Quotables: Russell Brand Talks Katy Perry Split Again

“Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it don’t, but if you sort of sense there’s an incompatibility, then in any relationship regardless of the status of the individual, it kind of is best to go separate ways. I think if you’re someone who’s really into mountain biking, it would be good to go out with someone else who’s into mountain biking, and if you’re really into Eastern mysticism, go out with someone else who into Eastern mysticism. I think if you’re a devoted tennis professional and you get married to a crystal meth addict, you might have trouble … I’ve been in a lot of trouble.”

So … what’s he saying? Does Katy like mountain biking? Did they break up over mountain biking? Because man, I know that if I were married to someone who was always up my ass to go mountain biking (I’m not a fan of mountain biking, or, to be quite honest, exercising much in any form—I’m more of a, “Hey, you go mountain biking, and while you’re gone, I’ll cook a lovely dinner and homemade apple pie, and after dinner, we could watch reruns of I Love Lucy” or some shit and oh by the way I’m going to stay in my pajamas and drink wine the entire damn time, OK?”), then jeez. I’d divorce their sorry exercise-maniac self, too. Gosh.

No, but seriously. Of course I get him. I understand what Russell‘s saying. I’m not a complete moron, I promise. He’s saying that there was just a staggering bit of incompatibility, and I get that. And to be quite honest, though I don’t think his stand-up routine is the funniest thing in the world (my personal favorite? Mitch Hedberg. OH MY GOD was that guy funny as balls), I do seem to like him more and more each and every time he opens his mouth lately.

Russell, +4, Katy -12.

Here’s Mitch, by the way. It’s not his funniest stuff, but even his non-funniest stuff is the funniest stuff I ever heard, which I know, makes no sense. And which is probably why I like Mitch so much, too, because he also makes no sense. That seems to be a common theme with me. Mitch: