Jada Pinkett Smith has always seemed like a closeted lesbian to me, and her marriage to Will Smith has been rumoured to be a sham pretty much since it began. Of course, I (and everyone else born with functioning eyes and brains) could be wrong, and that’s just fine, but interestingly enough, Jada took to her Facebook page earlier this month to question aloud why so many of “her friends” are embarking on lesbian relationships as they hit their 40s.
Before I begin…I want to make one thing clear. It’s important that you know that I believe love comes in ALL forms. I believe a person should love WHOMEVER…HOWEVER they choose. But…I do have a question.
In the last month, three women, in their 40s, coming out of long term relationships with men have confided in me that they now feel that their last resort for companionship is that with a woman. These are women who have never engaged in or even desired to be in intimate relationships with other women. Now these women feel as though they have no other option. It seems as if there is a spike in same sex love all around. What is changing in which how men and women are relating to one another, that is creating same sex love as a LAST RESORT for heterosexual women?
You…tell…me.
Methinks, once again as it always is in situations like this, that the lady doth protest too much. To say that you support all types of relationships and then to use language that’s obviously attempts to cheapen or disregard certain ones (“last resort for companionship”?) is ridonk. There are lots of reasons women (or men!) might not come into themselves sexually – or at least be able to express physically what they’ve always known about themselves – until they are older. Especially when there are people in the world who would discriminate against you, hate you or at the very least talk shit about your life as if they had to live it if you were to come out and be honest about the fact that, hey! you’re a woman who loves another woman or a man who loves a man. What the hell difference does it make? It’s 2013, but I sometimes feel like it’s f-cking caveman times.
Also, how in the world does Jada know if a woman has ever desired to be with another woman? Like this chick knows everyone’s deepest desire of their souls? Newsflash: If they only just felt confident embarking on these new relationships, chances are they kept the desire secret for many years, or they would have done it sooner. Obviously there are the experimenters (I’ve known my share) but that’s a college thing, not a mid-life crisis thing.
I would never force someone out of the closet before they were ready, but if it put Jada on the path to self-acceptance and made her stop talking utter nonsense, I’d be all for it.
I’ve known of several women who began having lesbian relationships around middle age. If you think about it in terms of evolution it makes perfect sense, really: once a woman is no longer able to bear children they begin to prefer the company of women over men, leaving what could (evolutionarily) be a small handful of men to turn their attentions to the females who are able to procreate. Pretty logical, actually.
I think you’re maybe misreading her point. To me, it seems like she’s fine with lesbian and gay relationships, whenever they arise. It seems like she’s questioning women who are actually saying they dating another woman is a “last resort” for them (not her saying it’s a last resort.) Namely, them dating women when they’ve never had and maybe don’t even have now any particularly lesbian tendencies before and are doing so because of a perceived failing in heterosexual relationships. It doesn’t seem like she’s judging women who actually do realise in their 40s they’re lesbian/bisexual, or think they might be. There’s a distinction.
(If she was slagging off those who come out in later life, that’s something else entirely and obviously wrong.)
Also I usually enjoy what you have to say but your assumptions of her sexuality seem very presumptuous, as does your statement that people don’t experiment as a mid-life thing. If anything, the end of a relationship + mid-life crisis = a prime ground for sexual experimentation, at least in my view.
*saying that
It is clear that you Jenn are very passionate about feminism and gay rights, and I dare say the majority of people here share your convictions, but it seems that you are a little defensive. Rightfully so – people out there tend to be very ignorant and intolerant when it comes to same sex relationships, but you must know that not all straight people are gay haters (or that all men are not misogynistic pigs). I also think you misread her statement.
I am a straight woman who loved men and I am rather traditional, but I truly believe in the inherit equality of gay people in all forms, and I believe ALL people should be able to legally marry each other, sleep with whoever they choose, wear anything they want, as long as they don’t hurt other people, and I mean “hurt” in the most obvious sense, not in the bullshit prude/religious/narrow minded sense. I respect and admire gay people, and I do my best to how it to them, and to state my acceptance and solidarity to society when there’s a need.
However, that doesn’t mean that I necessarily understand what it is to be gay. It’s a very practical thing. I have purely technical questions about how it all works, and I know in my heart that I am not cheapening or disregarding this type of sexuality – or feeling – it’s just I can only partially understand it, since I have never experienced it. I think Jada comes from the same point of view. And if you think this offensive, let us know – how can we straight women can be simply curious and puzzled without offending anyone?!
* loves men, haha
I seem to be the only one who agrees with Jennifer on this one. Everyone’s sexual identity if fluid, if left to our own devices without any external influence there would be A LOT of ‘bi’, ‘experimental’ and other labeled behaviors that didn’t fit neatly into straight or gay. This is what people dont’ get and this is why her comments are totally stupid. She doesn’t know what these women hid or dreamed of or fantasized about. Also, I highly doubt any straight woman hits her 40’s and goes ‘you know, I haven’t found the right guy so without any actual sexual attraction on my part I’m giong to try girls!” That just doesn’t happen, you don’t try what you haven’t been craving….
Oh, and she is totally straight, just very masculine. As is KStew, despite of all the talk in gay community about her being so pale because there’s no light in the closet.
I believe that straight sexuality is also a spectrum and different people just are in different points in it, depending on all sorts of factors, both physical and societal.
Jada is questioning HERSELF and it’s very transparent, in my opinion. No, no, Jada…YOU tell US when you put it out there on Facebook.
Some lesbian/bisexual women in their 40’s have repented and prefer to be straight and no longer desire the lifestyle.
it is very sad that this world has taken a turn for the worse when many women nowadays are leaving their husbands for another woman instead, and it seems that the lesbian population has increased dramatically over the years. i have noticed myself since i seem to meet women that are very mean to us men when many of us will try to start a conversation with the one that we would really like to meet, and then curse at us. i had this happen to me, and i know other men that this has happened too. a very good reason why many of us good straight men can’t seem to meet a good woman anymore.
I have always kind of wondered about Jada. I’m now in my forty’s. I kept the Husband ..but lost the weight and now I am able to get more done cause I feel so much better.
she is not one i think.
Very common nowadays, and no surprise there.
Perhaps one reason is that when a man enters his 40’s, his libido isn’t usually as energetic as it once was. If there are problems with impotency, the woman may get frustrated and turn to another woman because no such issue exists between two women. I could be wrong, but it’s just a guess.
Wow, that Jada is certainly one deep thinker