Caitlyn Jenner officially left behind the name Bruce a couple of months ago, but coming out as who she is and really embracing her identity as a transgender woman hasn’t particularly been easy. In fact, it’s been just the opposite, since despite the incredible amount of support she’s received in the midst of her transition, as she still has a lot to work through within herself. With that in mind, it’s no surprise to hear that Caitlyn actually cried when she officially changed her name.
The new edition of Out magazine features an interview with Caitlyn that took place in September, just a few days after her paperwork for the name change came through.
“Here we are – honestly never knowing if this day would ever come. In some ways, it’s a little sad. Bruce was a good guy, did a lot of good things, raised a tremendous family and wonderful kids. But I just couldn’t play that game any longer,” Jenner said.
“I actually cried a little bit about it. I was on the golf course, off playing by myself. It was very exciting, but such a head trip,” said Jenner.
Having watched Caitlyn’s E! reality series, I’m definitely struck by her struggle to come to terms with her identity. In many ways, Caitlyn seems almost unwilling to give Bruce up, likely because becoming a completely new person after 60+ years on this earth isn’t easy, no matter if it’s the person you were always meant to be or not. I think there’s a lot of internalized transphobia in her life, and she doesn’t fully accept herself yet as Caitlyn, but I can’t speak to the transgender experience because I’ve never been through it.
At the very least, I can appreciate how emotional it must be. I just hope she continues to surround herself with good people who can help her embrace herself as she is now, and maybe open her world view a bit to make her appreciate just how good she has it.