Reminder: Laura Prepon Is An Insane Scientologist

You might be having a grand old time enjoying Laura Prepon as Alex Vause on Orange is the New Black, but I thought I’d take this opportunity to remind you that in real life, Laura is actually a devoted Scientologist who did an INSANE and non-sensical interview for the Church’s Celebrity Magazine. Because yes, Scientology has its own celeb rag.

I’ll warn you now that none of this will make any sense to you (unless, of course, you’re also a Scientologist, in which case, why are you here?!), but nonetheless, we must trudge forward, because Laura has some Big Things she wants to talk about.

On how she got into Scientology in the first place: So when I first got into Scientology, I did Personal Values and Integrity and then Overcoming Ups and Downs in Life. These courses touched on the observations I was aware of when I was younger. It was right there in black and white. It was amazing, and I felt that finally something was speaking my language. It totally connected with me. Pretty soon after that I got onto the Purification Rundown, and I started moving up the Bridge.

On how “auditing” has changed her: Honestly, I’ve become more me. The auditing has stripped away all of this charge, false ideas, decisions and mis-emotions that were affecting me. I recently had one of my biggest cognitions in a New Era Dianetics session. I spotted this decision I made a long time ago that was affecting me to this day. It was a huge realization. At the time of the incident, you make a postulate as a “pro-survival” decision, you know? Then to spot it years and years later, after peeling away these layers and then—boom, there it is—it’s mind blowing! To think of it just hiding there in my bank, affecting me.

On how she’s so zen, all of Hollywood wants to know her secrets: When I was doing my Objectives, I was handling some intense stuff—as everyone who has done Objectives can relate to. I remember talking to my Supervisor about how my auditing was going. I told him the wins were so amazing. I kept pushing through and confronting things. The LRH data he showed me totally changed my viewpoint on auditing. It explained that in session, you’re supposed to turn on things that at times aren’t easy to go through. You’re supposed to be restimulated and uncomfortable at times, because you move through it in session, so that when you are out in the world things happen, you’re not affected. It was like this eureka moment for me. I’d never thought about it like that. And that’s exactly what happened. In my life, things have become much easier, I’m not affected like I used to be. Things don’t bother me that had before. I don’t react like I did before. I remember I was doing a show with an amazing actor, and we were waiting to hear the fate of our show. He turned to me one day and asked, “How are you always so relaxed? Nothing seems to bother you. I want to know what you are doing…”—I take that as such a compliment and testament to the auditing I have done.

Christ almighty (or Xenu almighty?) – it goes on from there, but I’ll let you decide for yourself if you can take any more Scientology drivel or if you’d rather end things here. WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS EVEN MEAN? How can seemingly sane, rational people buy into this ridiculous cult?