t know what else. This story just stops here, because unless Chris Brown beats the snot out of Rihanna once again, there’s really no reason to continue talking about these two morons, am I right?