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THE COSTUME BALL!!!

May 6, 2008
Evil Beet
Uncategorized
24 Comments

OMG this is like my favorite event of the YEAR!!!

I would have written this post earlier, except the cable man came today to install cable and my new DVR, and it was like a precious angel descended from heaven in the form of a very friendly large black man and made it possible, for the first time in four months, for me to watch television efficiently again. Oh, joy joy joy! Watching House for the first time in four months is like having your husband return from Iraq. I feel whole again, like my best friend has come back into my life after a long and painful absence.

So anyway.

Let’s get to the dresses, shall we????

I’ll start with the best, then move on to the worst, and all the rest are in thumbnails after the jump.

THE BEST

Here’s Bee Shafer, Anna Wintour’s daughter. I adore this dress. I like that it manages to be both old-school and modern, and the color and embroidery are stunning.

Forget Mary-Kate; they didn’t pose for photos separately, but Ashley Olsen is looking absolutely stunning lately. She looks healthy, happy, natural, womanly, serene, and just overall fucking incredible. It’s such a joy to see after so many years of her looking like a bag lady.

Eva Longoria. Stunning. That dress is a work of art. I want to go swimming in it. Incredible.

Christina Ricci. I love this dress because it manages to be unique, shapely, fresh, and sexy without looking ridiculous. It was definitely a big risk, but I think it looks great.

Now for the fun part:

THE WORST

Piper Perabo. Um, talk about Coyote Ugly. You would not want to wake up next to this. Here’s what’s most appalling about this look: the art-deco dress, the Princess Leia hair, the high-school goth makeup, the space-age purse and the mismatched earrings. Yup, I think that about covers it. And thank God we can’t see her shoes, because I’m sure they’re, like, clogs or something. Who the fuck invites Piper Perabo to this event anyway?

Zoe Kravitz. Normally I adore Zoe, but here she looks like a little girl who rummaged through her mother’s closet. The dress doesn’t fit her, and the boa with the tassels? Did a stripper just graduate from college?

Kimora Lee. This is a costume ball, Kimora, not a Mexican restaurant. But I suppose it’s a success in that it totally distracts from your face.

Fergie. No surprise here. She looks like she killed Morticia Addams on the way to the ball. And what’s with the fat rolls over your boobs, Fergie? Maybe you should get back to the gym and be workin’ on your fitness. Or, ya know, get a dress that fits next time.

The only thing I hate more than Jessica Stam is Jessica Stam’s shoes. Why does she always insist on wearing those horrendous creations? They are flattering on nobody, nobody, nobody. They look like medieval torture devices. And red toenail polish with that outfit? How high are you, Jessica?

Okay, I think I’m done now.

There’s like 100 more photos after the jump, of everybody who’s anybody who’s not Paris, Lindsay or Britney. Britney’s in LA preparing for her court date tomorrow. Lindsay’s getting high with Samantha Ronson, and Paris — well — I don’t know why Paris isn’t there, but I’m just going to shut up and be grateful for it.

24 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Oh my god! Mischa is wearing a sack, and I’ve never seen Naomi Watts dressed that badly! Victoria Beckhams awful dress was somehow apprehended. George Clooneys “lady” looks nothing like a lady but rather something of a high class hooker but i just want to eat Blake Lively up. Kristin Davis dress wasn’t all that but is something I wouldn’t mind wearing if I were to go to an event such as this; sweet but a little bit understated (by comparizon). No, I changed my mind, I want Sarah Silvermens dress, I actually got one quite like it yesterday!

  • On Kimora: Forget distracting from her face. I’ll take anything that takes the focus off of her neck. She is in dire need of as neck lift and possibly neck lipo, if they even do that. I’ve never seen anyone carry all of their (baby?) weight in their neck. It’s just bizarre………..neck. :)

  • I love how Kimora thinks she’s total diva status.

    @BeetJockin : HELL YES. I thought i was the only one that ever noticed it. Ugh. gross.

    @Beet On longoria’s dress: Took the words right outa my mouth.

  • Also, and since there’s no edit button here I’d like to add that fergie is GROSS.
    That’ll be all, thanks.

  • Kamora is a monster. She is wierdly fat in all the wrong places. And she thinks she is a diva for walking one runway in her life and bearing a richmans children. She is a joke as a mom, a professional and a person.
    And she is a monster.

  • So many photos, so many comments:

    Why did Katie wear those shoes with that dress? I’m all for taking colour chances but that was just a bad idea. You’d think Tom would have said something. Maybe he’s not gay.

    Gisele is dressed rather whorish for this and Tom Brady just might be the missing link.

    Mischa is wearing a sack and Naomi’s dress might be nice if it didn’t have that star on it.

    JLo’s is nice, as is Molly Sims’.

    George’s cheap-ass girlfriend looks like she bought her dress at the mall and her face is lighter than her body. I hate that.

    Amanda Peet usually does better and I don’t like Christina Ricci’s dress at all. It looks like it’s difficult to pee in.

    I like Dita’s dress.

    Jennifer Connelly looks terrible. You don’t wear a necklace that big with a neckline like that and the shoes are…. they could be nice with pants but they just don’t work there.

    I do absolutely love Anna Wintour’s daughter’s dress. It’s a fairy tale dress. Anna’s dress however, came from the Dynasty wardrobe department. It probably still smells of Forever Krystal.

