After poor Fred Willard was caught masturbating in an adult movie theater, everyone had the same exact thought: has Fred Willard never heard of the internet? It’s pretty common knowledge that a large chunk of the internet is devoted to porn, isn’t it? Even my dad, who still isn’t too clear on how to sign into his email account that I helped him set up, maintains that since he knows how to play solitaire and how to look at porn, he doesn’t need to learn anything else about computers. Everyone knows how quick and easy it is to watch your adult entertainment online.
But, just in case Fred wasn’t aware, the lovely people at YouPorn wrote a very sweet letter to him, offering to buy a computer, install it for him, and teach him the ropes. How very kind!
Here’s the letter in full:
Dear Mr. Willard,
We are so very sorry to hear about your recent run in with the law at the Tiki Theatre, and getting caught with “your pants down”. We can imagine that all of this press has probably been quite embarrassing for you.
We are very impressed that at your age you still have such a strong, and healthy libido Fred! That’s why we wanted to educate you a little more on some of society’s newest advances to help you achieve orgasm from the privacy of your own home!
First there is our website, youporn.com which is found on a place called the “internet”. Some people say that former Vice President of the United States, Al Gore invented it, (but that’s a whole different discussion). The website can be accessed through a machine called a “computer” and it’s connected these days via a cable modem that’s provided by your local cable company. The computer has a television monitor attached to it so you may view any adult related material in the privacy of your own home! Also, a side benefit of owning a computer is that you can actually communicate with other people, but many of our members don’t choose to do that.
Our website is 100% free and features thousands of video clips of people having sex. Every niche you can imagine is featured on youporn.com.
We’d like to buy you a home computer and have one of our youporn.com representatives come to your home to install it for you now that you may have some downtime. We’d also love for you to join the millions of fans who “come” on our site daily, and possibly become our new spokesperson.
Best Regards,
Corey Price
What a lovely gentleman, right? It’s so good to know that there are still truly generous people in this world!
Pee Wee Herman…Black jacket, white shirt, red tie. Fred Willard…Black jacket, white shirt, red tie.
Yeah. I’d have done that too.
Poor Fred. I like him too. :/
@blasted1: LOL you’re right! 8)
Who else wears that?
Why … Charlie Sheen does! (from posh24)
Yahoo answers says this is what you wear to match a red dress.
Obama did. *snort*
A Korean boy-band: DBSK aka Dong Bang Shin Ki which means Rising Gods of the East does. And the site says they look like Mafia hitmen.
A Shugo Chara Amu Hinamori Cosplay outfit *wolf whistle*
Hunh. Almost no one wears that outfit. Interesting. :)
(Although I think it was an ’80’s era power-suit combo.)