“I do want to do more acting. I want to do something where I can really sink my teeth into something a little more challenging. Really outside of myself, outside of music. I sort of had this personal aspiration to do film, but I said, ‘I never want to do a musical!’ It’s too much like myself. I want it to be honest and genuine in expanding my wings and doing something really, really different. A crackhead on the street or a drug addict. Or something crazy and meaty and juicy. Something that really took me out of myself.”
– Christina Aguilera explains how she wants to do a movie about some sort of drug but definitely not Burlesque again.
Ok, let’s really think this one through, all right? Christina Aguilera wants to play the beloved role of “a crackhead on the street,” but Christina Aguilera is no Meryl Streep. And while she had said that she never wanted to do a musical, she clearly doesn’t understand that some musicals can be “crazy and meaty and juicy.” So what’s the answer?
We write a musical just for Christina. Lots of heavy stuff, lots of crack, and lots of streets: like Next to Normal, but with crack. It’ll be a hit, she’ll win a Tony, and her wildest dreams will come true! But most importantly, we’ll get to hear Christina Aguilera sing about being a crackhead. And there is absolutely nothing that would be better than that.