Everybody Hates Bristol Palin’s Reality Show

Remember Bristol Palin was trying to cause a stir a few weeks back with her anti-gay speeches and condemnation of President Obama for actually, you know, taking the time to listen to his daughters and wife with some pretty important life advice and not treating them like personal property? Because I was right—she was definitely saying all that stuff to spur publicity for her new reality show, ‘Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp’. Which was aired on Lifetime. Who is apparently going down the tubes as we speak. Come on. Bristol Palin? Lindsay Lohan? Who’s next, LeAnn Rimes?

The show debuted last night, and media outlets all over the world are already claiming it to be complete and utter crap. Yay! Here’s a recap and review, courtesy of Yahoo!:

In the first episode, Bristol moves from Wasilla, Alaska to Los Angeles, allegedly to “show Tripp what’s out there.” (Because three-year-olds are so interested in the wider world.) She moves into a pre-fab Beverly Hills mansion and is joined by her 17-year-old sister Willow, who has come to help with the babysitting. The episode ends with an incident that was widely publicized during the show’s filming, in which Bristol goes out to a bar, rides a mechanical bull and gets in a fight with a heckler. The man calls her mother “a whore.” The following exchange in which Bristol concludes that he must be “a homosexual” did not air. (See the video here.)

The critics point out that Bristol’s parenting challenges aren’t quite the same as most people’s. Her childcare issues, writes Robert Lloyd in The Los Angles Times, “stem from not wanting to hire ‘some random baby-sitter,’ not from a lack of wherewithal.” Lloyd also points out that we see Bristol and Willow shop for groceries and clothing, “without Tripp…presumably looking after himself back at the mansion.” Lori Rackl of the Chicago Sun-Times notes that “The trio move into a Beverly Hills mansion where Bristol has to teach Tripp things like the difference between a bidet and a water fountain. No one said being a single mom was easy.”

Perhaps more disturbing for fans of the adorable, scene-stealing Tripp, Bristol’s son with her teenage-years boyfriend Levi Johnston, is the single mom’s willingness to torch Tripp’s dad on national television. Alessandra Stanley, reviewing the show in The New York Times, writes that “the show’s promos show Bristol putting Johnston’s memoir ‘Deer in the Headlights,’ on a range and firing at it with a rifle, saying, ‘This is for all the single moms.'” Stanley says that “Much of the narrative revolves around Bristol’s attempts to shame her ex-boyfriend into seeing his son.”

And if you thought this write-up was more toward “scathing” than “flattering,” this is what the New York Times had to say:

“That big sister-little sister dynamic [between Bristol and Willow] has some real-life resonance, but the “Teen Mom” poignancy is undercut by the palatial surroundings.”

And from the Washington Post:

“Even if you have a lasting grudge against all things Palin, there’s no payoff here. It’s a new low for anyone who makes the mistake of watching.”

And my personal favorite, from the Chicago Sun-Times:

“With the exception of the bull-ride-gone-bad scene, Bristol’s day-to-day life isn’t very interesting. Neither are the occasional shots where Sarah Palin pops up to offer homespun wisdom and maternal advice…. What we’re left with are Bristol and Willow shopping, squabbling and engaging in vapid conversations. In other words, the Alaskan Kardashians.”

Well. I guess we’re talking about some serious must-see TV here, guys. Would it be a crime against humanity if I actually tuned into the next episode? Because I’m kind of curious about this particular trainwreck-type thing that one of the most narrow-minded bitches in “Hollywood” wants to show us. You know. Just so I can mock it profusely.