Jessica Simpson’s Boobs Are Probably Going to Explode

So Jessica Simpson posted this photo on Twitter yesterday, and she captioned it “fun in the sun.” And I’m sure she was excited about her vacation, and I know she likes to share personal photos on Twitter, but all I can think about are her boobs. Does that make me a bad person?

I sort of have this fear of pregnancy boobs. See, my sister got pregnant with her first kid when I was 10, and I was convinced that it was my duty to read through all of the books that she got to teach her about that special time. So I read What to Expect When You’re Expecting in between The Babysitters Club, and I kept learning that during pregnancy, and then during nursing, your boobs can grow A LOT. I was already an early bloomer (one day in fifth grade I decided I didn’t want to wear a bra for once, and my teacher had to have a little talk with me about appropriateness), and I was already used to being teased for it, so I just got this horrible image of being ALL BOOB, and literally toppling over, and having everyone in the world call me Big Boob Girl, my beloved second grade nickname.

The fear stuck though, and while I don’t worry about toppling over anymore, I worry about having to buy new bras, which are stupid expensive now anyway, and having my clothes not fit right. Oh, and about my boobs strangling me in my sleep. You know, more realistic things.

But anyway, Jessica Simpson just reignites that terrible fear in me, but at the same time, hey, boobs. Everybody loves boobs. Come get you an eye full of boob!