    Iman’s dress is nice but looks like an upscale bridesmaid’s dress.

    Janet Jackson’s dress is ok, I guess, but check out her shoes. It looks like she’s wearing platforms or something clunky.

    Hillary Duff’s boyfriend is ooglay!!!

    I don’t know what’s worse, Mary J.’s tattoo or blonde hair.

    Eva Amarri (sp??)’s dress doesn’t fit in the chest. It looks like it probably hurts to breathe.

    I also like Sarah Silverman’s dress and she nailed it with the shoes.

    Tilda Swinton’s “fashion” sense frightens me. Even for as bad as she dresses, how could she not have had a problem with the hem length?

    Ivanka’s dress is nice but a little too boob-ish for a “business woman.”

    Beyonce looks great.

    Piper Perabo either needs to fire her stylist or hire a stylist. I don’t know what she normally looks like but it’s gotta be better than that mess.

    The less said about the Versace ladies, the better. We’ll let medical science worry about them.

    Oh God, more pictures please, I can criticize all the live long day!!!!

  • first: Persistent cat is an awesome name
    second: ommg i loooove bee schafer’s dress. no idea who she is… but the dresss i waaant one!!

    haha, kimora. why is she on tv? like seriously? the dress is kinda cool. like, i would wear it to the grocery store or something. it would be cool.

  • I’m guessing Katie wore those colors to evoke traditional superhero costumes (Spiderman, Captain America, Wonder Woman). The dress is super over the top glitzy, too, which makes me think she’s just having fun with it. The name of the event was, after all “Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy”.

    Same with Naomi’s dress. It’s cut and draped beautifully, and the star just makes it fun for the event.

    Beet, how could you put Jessica Stam in the bottom over Mischa? That dress is a tragedy. Stam at least looks nice, even if the shoes are creepy.

    Christina Ricci’s dress looks awesome, but I want to see it move. I want to see her sit down in it. Looks uncomfy.

    Love the black design on Dita’s dress, but she’s been watching too much Dancing With the Stars. I hate the feathery ballroom poofs. You shed everywhere.

    Jennifer Connelly looks like a Romulan with those huge shoulder things. Ick. The chunky jewelry doesn’t help anything.

    I like Maggie Gyllenhall’s dress a lot. Seems like everyone went for purple. I like Ivanka, too. She did the “fantasy” theme really well, and I love how the dress is like a burst out from the center.

    Michelle Trachtenburg’s outfit bothers me. At least her makeup is lovely.

    Fergie looks crappy (as usual) but I’m feeling the evil villainess vibe. Actually, in the pic from the side the dress looks pretty nifty, with the train.

    I don’t hate Hilary Duff’s dress. I do hate Amber Valetta’s dress.

  • Stop stealing my name! Change the name before you comment. (The real Asta is the second one above.)

  • wow some dresses are really nice but then we get to people like Kimora who look like a train wreck…what the hell was she thinking?…it looks like she gained some weight and her hairline was moved a couple inc’s back..just a plain old train wreak is what she looks like

  • They are all shinning“`they are very popular with beautiful people and wealthy singles at Rich romances.com. I guess they get many winks per day… Good luck! beautiful leadies!!

  • Wow, For ya’ll to rank on Kimora like that really says alot and really shows jealously. And for the record, the dress has nothing to do with Mexico @ all. And for the comment about her walking one runway, you have got to be out of your mind. She got discover when she was 13 by Lagerfeld (if your ignorant butt even knows who that is) and began modeling for Chanel. And I’m not even going to comment on the ignorant remark about her parenting skills being a joke. When you can run a billion-dollar company, be mom, and live a Fabulous life like her, then you can talk shit! She’s the one standing walking with her head up high, and way more successful then you will ever be you pathetic ass life. So find something or someone else to talk about, which won’t be hard once you look in the mirror!

  • Why do you hate Jessica Stam so much? Do you know her personally? Do the two of you have some sort of past together? Did she offend you?

  • I MYSELF AM A BIG FAN OF COLOR BUT WHEN I SAY SOMETHING IS TOO MUCH REALLY MEANS ITS OVERBOARD….. IT REALLY IRRITATES ME WHEN CELEBS THAT HAVE SO MUCH MONEY HAVE A HORRIBLE SENSE OF FASHION… THEY BUY THE UGLIEST CLOTHES FOR THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS….MY CLOTHES FROM TJ MAX LOOKS WAY BETTER THAN THEIRS…LOL…COME ON KIMORA YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE A TOP NOTCH DESIGNER AND THAT DRESS WAS THE BEST YOU COULD COME UP WITH???? IDK YOU PROBABLY LOST A BET OR SOMETHIN… MAYBE IF THEY PAY THEM MORE THEY CAN FINALLY GET LESSONS ON HOW TO BE A REAL FASHIONISTA…

  • JESSICA STAM OR KIMORA IS MUCH BETTER THAN U STOP COMPLAINING THEM:P YR BEST IS IN FAIRY TALE!! U, VAGABOND

  • DID U WATCH E CHANNEL??
    SHE WAS IN A RUSH
    VOGUE FLEW TO MEET HER AND HELP HER FIGURED OUT
    BECAUSE U, PEOPLE, HAVE NO TASTE:P

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