My apologies, friends. I know that we’ve already talked about Justin Bieber‘s sex life today, and that really should have been it. You shouldn’t have to hear about the specifics of any other douchey celebrities’ penis habits, and I know that. I just wish I could respect it.
But Charlie Sheen tweets during sex. How am I supposed to keep that to myself?
This wonderful news was brought to us by one of Charlie’s former goddesses, Bree Olson, a woman who is working on branching out of the porn industry by beginning a career in music. Her very first song, “Hollywood Douchebag,” has this lovely lyric:
“He’s posting twitter tweets during sex with me.”
But Bree, what is that supposed to mean?
“Charlie discovered Twitter when we started dating, so we had some funny experiences. I thought of him when I wrote that lyric. Yes, he would tweet in bed. He was really excited about twitter. I wasn’t offended by it at all. I thought it was more funny than anything.”
Please let’s just take a moment to picture this, ok? Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen having sex. Charlie Sheen, mid-thrust, reaching for his phone and typing some nonsense about tiger blood or “winning” or whatever other nonsense Charlie tweeted about it while he was on that infamous bender last year. Are you sufficiently grossed out yet?
All right then, see you guys in the morning!
If your man is using twitter during sex, you’re doing something wrong, amirite?
Agree with Harriet and also that was waaaay to much information! That visual will affect me for the rest of my life!!
ROFLCOPTER!
Bree Olson.
Heheee She applied to medical school. Did you know that? They laughed at her. Literally. I have to hand it to her though, that took a finger-in-mouth / twirl hair level of naivete.
So, what’s a girl to do? Sling it like corned beef hash. That’s what!
As for Music. Oy. Good luck with that. I really need to become a “music producer” so I can get in on some free money. (Yes, they pay, like Paris Hilton, to “produce” their “album”. Yes, they get ripped off.)
Anyhoo, I can believe Sheen was so bored. She’s done fisting videos. Know what those are? (Do not google. Back away.) She’s done *bleeping* machine videos. She’s made videos for BRAZZERS (know who they are? Do. Not. Google.). One lovingly entitled “Ass Sundae”. Charlie’s wang? #notwinning.
If you would entertain yourself (although at a danger of losing a few(?) IQ points), go check out her twitter account. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though. It reads like a rolling wall of dumb.