Fatmire and Kris Humphries Never Even Had Sex, God

Look, I know that some of you can’t appreciate Fatmire here as much as I can. And I respect that, I really do. I admire your ability to just say no to all the new train wreck fame whores on the block, but that just not an ability that I have. I can’t look away from this, and as much as I wish I could, I just can’t quit Fatmire. I can’t. I’m sorry.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you all about how Fatmire is now claiming that she never even had sex with Kris Humphries. This news, of course, comes just a week after she called TMZ to let them know that she was pregnant with Kris’ baby and posed for some paparazzi shots. That Fatmire, she’s like the wind:

When Myla was asked point blank if she has had sex with Kris she denied that they had. “No, I don’t do that type of thing,” she said.

“We’re friends. We’re really close friends.”

She also said that Kris needs to get a divorce before he starts dating, but that he’s “a great guy with a great heart.” During the interview they also talked about Kim (who has never had the honor to meet Fatmire, by the way) and the divorce proceedings (Fatmire has been subpoenaed by Kim’s lawyers), and she had this little gem to say:

“I’m hoping Kim realizes that she doesn’t have to fly all the way to New York for me, we’re just friends,” she said about her non-sexual relationship with Kris.

I’m not sure what that even means, but it just proves how delusional Fatmire is. I read through some of her tweets last night, and it sounds like this girl has lost touch with reality. Here are a few samples of tweets from the past few days:

So I say I’m not prego & ppl say why did u say u were?Wtf you want me to pee in a cup & post te results? LMAO I never said I was Press did

I swear you can’t win with ppl you tell the truth but they don’t like the answer. Yea I know truth isn’t as entertaining! Geez

Watch 2mrw they will report I have a life threatening illness with only 2 weeks to live lol I feel like I’m on Maury Everyday ?#markmyword?

I’m a curvy girl! Just depends on angle of pic Media job is to get bad ones of me! Its what sells

Girl. You are Fatmire. You are not Angelina Jolie. You are not Lindsay Lohan. You’re not even Courtney Stodden. You are a woman who talked to Kim Kardashian’s soon-to-be ex on a beach one time, and you ran with it. And good for you, that’s some good hustle, but I don’t think all these members of the press are sitting around, trying to come up with the next great Fatmire story. If you’d stop alerting TMZ of your every move, it wouldn’t be too long before you slipped back out of the public eye.

Oh, and just because I can’t let the whole “bad angle” thing go, here’s one of the photos of Fatmire that, along with her tip to TMZ, started the pregnancy rumors:

Yeah, that’s not a bad angle, that’s an ill-fitting dress and a pushed out gut. Oh, that Fatmire, she never disappoints!