From Entertainmentwise:
… [Robert Pattinson is] reportedly keen to transform his image and wants to completely change his appearance. Insiders have said that Rob ‘wants to look and feel different as he starts life as a single man’ and ‘reportedly hopes his improved image will make Kristen regret straying’.
“Rob wants to show Kristen what she’s thrown away,” an insider revealed to Look magazine.
They then added, “He’s spent a fortune in the past two weeks on his hair, teeth whitening and a spray tan. He’s bought an array of Gucci suits, which cost £2,000 a pop and he’s stepping up his exercise regime with trainer Tamsyn Hamilton to get in shape.”
So I’m all about the breakup-makeover revenge. I really am. Sometimes it feels really good to stick it in your ex’s eye, saying, “F-ck you, you weren’t good enough to get the ‘hot’ me while we were together,” even though it’s generally not true, but I think in this case, if it’s a real thing, it’s kind of unnecessary. I mean, honestly. You’ve all seen what Kristen Stewart looks like these days (here’s a hint—this:
She’s wearing Rob‘s hat, backpack, and a ring he gave her. She’s definitely not moving on, and I think—I think—she just might be regretting the affair something hardcore). Rob getting a squeaky-clean makeover is only going to make things worse for Kristen, and if that’s what he’s going for, well. Then I would say that it’s going to work out brilliantly. If not, maybe he should reconsider and throw the hoodie and stained hat back on, because guys. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson probably belong together.
Spray tan? Mmmm orange sheets. Attractive.
It was all sounding good until “spray tan”.
It all sounds real good until we remember what a young girl Kristin Stewart is, and for that matter, what a young girl Rob Pattinson is, too! (JOKE people!).
But seriously, this might be Miss Stewart’s first real, gut-twisting, hot-coals-in-the-stomach-can’t-eat breakup. Everyone needs to have one of those just in order to teach us all that pain is real and that we should try not to cause any.
Be careful of falling for someone who has never been hurt by a breakup/divorce. They won’t have the close association of behaving badly (screwing your director basically under your boyfriend’s nose, humiliating him as well as just plain sticking a knife in his guts, for instance) and dealing someone else pain.
You never forget that first serious breakup, believe me. I’m 71 yrs old and I remember mine like it was yesterday. It was 50 years ago.
It’s a valuable lesson in humanity. And I don’t know how much all of the suits and trinkets and spray-tan will help Mr. Pattinson. But it’s fun to be rich enough so that when you cry, your Brioni gets wet instead of your Edelbrock carburetors t-shirt. And that’s your best t-shirt, too. How does THAT guy get a makeover?
50 beers and a margarita pitcher in the face. An empty one if he’s lucky.